THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE OF CELLPHONES- PART II

An hour later I m zooming towards the TELECOM BUILDING just a few yards away from THE HEART CENTER. When I get there I ‘m shocked to see at least about fifty people standing in line.

“ Is this where I can get my phone blocked.?”

A man in his mid-30s nods.

I was given a file and filled it up and then went up the second floor where there was a waiting room. Sitting in the black leather sofa I stared at the people there. They all had the same look I had.

Depressed, tired and violated. But there was something in their eyes. THERE WAS
…VENGEANCE!

A terrible silence permeated within. People fidgeted and twisted knots on their bag straps.

After 20 minutes of waiting I made small talk with the person next to me.

“ How did yours get stolen? “

“ Was walking in Megamall.My cell was in the backpack. When I tried to make a call.it was no longer there. The zipper was opened.”

FLIM: “ When I put my wallet in my backpack I put it up front cause I’m paranoid and I just don’t like it dangling behind me. But then I look really stupid with the backpack upfront.”

BACKPACK: “ Well its better to look stupid and have your wallet still there.”

FLIM: “ Yep Its better to look stupid than to feel stupid after wards.”

He looks at me and asks, “ How did yours get stolen? “

FLIM : “ Placed it on the counter of a friend’s shop and then this stupidfucking teenage girl asks to get a look at a t-shirt. My guard was down at the time and when my friend handed her the t shirt she drapes it over the cell and plops it in her bag and then return the shirt.”

I noticed too late that the phone was gone.

BACKPACK: “ Maybe it was an inside job.”

FLIM: “ HMM GOOD PLOT DEVELOPMENT! “

“ Ours got stolen when we were shopping in. (I forgot the name of the place.)
He just yanked mine and hers and ran.”

I looked at the guy who butted in. I thought that the girl was just accompanying him. Someone actually has the nerve to steal a married couples individual cell phones in one go. THE FUCKING NERVE!

So from utter silence everybody starting talking and trading phone stealing stories.
Turns out that there’s an average 60- 80 phones stolen everyday. I asked if having the phone blocked really works. BACKPACK replies that it really does work.

I then countered,” If it does then why are there still more stolen cell phones? “

BACKPACK: “ Because its not highly publicized yet?”

FILM: “ Shouldn’t they publicize it so that it can act as a DETERRENT? Shouldn’t that be part of the campaign?”

This is turning into a DR STRANGELOVE SCENARIO.

BACKPACK: “ In due time I guess people will know and then the stealing would stop.”

FILM: “ Well in my book its not enough. I want THOSE FUCKERS TO PAY FOR STEALING OUR PHONES! Look at the inconvenience we have to go thru. Not to mention the important data stored in the sim. THEY SHOULD PAY.”The people start nodding their heads in agreement.

FILM: “ We need a device that should be able to track down the location of our cell phones. So that when it gets stolen then we can track it down.”

HUSBAND: “ That wouldn’t pass congress. Politicians don’t like being tracked by their official wives.

FILM: True, true, true.

Silence.

BACKPACK: “ What about a code that you can send that will disable the phone so it won’t work again.”

WIFE: “ That’s what we are doing here. Having the phone blocked. So at least we’d have that. The satisfaction of them not using our phones ever.

FLIM: “ Yeah. But we don’t get our revenge! We must have VENGEANCE! I PROMISED MY CELL PHONE THAT I WOULD AVENGE IT!”

WIFE: ” This is a form of revenge.”

FLIM: “ Begging your pardon, Maam. This is a WALT DISNEY REVENGE RATING.
It’s good for furry rabbits and talking frogs. Typically harmless! WHAT WE NEED
is GOOD OLD FASHIONED BIBLICAL RETRIBUTION!
THUNDERBOLTS FROM THE SKY! PILLARS OF SALT AND
THE SLAYING OF THE FIRST BORN STUFF!”

Wife smiles at my performance, “ But the Bible teaches us to forgive too you know?”

FLIM: “ YOU READ THE WRONG AUTHOR ,MAM! I’M TALKING ABOUT THE
ORIGINAL BIBLE! THE FIRST EVER! THE FIRST IS ALWAYS THE
BEST. SEQUELS ARE INFERIOR! THEY NEVER MATCH THE
ORIGINAL EXCEPT FOR THE GODFATHER PART 2 WHICH
TRANSCENDS THE ORIGINAL IN SCOPE AND CONTENT.”

WIFE: “ So much hate. It’s only a cell phone? “

I could have told her that if it was just a cell phone then what the hell was she doing here?
AIR CONDITIONING NOT WORKING IN HER HOUSE? Is the view on the 2nd floor of the telecom building the best vantage point in manila to see the spectacular MARIKINA MOUNTAIN SCAPES? IS HER HUSBAND THAT BORING A CONSERVATIONIST THAT SHE SEEKS SMALL TALK ELSEWHERE?

Instead I quoted my favorite line, ‘ She tasks me! SHE TASKS ME! I’ll CHASE HER THRU THE ANTARES MAELSTROM ROUND AND ROUND PERDITIONS FLAME BEFORE I GIVE HER UP!”

BACKPACK: “ In MUSLIM countries they cut off the hands of the thieves.”


FILM: “ That sounds nice! How about a device that you attach in the cell and when its
Stolen you can go thru this procedure and instead of having it blocked, it
Explodes while the thief is using it. WOULDN’T THAT BE GREAT? “

HUSBAND: “ I like that.”

BACKPACK nods.

FLIM: “ Would you buy such a device? “

My mind was reeling with the possibility of inventing THE BANG THE HEAD OF THE CELL PHONE THIEF! Get rich and get your revenge at the same time, how sweet.

HUSBAND: “ Yes.”

BACKPACK: “ Me too”

Most people in the waiting room enthusiastically supported the idea.

But in hindsight I wondered what would happen if someone got hold of the serial number and your device and then sends it exploding while you’re using it? What the hell! Like any world-class manufacturer I ‘d just settle that quietly out of court and bribe the usual suspects.

Then the women in charge of the processing come out with our papers and hands it over. We have to go down again to have it filed and in a couple of weeks the phones would be blocked. We can even check it in their website if our phones have been blocked!

On the way out I asked her if it really worked. Cause I was a little bit apprehensive. I can’t really believe that the government and the telecom companies have actually come up with something that ACTUALLY WORKS! Its down right scary.

“ Yes IT works! I have received a lot of reports that it really works! “

SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE BUREAUCRAT. Not really saying anything that makes sense.

On the way home. I just can’t help but feel that I accomplished something. That I tipped the balance in the universal scales of justice. TOO BAD I WASN’T ABLE TO BASH HER WITH MY TRIPOD BUT YOU KNOW? Like what Spock said, “ I’d like to think that there are possibilities.”

Of course a few days later thru my favorite cell phone repairman, Id discover that HAVING YOUR CELL BLOCKED IS PURE BULLSHIT! THAT IT’S VERY EASY TO HAVE IT UNBLOCKED! JUST TAKE IT TO YOUR LOCAL PHONE MAN AND FOR A PRICE HE’D UNBLOCK IT BY CHANGING THE PHONE’S SERIAL NUMBER VIA A PC UNIT!

I laughed hysterically. Felt Like Charlton Heston at the end of PLANET OF THE APES.

Now whenever I’m in the mall and when I see a girl using a blue 6150, I have this strange urge…to fondle my tripod