SITH HAPPENS

I saw REVENGE OF THE SITH 3 times already. The first time was with Cecile and her mother on opening night Wednesday and the following day with Selina and my sister and her fellow pathologists in one row.

I have to say that visually this has the strongest opening scene in any STAR WARS FILM TO DATE. As always we have a shot of STAR DESTROYER but this time it's a bird's P.O.V and there are WAR DRUMS banging on the soundtrack ( This was initially what Lucas had planned for the beginning of EPISODE 1V but never used.One of his AKIRA KUROSAWA influence)and then BANG! An eye popping battle scene above corusant. The battle scene reminded me of my dark roller coaster ride on MAGIC MOUNTAIN! Hell yeah, I loved that scene. I told myself…it’s off to a rousing start …hope it follows thru till the end.

But alas the potential for REVENGE OF THE SITH being the best of the prequel movies turned to SITH when the scene with ANAKIN and PADME by the balcony came.

ANAKIN: “ I LOVE YOU! “

PADME: “ No…I love you! “

I don’t know if that was accurate since I couldn’t remember that much either …the people in my row were groaning so hard or maybe it’s my brain’s CRAP Filter’s fail safe device kicking in.

But I still held on… I mean this is just a minor speed bump right? I mean this is GEORGE LUCAS directing. He may have made a goose crap fest of EPISODE 1 and
II But he made THX 1138, AMERICAN GRAFITTI and EPISODE 1V ( Which is for me still the best STAR WARS ever! ) but no one can do it in threes…

And there was that concept of his, “ Symmetry” which he drops more than once in the EPISODE 1 AND 2 commentaries. Saying that he intentionally reprises plots, lines and character arches in the entire saga so that they can illuminate and play off one another.

In the original trilogy we see LUKE SKYWALKER turning into a JEDI KNIGHT
In the new trilogy we see his father turning into a SITH LORD. They both become that in the 3rd movies. They both have their right hands cut off in the second movies.

Anakin gets to be the third wheel when PALPITANE BLASTS LUKE WITH HIS FORCE LIGHTNING in the 3rd film. Again he gets to be in the sidelines when PALPITANE FRIES MACE WINDU.

In JEDI he tips the balance by hurtling PALPITANE in the shaft. In REVENGE he cuts off WINDU’s hands to save PALPITANE

So in following this mindset I thought and assumed, “ All right. Lucas deals in role and plot reversals. And if that is so… since in the original trilogy, the best films were NEW HOPE AND THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK and the turkey was RETURN OF THE JEDI…then that must mean REVENGE OF THE SITH will be the best film in the New trilogy since PHANTOM MENACE and ATTACK OF THE CLONES were TOTAL SITH!

This was my mind set when I watched that awful scene in the balcony. No …just a speed bump! It’s still going to be a good film.

So my BRAIN CRAP FILTER worked over time. I tried desperately to ignore plot inconsistencies like when MACE WINDU and YODA and OBI WAN are on a craft
On they’re way to their rendezvous with the WOOKIE CONTINGENT.

MACE: “ I don’t trust the two of them together (ANAKIN and PALPITANE)

But when information of the rebels being defeated in UTAPU reaches MACE whom does he send to palpitane to deliver the message? ANAKIN

BRAIN CRAP FILTER: “ FEZZZETH!”

FLIM: “ NO! Maybe the JEDI COM LINK IS OFF LINE OR Mace must make sure that ANAKIN and PALPITANE meet and let PALPITANE WEAVE his black magic woman spell on him some more and if ANAKIN over comes it he passes the test of the flesh or something.

And when many armed GENERAL GRIEVIOS confronts OBI WAN WITH HIS MULTIPLE LIGHR SABERS he doesn’t even scratch the Jedi master. Because despite having multiple arms and weapons he uses the light saber one at a time…


BRAIN CRAP FILTER: “ FEZZZETH!”

FLIM: “ Ahhh…Shut up! General Grievous isn’t up to his old killing and fighting self ever since MACE WINDU messed him up in eth CLONE WARS cartoon.


By the time ANAKIN stands beside MACE WINDU as the latter is fending off the force blast from PALPITANE My Brain crap filter has been working on over load and is shedding some light works by its own.

But alas …my belief in this film went the way of the dodo when ANAKIN TURNS INTO DARTH VADER.


PALPITANE: “ I NAME YOU DARTH VADER! “

ANAKIN SKYWALKER: “ Thank you, my master.”


BRAIN CRAP FILTER: “ FEZZZETH! COUGH! BARF! PYING! BRAIN CRAP FILTER OVER RIDE! ”

FLIM: “ BRAIN CRAP FILTER! DON’T LEAVE ME! “

BRAIN CRAP FILTER: “ SORRY KID YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN! ‘

PALPITANE: “ I NAME YOU DARTH VADER! “

ANAKIN SKYWALKER: “ Thank you, my master.”

This was the most important scene in the film…nay not only the film… and not only in this prequel trilogy but in the entire saga. THIS IS THE MOMENT! For years every fan has wondered what could have driven LUKE’S FATHER to turn to the DARK SIDE OF THE FORCE.

Love is mentioned. Still feasible. I know there are those who would betray their friends for the love of a woman.

But the way he turns…

Too suddenly and too drastically…

I mean come on.

There’s still a wide gulf between turning on your friends and massacring small children.

Yeah yeah yeah! Lucas made a foreshadowing of it in ATTACK OF THE CLONES when ANAKIN wiped out a tribe of TUSKAN RAIDERS. But these creatures killed off his mother.

