LAST SATURDAYS BLACK SATURDAY SHOOT

Woke up at 6: AM. And did all my bodily waste upkeep. ALANGUILAN would be pounding his fleshy fist on the front door anytime and I want to be fully clothed when he arrives. I don’t like the way he looks at me when Im just wearing a towel on my waist. Makes me think of convicts, bathrooms and slippery soap sliding all over the place.

ALANGUILAN arrives at 7:20, late as usual. I fear he is developing a STAR COMPLEX. Not to worry. Nothing that me and my trusty “MIJOLNER” TRIPOD couldn’t handle!

Arrived at BROADWAY CENTRUM to meet up with the STAN LEE OF THE PHILIPPINES for his role as b>ERICK’S BOSOMS MATE (Shorthand for gay lover)ED. (Notice how you can make a sitcom just using their names, ED & ERIK) we were listening to several WHO songs. It’s amazing how we both love this particular group.He keeps on insisting that I use a particular song for the soundtrack of the film. I told him that its ok if we just show the film here but we’d be in hot waters if we decide to take it out. Besides I don’t feel comfortable using it if its not cleared by the recording company.Worst comes to worst I’d do the musical score on my own. I’M A MEAN UKULELE PLAYER!

FLIM: “ We need to get the explosive props after the shoot. Do you still have energy to do it?"

ALANGUILAN: “ Of course I can do it. Besides its BUDGETT who will do most of the acting.”

I looked at him and had a funny thought. Is it possible that he is developing senility at an early age? This was Erik’s big moment. This is when he pours out everything that he ‘s kept inside. His concept of love, of idealized love. The “ love is not a plant that can be planted and replanted” speech. How can he forget that? Add insult to injury he wrote this scene himself!

FLIM: “ I don’t think you can go and look for a prop after the shot. You’d be emotionally drained.”

ALANGUILAN: “ I CAN DO IT! IF I CAN’T THEN YOU KEEP THE WRATH OF KHAN STAR TREK II SPECIAL EDITION DVDS! “

Well someone’s really cocky today. Must be a side effect of listening to THE WHO.

After nine songs of the WHO’s KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT I switched the disc to DON MCLEAN’S AMERICAN PIE. We’ve been waiting for an hour and the chances of STAN LEE coming are becoming more unlikely. Told ALIGUE that MR. TAN might have pulled a fast one on us.

ALIGE: “ I WONT SPEAK TO HIM EVER AGAIN if he doesn’t show up.”

FLIM: “ I’m sure that would break his heart.”


DON MCLEAN:

A long, long time ago I can still remember how that music used to make me smile and I knew if I had my chance that I could make those people dance and maybe they'd be happy for a while but February made me shiver with every paper I delivered, bad news on the door step, I couldn't take one more step, I can't remember if I cried when I read about his widowed bride but something touched me deep inside, the day, the music, died. So...

ALIGE: “ I don’t like this song. I find it disturbing.”

FLIM: “ THE FUCK’S THE MATTER WITH YOU? ITS DON MCLEAN!


DON MCLEAN:
Bye, bye Miss American Pie drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry an them good old' boys were drinking whiskey and rye singing this will be the day that I die, this will be the day that I die...Did you write the book of love and do you have faith in God above, if the bible tells you so, and do you believe in rock n' roll, can music save your mortal soul and can you teach me how to dance real slowly? Well I know that you're in love with him cuz I saw you dancing in the gym you both kicked off your shoes and I dig those rhythm and blues. I was a lonely teenage bronkin buck with a pink carnation and a pick up truck but I knew I was out of luck, the day, the music, died. I started singing...

ALIGE: “ Its an Evil song. Very sinister! I don’t like it! “

FLIM: “ WHAT? You like the WHO and their ear shattering music and instrument shattering finales but you can’t stand DON MCLEAN and a single acoustic guitar?”


DON MCLEAN:
Now for ten years we've been on our own and moss grows fat on a rollin stone but that's not how it used to be, when the jester sang for the king and queen in a coat he borrowed from James Dean and a voice that came from you and me, oh and while the king was looking down, the jester stole his thorny crown the courtroom was adjourned, no verdict was returned, and while Lenin read a book on Marx, the quartet practiced in the park and we sang dirges in the dark, the day, the music, died. We were singing...


ALIGIE: DON MCLEAN sold his soul to the devil so that he can make just that one song! His most popular song to date!

FLIM: “ WHAT? AMERICAN PIE? No! He made a lot of great songs. VINCENT, CASTLES IN THE AIR, WINTER WOOD

ALIGIE: “ Not as good or as popular as AMERICAN PIE. He sold his soul to the devil to make that song. Listen to the lyrics! His words are evil! Sinister! I don’t like it! “


FLIM: “ The song is an allegory about BOB DYLAN versus ELVIS PRESLEY and the whole musical revolution thing! You’re not supposed to take it word for word! “


DON MCLEAN:

Oh and there we were all in one place, a generation lost in space with no time left to start again, so come on, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack Flash sat on a candle stick because fire is the devils only friend, oh and as I watched him on the stage, my hands were clinched in fists of rage, no angel born in hell could break that Satan’s spell and as the planes climbed high into the night to light the sacrificial right I saw Satan laughing with delight, the day, the music, died. He was singing...

