MY TYPICAL DAY PART-1


4: 14>-Woke up. Not fully booted yet. Spent a couple of minutes trying to charge up the Brain cells. Failing miserably I just opened the television set and started frying what little is left!

Nothing interesting after channel surfing for almost twenty Minutes. What the hell am I paying cable for? If it’s not a bunch anthropologist suffering with delusions of grandeur while grappling with amphibious reptiles it’s a bunch of NO BRAIN teenagers going thru scenic spots while mouthing off NO BRAIN conversations with each other.

5:00- Opened the CAVE and activated COMPUTER number 2. Checked the emails and visited my favorite sites, nothing new. Logged on to ASIAN THUMBS. Nothing spectacular this week or am I just getting jaded with all those nipples?I mean how many variations of a female nipple can a man take. I’m a breast man so This really concerns me.

5:45-Checked the storyboards for KUPAL. I’m missing five pages and discovered that Some of the WASTED boards got mixed in with it. Spent a long time just trying to sort thru all the papers that are inside the CAVE. Wrote a note to myself about reminding me to create a proper archiving system. Then much to my horror I discover that much of the papers discarded across the editing table are reminders of… YES! Create a proper archiving system.

6:50- Wrote a second draft of KUPAL and then switched to WEDGE. MICHELLE BRANCH is on the telly doing her first hit. Have a major crush on her with that long straight hair. They must grow her in a farm or something cause I somehow smell corncobs and cow’s milk. Which is the total opposite of what I get when I see GWEN STEFANI. Seldom washed armpits and spoilt eggs!

Got a call from ABDUL ALHAZARED. Told me that He has the EPISODE 2 Dvds with interactive menus. It was the exact DVD that will come out late November this year. The processing plant where LUCAS FILMS had theirs pressed made more copies. Told him to bring it over. Someone’s stealing from GEORGE LUCAS that’s a change. He usually steals from someone else. OOPS! Forgot, he uses the Word, HOMAGE. Which is basically FRENCH FOR STEALING!

Still love the guy though. He’s the greatest!

8:55- Preparing lunch. Sautéed CRABS in OLIVE OIL, garlic and a pinch of TOYO! Cut my finger while inserting a slab of butter within the crabs exposed head! Wondered why I was going thru all this intricate ritual of making good crabs when most of the people in the house either hate it or allergic to shells? Must be the SADIST IN ME.

9:23 - Crabs are cooking over a very slow fire. Placed the ALIGE (CRAB FAT)In a separate bowl and mixed seasonings to use for the gravy. YUMMY!

9:50- CHOW TIME!!!!! YEEHAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

Most people don’t like to eat what they’ve cooked. Doesn’t seem logical right? Why wouldn’t you want to eat what you just pain stakingly cooked? My friends say its because you get sick of the smell since you’re inhaling it. Filipino word for it is NAUUMAY. Sounds like a POST-OPARIAN TRIBE from EDGAR RICE BURROUGHS. Or is it closer to H RIDER HAGGARD? What the hell must use it for a story or something.

Went down and dirty, cracking up the shells and pouring the gravy on top of it. This dish must have a high cholesterol count. But I haven’t eaten anything fatty for a week now ,so there. Spoons and forks are out! If you eat crabs you must eat your rice by hand as well.

Phone rings and its DB. I told the maid to tell him that I’m indisposed. It’s urgent, according to the maid. Grumbling and mumbling I washed my hands. For some people it happens in the bathroom. BUT NOT ME! It’s always when I’m in the middle of a spectacular meal. AT LEAST IT ISN’T PAUL LEE

FLIM: “ WHAT IS IT? IM BUSY EATING!”

DB: “ I’m proposing this unique television series and…”

FLIM: “ You and a hundred fifty thousand NAUUMAYS from equatorial Africa.”

DB: “ SHUT UP YOU IDIOT! This is important. It’s going to be a travelogue Where we feature great scenic spots to boost the country’s tourism Industry.”

FLIM: “ LOOK YOU TIT! LISTEN CAREFULLY! WE DON’T HAVE A TOURISM
INDUSTRY! Only YOU AND DICK GORDON BELIEVE THIS SHIT! NO
FOREIGNER WOULD EVER WANT TO SET FOOT IN THIS COUNTRY
AGAIN. UNLESS YOU’RE AN AL-QUIDA, looking to set up a BOOTH
CAMP.”

DB:“ That’s exactly why the department of Tourism needs this. JUST FUCKING LISTEN! This is a unique concept.”

FLIM: “ YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! Bunch of teenaged girls who look pretty and dumb smiling and GUFFAWING in front of the cam while injecting small factual Tidbits! Oh yeah THAT ‘S REALLY ORIGINAL! YOU’LL SLAY THEM ON PRIME TIME!”

DB: “ GAGO! Its not like that and there’s no bunch of sports enthusiast promoting good living and drinking beer either.

FLIM: “ So what’s your take? Look my crab is waiting and the gravy is coagulating!”

D.B: “ Promise me you wont divulge this to anyone until I get the green light? “

FLIM: “ What has this got to do with me? “

D.B: “ I want you to CO-STAR and CO-DIRECT with me. We have a great chemistry going. Remember when we guest starred numerous times in that Radio show.We wrecked havoc! You and me on this show,imagine what could happen? “

FLIM: “ Im very busy! I have three films in various stages of developments. Plus My Grandmother’s bosom friend who happens to be a publisher wants me to do a Fairy tale for children! I don’t think I can squeeze this in! WAIT A MINUTE YOU HAVEN’T EVEN PITCHED THIS! WHY ARE WE EVEN HAVINGTHIS CONVERSATION? GOODBYE I ’M BACK TO MAKING LOVE WITH MY CRABS! “

D.B: “ No wait! I pitched it and THEY LOVED IT! “

By this time I totally lost my appetite. I just looked at the crab with its leg spread wide.Waiting for my oily hands to undress her hard shells and liberate the soft white and tender meat from its dark prison. To put it in my mouth and taste her glory!FUCK!!!!!

FLIM: “ So what’s your slant? “

He told me! Must admit that it’s a stroke of genius! The FUCKHEAD really had a good slant. He then named the sponsors that he already had lined up!

D.B: “ And this isn’t going to be nickel and dime stuff. We’re going to be highly paid for this.”

FLIM: “ Like how much?”

DB: “ Well Im still negotiating with them. But they’ll give us three truckloads of soap. And that s only from the soap company.”

FLIM: “ Come again?”

DB: “Three truckloads of soap.”

FLIM: “ TRUCKLOADS OF SOAP? “

DB: “ Yeah and then we’d just find someone who has a chain of supermarkets and we’d down load them there.”

FLIM: “TRUCK LOADS OF SOAP? “

DB: “They want to pay in kind and…”

FLIM: “ I DON’T THINK THAT I CAN EVEN CONSUME A TRUCKLOAD OF SOAP IN MY LIFETIME! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU PROPOSE? THAT I PASS OFF THE REMAINING TRUCKS TO MY DESCENDANTS? A REWARD FOR BEING A PART OF THE FLIM BLOODLINE YOU STUPID TWAT!!!!!”

DB: “ SEE? THAT’S GREAT? I LOVE YOUR REACTIONS! That’s why I want you to co-star with me and co direct this series. IT S GOING TO BE GREAT! Maybe I should be filming this scene right now!

FLIM: “ DB, I LOVE TAKING A BATH LIKE THE NEXT MAN. But I prefer to buy my Soap like the next man. In a grocery! Where I can choose if I feel a little bit floral this week or if I want the medical type that washes scabs away! I CAN GET THEM ON MY OWN! ”

DB: “ Are you free this afternoon? We can meet in MAKATI to iron out the concept? “

FLIM: “ Three truckloads of soap.”

DB: “ ARE YOU FREE THIS AFTERNOON? “

FLIM: “ NO! I have to go to the gym to workout. My dolly shots aren’t what they used to be. I have to be back in tip- top shape!”

DB: “ Then what? What will you do? “

FLIM: “ Check out some prop gas canisters and some explosives.”

DB: “ Why don’t you just get a production assitant for that ? “

FLIM: “ I like doing things myself. Aside from its going to cost money.”

DB: “ We’ll have production assistants for the show.”

FLIM: “ Paying them in soap? “

DB: “ Tex me when you’re finished shopping for the props. We’ll have coffee! “

FLIM: “ I don’t drink coffee.”

DB: “ Fine we’ll oggle some girls while meeting. “


FLIM: “I”D DO IT IF I GET TO OWN THE RIGHTS TO MANUFACTURE THE
ACTION FIGURES SPIN OFF FROM THE SERIES.”

DB: “ BE FUCKING SERIOUS! “

FLIM: “ Lets just talk later when Im finished! “

DB: ” Tex me when you’re done!”


Sat on the dinner table and looked at the crab. SORRY MON CHERI, IT WASNT MEANT TO BE. I will have you later. When the time is right.

10:15: ALHAZARED arrives. Shows me the EPISODE 2 DVDS! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! LUCASFILMS is releasing it late November and here it is. ON MY TV!!It’s the real thing! It even has the 3d animated menus and its not the same, every time you insert the disc. It alternates between CROSUSANT, GENOSIS and KAMINO! The copy was extremely sharp. The same level as my EPISODE1 R1! It’s even better than the one shown here in the theaters. The movie was shot in HD TV. Meaning its digital and there was huge image loss when they transferred it back to film. Lucas meant it to be shown digitally but since there’s no so many digital theaters available… The battle scenes are superb! Plus there is running commentary from GEORGE LUCAS on track 2.This disc can no longer be defined as a bootleg. Because it doesn’t give justice to it.Pant! Pant! I WANT ONE! But I have to play it cool! So I can get it for a lower price

But you just can’t put one over ABDUL. He is the craftiest Muslim vendor I have ever met! He is adept at DVD LORE. He knows his DTS and digital compression lingos! He is in all sense of the word, A MAGI of PIRATES!

Asked him how many are still available so I can tell my friends. He tells me that only a handful is still within reach. He could get the version 2, which is almost the same,ALMOST! It just doesn’t have the great animated shifting menus. It’s cheaper. But if you want the version1 you got to cough up a more hundred peso bills

I coughed up more hundreds than I usually pay for a pirated discs. WHAT THE HELL Im going to buy the original anyway so this would just satisfy my craving for the real thing. SO I shouldnt feel guilty! Can’t wait till November!