PRE-PROD PART-1

Production assistant: “ Ok what do you need?

FLIM: I need a location that has dense foliage and dark green vegetations. I don’t like plants that looked like it hasn’t been watered for days. I want it to look really wet.

Production assistant: TANAY RIZAL?

FLIM:” Are you kidding me? Every local film production always go to TANAY Rizal for their Jungle location! NO! We have to find some place that isn’t all TALAHIB fields everywhere. I WANT A JUNGLE LOCATION.

Production assistant: “ How about PALAWAN? “

FLIM: ”Hmmmm. But how much would it cost to transport the actors and the equipment? Bedside’s that’s too far off from our main supply line.”

Production assistant: “ How about the sunken gardens in U.P?”

FLIM: “ Fair enough.”

Production assistant: “ How about the lighting system. Do you have any preferences? “

FLIM: ”Here’s the list of lighting packages. Let’s put it it at the lowest priority list. I’m more inclined to use the natural elements as my cinematographer.

Production assistant: “ What kind of camera are we using…”

FLIM:” Here ….

Production assistant: “ Ohhh…yes we don’t need much light for that.”

FLIM: “ Lets just get a lot of reflectors.”

Production assistant:” Ok here’s the quote for the catering services. The name on the second list is my wife’s aunt she’s very good with apretada.”

FLIM: ”Hmmmmmmm….(swishing of pages being turned.) Let’s do without the catering. We’ll just pack a lot of sardines and spams and plenty of rice and soft drinks!

Production assistant: “ But what about nutritious food? We’ll be shooting…”

FLIM:” We’re shooting a low budget number here, and not running a health program.Sardines and canned goods are the staple food of every Filipino film production. Who are we to break that kind of tradition?

Production assistant:” Well have you seen the movies that come out using that kind of meal? “

FLIM: ” Last time I checked the outcome of the film depends on the director, scriptwriter, cinematographer, editor and actors. Not on what’s simmering on the plate.

Production assistant: ”But the people working on the film, they need sustenance.
They need good food to regain their energy to work?”

FLIM: ” ALL SPECULATION!

Production assistant: “ Would you have at least some brain food around. Like peanuts? “

FLIM: “ Are you trying to insinuate that sardines are not good meal substitutes?
Are you to trying to shoot down our entire sardine cottage industry?

Production assistant: ” I eat sardines but they just don’t fill me.”

FLIM: ”And what does? “

Production assistant: “ KALDERATA and stewed beef. Those are good shooting foods.”

FLIM: ” I subsisted on sardines and bread for months when I was on a diet and I had plenty of excess energy! Besides they’re cheap and very accessible everywhere we go. Even if we get stuck in some sleazy out of the way province. You can hike up to the nearest sari-sari-store and buy sardines.”

Production assistant: “ Why are you cost-cutting so much. Where would the bulk of the money go? “

FLIM: ” Listen, the whole point of the sardines and canned goods thing is that we are a Spartan unit! We shall travel light and fast, SET UP FAST, SHOOT FAST! This is not an industry level project. This is a guerilla enterprise. EATING is going to be a NECESSITY not a luxury!
No over eating in between takes. OVER EATING mean’s SIESTA times and sluggish body movements! WE ARE GOING TO BE LEAN AND HUNGRY!

We are a covert team. If we get shot down behind enemy lines then the government would disavow our existence, deny our citizenship And leave us for the dogs.

Production assistant: “ But eating good food is important.”

FLIM: “ When you’re producing your own film and using your own money then that’s when you get KALDERATA and BEEF STEW. But THIS IS MY MONEY AND MY PROJECT, SO THE WORD IS SARDINES!”

Production assistant: “ Where would the majority of the budget go?”

FLIM: “ Good point. Here let me open the door and show you …. wait a sec…. There! “

Production assistant: “ OH MY… I…WOW! OHHH…How many carpenters did you employ to make this? Can I touch it ? IS it still wet? ”

FLIM: “Not there, it hasn’t set yet. The point is when all is said and done, you wont have SARDINES and canned foods on the screen. And neither your KALDERATA nor BEEF STEW would get top billing OR GET ANY screen time. Every centavo we have would have to be seen up there! Either as a great looking set or an incredible miniature cityscape, or an amazing set piece.IT HAS TO BE SEEN UP THERE!

Production assistant: ” Ok I understand it now. So what brand of sardines are we getting? PLease tell me where’ getting portugese sardines…please! please!