ALIGE: “ SEE! SEE! IT’S GETTING WEIRDER NOW! NOW SATAN’S MENTIONED "

FLIM: “ Brother! Where the fuck is MR. TAN? I WANT TO SHOOT NOW BEFORE YOU DRIVE ME BATTY!!!!!”


DON MCLEAN:

Bye, bye Miss American Pie drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry an them good old' boys were drinking whiskey and rye singing this will be the day that I die, this will be the day that I die.

ALIGE: “ Listen to this last part…LISTEN!!!!!! "

DON MCLEAN:
I met a girl who sang the blues and I asked her for some happy news but she just smiled and turned away, I went down to the sacred store where I'd heard the music years before but the man there said the music wouldn't play and in the streets the children screamed,

FLIM: “ FUCK! I haven’t really looked at it from that perspective. It does sound very atmospheric.”

DON MCLEAN:

The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed but not a word was spoken, the church bells all were broken and the three men I admire most, the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost, they caught the last train for the coast, the day, the music, died, and they were singing...

ALIGE: “ SEE? Even GOD QUITS!!!! HE PACKS UP AND RUNS!!!!!IT’S APOCALYPTICAL. THE END OF THE WORLD!”

I then stared at the disc cover of DON MCLEAN. All innocent and with a harmless guitar. IT’S A FUCKING ACOUSTIC GUITAR FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! It doesn’t even use up electricity so how can it be…could it?

Then again there’s the fiddle, which is associated as the devil’s instrument, and it isn’t plugged on anything!

FLIM: “ How come you don’t get weirded over when OOZY OSBORNE OR BLACK SABBATH sing about DEMONIC POSSESSION AND SLAYINGS AND DISMEMBERMENTS? “

ALIGE: “ That’s what you expect from those guys! All electrical feedback and demonic lyrics! They shout and curse and run around with their black tongs. But not with DON MCLEAN and his mellow songs. When he sings about devils…it’s really creepy.”


FLIM: ”Let me guess…you’re going to talk about LED ZEPPELIN next and STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN! “

ALIGE: “ STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!! I played that part, “ there are two paths you can choose by in the long run” IT SAYS “ SWEET SATAN! “ LED ZEP is another group that sold their soul to the devil just to gain success.”

FLIM: “ HOW ABOUT SELLING YOUR SOUL IN EXCHANGE FOR A FLUID HEAD TRIPOD INSTEAD OF THIS COAT HANGER WE’VE BEEN USING!!!!”

ALIGE: “ Then there’s THE EAGLES AND “ HOTEL CALIFORNIA” Did you know that the hotel is meant to represent HELL?

My mind started to drift away and I had an idea for another episode of SICK SUPER HERO STORIES. I told ALANGUILAN about it and he said that it was cool. After I shoot the TRENCH COAT episode!

ALIGE: “ All of them, DON MCLEAN, LED ZEP AND THE EAGLES sold their souls to the devil to make just one big hit! “

FLIM: “ what about WHITNEY HOUSTON? BRITTNEY SPEARS… YOUR PERSONAL FAVORITE, BRUCE SPRING STEEN? “

ALIGE: BRUCE IS A FULL BLOODED AMERICAN! HE’S NO DEVIL WORSHIPPER!!!!”

FLIM: “ Last I heard so was ANTON LAVEY.LOOK! I’LL CHANGE THE DISC! I’ll BRING BACK THE WHO! OK? “

Made a mental note to do some research on the allegorical meanings MCLEAN put on AMERICAN PIE and will enlighten my provincial friend from LAGUNA about it’s real meanings!

An hour and a half later. There was still no sign of MR. TAN. I played BABA O RILEY for the seventh time. The musical loop doesn’t seem to bother the provincial in the back.I don’t know what thoughts were keeping him entertained but I was fantasizing on the different ways I can skewer MR. TAN with MJOLNIR!

After an hour and forty-five minutes of waiting, MR. TAN wobbles into the scene. Mutters a cursory apology and for a second I was in a quandary, shake his hand or STRIKE FOR THE GOD OF THUNDER! Well… I’ll just make him do take 90! That’s the best revenge!

We drive to the location, which is just a few blocks away. An age-old garage. I choose that location because the roof, which was made of, galvanized iron and had dozens of holes on them. And when the sun shone, shafts of light would come leaking thru. Unfortunately it was raining. It was a cloudy day. HOW TYPICAL!