And lets face it,it’s easier to kill a baby tuskan raider that cries, “ WAYERK, WAYERK! WAYERK!

Than a small child that comes up to you with his baby blue eyes and a scared look and says, “ MASTER ANAKIN what must we do? “

Even ADOLF HITLER in his most intense, made sweeping commands of killing the Jews but he didn’t mention, “ kill the small children as well.”

Its somewhere in between the lines. Because killing children, even no matter how much of a bad ass villain you are is simply too….” Inhuman”

That’s why rapist and child killers are often sodomized and butt fucked in prison by the hardened criminals.

CRIMINALS: “ I killed a banker and his wife when I crashed their palatial digs but I didn’t kill the children… its too messy. But you, you sick fuck you rape small kids… YOURE SCUM! SO I’LL BUST YOUR ASS! “

Even if ANAKIN turns to the dark side. His fall shouldn’t have been that complete. There would have been small residues of his old self. Trying to fight back the thing that he is slowly becoming.

The death of a person's character doesn’t happen over night.( Unless you witness the brutal killing of your parents right in front of you. That could be traumatic enough.But that's still open for debate.)It happens in inches. And by the time your personality under goes a full transformation, the change is so subtle that you hardly remember the person you once where.

Of course movies do not have that luxury but it could have shown some small character nuances to remind the audiences that the old Anakin was still there.Desperately hanging on as the SITH tendencies slowly engulf him. His good side disintegrating like a small island in the middle of the SITH STORM

The conflict of what he is and what he is becoming could have been a greater narrative spectacle than the opening battle scene or that "order 66" montage.

Either GEORGE LUCAS is not emotionally equipped to portray that transformation or he simply does not have the time becomes he has run out of time! He spent most of the film's running time on corny jokes and long drag out battle scenes and the establishing shots that are too long, to dwell on that most over looked element in telling a story, the human element.

When watching the film I was totally shocked to see the lengths that he would go to show us where the characters are.

In pre-CGI days. There would just be a few seconds of a tie fighter-passing overhead the death star to tell us that we are in the emperor’s domain and then cut to the emperor sitting on his chair.

But now that he is using digital technology, his establishing shots are not just a mere second. He would start out with OBIWAN boarding a craft. Then the craft would leave the star destroyer. Then the craft would enter the planet’s orbit, and then it would enter the planets surface. And then it would enter the ravine and then it would enter the landing plat form and then OBI WAN would be leaving the cockpit. And then he would Land on the landing plat form with his own two feet and then he would be greeted by the AMBASSADOR.

AMBASSADOR: “ WELCOME JEDI TO UTAPU.”

This immerse style montage would work for an amusement ride like the opening battle scene but not for a film which claims to be the fall of ANAKIN SKYWALKER.

So screen time was used up on action set pieces and to paraphrase MALCOM in JURRASIC PARK2, “ Yes, at first its OHHH and AHHHHS. Then later there would be screaming and running! ”

Many have said that it’s a bad film. And I have to agree with them. But the worst part is that it could have been the best STAR WARS FILM EVER MADE.

If only GEORGE LUCAS paid more attention to the most pivotal moment of the film, when ANAKIN SKYWALKER turns from promising JEDI KNIGHT to promising SITH LORD.

If only George Lucas didn’t have to over extend a story that could be told in only one movie instead of stretching it to three films. Just so he could have a trilogy.

If only George Lucas retained people in his production team who could still say no to him. Like his ex-wife MARCIA LUCAS the editor of NEW HOPE and RETURN OF THE JEDI. Or GARY KURTZ the producer of NEW HOPE and THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. Guys like these who weren’t afraid to tell him “ NO! THAT IDEA SUCKS! NO LIFE FORM NO MATTER HOW LOW IN THE FOOD CHAIN WOULD SAY, NO BECAUSE IM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU!

If only George Lucas delegated the writing of the scripts to writers better than him. He did in EMPIRE STRIKES BACK AND RETURN OF THE JEDI and the IDIANA JONES TRILOGY.

Why can’t he do it now? Or he could have hired a team of STAR WARS geeks as a story guide panel and he would ask them questions on the STAR WARS CANNON so when writing the script he doesn’t step on his own rules and guidelines made so many years ago that surely he must have forgotten most of them.

LUCAS: “ I have this idea of C3PO being created by ANAKIN SKYWALKER.”

GEEKS: “ Nahhhhhhh that wont fly. Threepio and artoo form such a very distinct relationship in the original and prequel trilogy that it would be too dumb for VADER not to realize hey, these are the 2 driods that I used to hang out with when I was a kid maybe I’m missing out on something here.

If only George Lucas restrained himself from playing with his high tech machines.Spends to much time and attention in building living and breathing worlds that he fails to create living and breathing characters.

Sometimes I wonder if Portman and HEYDEN weren't computer generated. With the way they act…one can never tell.


There is so much more to bitch about in SITH but in the end does it really matter? It’s the end (if we are to believe him that this is the last STAR WARS MOVIE) so we are stuck with two trilogies. One that illuminated me when I was a child and inspired me and the other that made me realize that sometimes by having everything you have nothing.

But all is not lost. With the way things are ,technologically speaking, he’s going to change the new trilogy and beef it up for good or for worse. There is still hope. But then again that light saber swings both ways and one day you’ll yelp in HORROR as you watch the NEW DIRECTOR'S EDITION OF NEW HOPE and see that ALEC GUINESS never existed and in his stead,EWAN MACGREGOR goes thru his paces.

SITH HAPPENS……..BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH