KARO SYRUP AND MY MAN, FRIDAY.- I
The Catsup incident started a day before the shoot, which was Thursday. ALANGUILAN dropped off some stuff that he promised he would lend me. One trade paperback of the latest daredevil reprints LOVE’S LABOR LOST. ALAN MOORE’S PROMETHEA and BIRTH CAUL. I’m a big fan of DAREDEVIL when FRANK MILLER handled the title. But now everything that comes out looks pathetic after his run. And any comic book with a title ‘LOVE LABOR’S LOST would definitely get my attention if not my contempt! Still Alanguilan insisted that I try it because it was the debut of DAVE MAZZUCCHELI. I’m a fan of his art since I first saw it in BORN AGAIN. But as I read thru it, (LOVE’S LABOR LOST) I suddenly discovered that I only enjoyed it (DAVE’S ART) when the writing was good (Like BORN AGAIN.) and this LOVE’S LABOR’S LOST is a definite loss! I swore that I would never read any recommendations by ALANGUILAN. Ten out of 3 they’re always bad! I don’t know which is worst, his taste in comic books or his taste in films.
AS we sat down to plan the next day’s shooting we saw something in the DISCOVERY channel about a guy traveling Europe and discussing new medeterianain recipes. We both looked at each other and in a rare moment our earthly needs were in synch.
ALANGUILAN: “ Let’s order PIZZA.”
FLIM: “ DAMN STRAIGHT! “
ALANGUILAN: “ I have a buy one, take one promo card from Pizza hut. Let’s use it.”
So I dialed the number and made the usual reservations.
FLIM: “ How much for a large pan pizza.
She mentions a price that is somewhere between 350-390.
FLIM: “ Ok give us a MANAGER’S SPECIAL.”
COUNTERGIRL: “ Sir..We don’t have that eh.”
ALANGUILAN: “ THAT’S SHAKEYS, MORON! PIZZA HUT IS MEAT LOVERS! “
FLIM: “ Can you kindly hold on while me and my hunchback assistant discuss something?”
COUNTER GIRL: “ Ok sir.”
FLIM: “ WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN THE PROMO FROM SHAKEY’S YOU JACKASS! I HATE MEAT LOVERS! “
ALANGUILAN: “ THAT’S THE ONLY PROMO CARD THEY WERE HANDING OUT WHEN I STEPPED OUT OF THE HOUSE! YOU LEMUR! “
FLIM: “ I HATE ANYTHING THAT HAS PINEAPPLES ON SOMETHING THAT'S SUPPOSED TO REGISTER ON MY PALETTE AS MEATY AND SPICY!”
ALANGUILAN: “ WELL ORDER SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T HAVE PINEAPPLE ON THEM! “
FLIM: “ I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU TO GET PROMOS ON THINGS THAT PEOPLE WONT BUY ON A REGULAR PRICE DAY! “
I turned my attention back to the girl on the phone!
FLIM: “ What else do you have that doesn’t have pineapples on it.”
She names one and I order it.
COUNTER GIRL: “ But SIR THE FREE PIZZA THAT accompanies it has pineapples on it! “
FLIM: “ Hold on again.! “
I just placed the phone on my knee and grabbed ALANGUILAN’s OAK sized neck and proceeded to shake him left to right!
FLIM: “ Hello, let me have the pineapples then. IS the family size good enough for two people?
COUNTER GIRL: “ Its good enough for one small family.”
FLIM: “ Its good enough for two people. Thank you. Here’s the address.”
Alanguilan then takes out a gray t-shirt and hands it to me.
ALANGUILAN: “ We should have blood all over it. “
FLIM: “ Let me find that magic paper.”
ALANGUILAN: “ How about catsup? “
FLIM: “ Haven’t you been listening to your filmmaker’s commentaries on track 2? No one uses catsup! It’s just industry shorthand for KARO SYRUP no.3! Everyone knows that it is the closets approximation to blood’s consistency.”
ALANGUILAN: “ SO do you have KARO SYRUP no.3?
FLIM: “Nope! But we have something even better. The MAGIC PAPER! “
ALANGUILAN: ‘ What about the magic paper?”
FLIM: “ Its better than KARO SYRUP. When we dabbled it with water. It comes out red. But then the paper disintegrates into tiny goblets of red. Making it look like coagulated blood and splattered brain matter. So when I dump it into you, it would look like you shot someone at close range and they sprayed you with their guts!”
ALANGUILAN: “ Oh…. That’s cool.”
FLIM: “ SEE? NOW DOES FRIDAY UNDERSTAND? GOOD! THIS IS MASTER’S SHORT IT BELONGS TO MASTER! NOW THAT IS FRIDAY’S TOENAILS! THAT IS FRIDAYS! “
ALANGUILAN: “ ?”
FLIM: “ Ohhhh poor Friday. Now what the hell are we going to do while waiting for the pizza.”?
ALANGUILAN: “ Let’s buy some soft drinks.”
FLIM: “ Good idea FRIDAY! Les move.
We went to the next-door convenient store and rummaged thru the giant freezer locker. We contemplated which brand to get first. I really hate it when I have to decide what cola brand to get because they almost taste the same. There is a little taste difference but it is minute at best and only a COLA addict would even bother to discriminate its subtle strengths!
FLIM: “ I am perplexed, FRIDAY! Which do we get? COKE or PEPS?!”
ALANGUILAN: “ Let me see..Hey I got it! Lets get the Pepsi because there’s a 1 million peso promo contest on the label."
FLIM: “ Damn right! We might win and we can boost the production budget to a million! “
ALANGUILAN: “ Well almost a million. I intend to use a 100,000 for my wedding! “
FLIM: “ Just elope! Would you really like to feed a multitude of people who would end up complaining about the food anyway? “
ALANGUILAN: “ If we win we can afford to get a thousand extras for my death scene.”
FLIM: “ If we win we can shoot at one of those tall buildings in MAKATI.We can hire a platoon of production assistants to do traffic and crowd control! “
ALANGUILAN: “ If we win we can afford to buy an airbag so I can actually jump from the building! “
FLIM:” IF WE WIN! WE CAN FINALLY BUY A DECENT TRIPOD.”
We looked at each other as the euphoria surged thru us.
ALANGUILAN: “ LET’S BUY TWO! SO WE CAN WIN TWO MILLION PESOS! “
With logic like that HOW CAN WE LOSE?
The pizza came in thirty minutes later. I really hate pineapples on pizza. IT’S SO HIDEOUS! WHOEVER INVENTED IT SHOULD GET HIS STOMACH BLUDGEONED!
Since there was a chessboard lying on the table I challenged my man FRIDAY for a short game.
Imagine my surprise when he beat me two in a row.
I haven’t been playing for 15 years and my moves were very rusty. It’s not like Im trying to whine my way out of losing to him its just…HELL IT IS WHINING AND I DON’T CARE!
Finally a miracle happened on the 3rd bout!
I won!
Got my old groove back. Checkmated him in seven moves.
Of course my man Friday would deny that my triumph was anything but legit. I really hate poor losers! When he was winning I admitted that I was tad rusty. But nonetheless I accepted my loss. NOW WHEN I WON! HE ACCUSES ME OF PERFORMING AN ILLEGAL MOVE!
FLIM: “ Come, come. FRIDAY! It’s not really the winning. IT’S THE GAME THAT COUNTS!
ALANGUILAN: “ That’s an illegal move! And you were fondling that last piece of pizza. IT WAS DISTRACTING TO ME!”
FLIM:“ That’s a poor excuse if I ever heard one. “
ALANGUILAN: “ YOU KNEW THAT WAS MY SLICE! And you still fondled it so I can lose my concentration.”
FLIM: “ OH FRIDAY! When you play you can’t win all the time. LET’S HAVE A REMATCH TOMORROW AND NO MORE PIZZA SLICE TO UNNERVE YOUR DRACONIAN IMPULSES!”
ALANGUILAN: “ CHEATER! “
FLIM: “ HERE! Take your last slice. The one that cost you the game. BONA APPETITE! “
ALANGUILAN: ‘ IM NOT HUNGRY ANYMORE. YOU EAT IT! “
FLIM: “ DON’T MIND if I do. Winning makes me hungry.”
Never mind if the pizza had pineapples. It still tasted good.
Went back to the cave and just sat there and contemplated our bulging waistlines.
FLIM: “ Gosh look at that! Never thought that I’d see me gut stick out its tongue and raspberry me! “
ALANGUILAN: “ Look at mine! “
FLIM: “ You have a perfect excuse! YOU’RE WASTED! What’s my excuse! “
ALANGUILAN: “ Damn lazy bastard! That’s your excuse!”
FLIM: “ Metabolisms have a way of slowing down when you reach 30.”
ALANGUILAN : “ Use to run everyday .5 KILOMETERS.”
FLIM: “ Remember you should lose 30 pounds for the opening of the movie. I want you sleek and aerodynamically correct. Think you can do that? “
ALANGUILAN : Of course. Give me a few months.
I find that very hard to believe specially when his bare stomach’s winking at me from a thirty-five degree angle. This is going to be a lonnnnnnngggg shoot!