Set up the cam and the tripod and the sound equipment. Gerry started pacing back and forth and MR. TAN twiddled his thumb and fondled his phone. I planned the shots and did three warm up takes.Asked Alanguilan to support my back as I dollied backwards. I needed a counter pressure against my backward motion to even up the speed bumps of this manual dolly move.

Was able to get a useable footage after take 7. But it wasn’t that great. We could get better takes. It came at take 20. Then a new problem arrived.

A MYNA bird started talking and chatting in the background. It must have been sleeping all that time and ALANGUILAN’s squeaky voiced awoke the sleeping giant!It would rant and raved in the background and we can’t get rid of it because the owner of the house was adamant about the bird staying where it is. Great! I started chanting, “ RED RUM! RED RUM! “ While loading the cam and adjusting my aperture opening.

A few minutes later the Bird starts yelling, “ RED RUM! RED RUM!”

I did take after take after take and the damn bird wont stop yakking!! Hmmmmm WHAT THE HELL! Did a long dolly shot of MR. TAN looking for ERIK, made him stop and look at the bird and establish it’s presence. He exits frame and I dolly towards the bird. I have a great idea for a plot device. IF HE WONT SHUT UP THEN HE’D STAR IN THE MOVIE AS WELL! I’ll use him as an important element in the scene.


Took a lot of master shots for the ED/ ERIK confrontation. Had ERIK walking around, Ed walking around. ERIK kneeling and having him move around as if he’s standing and moving around. ED kneeling and swaying, like he’s standing and swaying.


After the 30th take, they were warmed up and ready for the CRUCIAL FACE REGISTRATION EMOTIONAL IMPRINTS. What they call CLOSE-UPS.

On the onset I was afraid that this would look and sound like your typical average LOCAL TV SOAP thing with one character overreacting and the other just standing around doing nothing, but keeping his hands in his pockets. So I had them do something with their hands and with their feet that had nothing to do with what they were saying.I remember how my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. She was chewing on a bite of siomai and trying to catch the next one with chopsticks she didn’t know how to use.


The Emotional scenes were even punctuated by the cries of the MYNA bird in the background.

Alanguilan had trouble with some of the lines. That’s funny He wrote this scene himself. How could a writer forget his lines? It’s like a director forgetting his shots.SO I asked MR. TAN to bring the script up real close to ALANGUILAN ‘s face. I was doing this as a CLOSE-UP so the viewers can’t see that he’s actually reading lines from his own script!

Then the sky became darker. Obscuring the remaining light on ALANGUILAN’s face
Told Mr. TAN to bring the script paper even closer. Might as well turn it into fill light. The wonders of ultra-low budget filmmaking never ceases to amaze me.

Then as if we didn’t have enough problems, the screaming MYNA BIRD was joined by a chicken from hell! It flapped and crowed and did what chickens normally do. But this one did it louder! I wondered what sin I have committed against the avian kind that they should be sabotaging the shoot! I seemed to recall that my favorite animal to eat was the shrimp so…

My eyes fell on ALANGUILAN!

THAT’S IT! The birds smell the carrion dead of their kind festering within the abominable abdomen of the ALANGUILAN.They know it in their blood that they are in the presence of the DEVOURER OF THE POULTRY RACE! THE GALACTUS OF HEN HOUSES! THE OMEGA OF EGGS BOTH SOFT AND HARD BOILED!

They were not crying mindlessly! They were sending a WAR CRY! Somewhere in the outskirts of New Manila, they are gathering. Thousands of runaway chickens and stray birds will come down on us like what ALFRED HITCHCOCK foresaw decades ago.

THEY WANT VENGEANCE!!!!! For all the fried, sautéed, broiled, barbequed, fricasseed, shushied chickens He consumed in this lifetime and the last!!!!

Told ALANGUILAN about it. He doesn’t seem worried. And why should I too? He’ll just eat them all to death with one gulp.

Thirty minutes later we were still in one piece and no flying horde was on the horizon.

Suddenly there was voice singing a libretto!

THAT’S IT! I can take the MYNA BIRD! And the CHICKEN! BUT I CANT TAKE
THE LIBRETTO! NOT ANYMORE! IT’S TOO MUCH!

I had enough very good shoots. But I wanted more. Told them that it was a pack up and that we would shoot the fight scene next week. Also informed Alanguilan that I finally got his OSCAR CLIP!

We folded our equipments and stuff at the back of the car. Found out thru the driver that the owner of the house like to listen to OPERA while she did her daily laps in the pool.That was very cinematic. I like that! Probably I’d shoot some footage of that one of these days.

We headed for the nearest PERSIAN restaurant. After enduring 45 minutes of WILSON street traffic we found the restaurant closed for lunch. I forgot that they opened in the afternoons. They’re probably too busy building bombs in the morning to cater to hungry costumers. So we just went to LECHING.

After Lunch. I went to the toyshops to check out the CAPTAIN AMERICA MARVEL LEGENDS figure. I kept seeing this everywhere a few months ago. Told myself that I would get it when I felt like it. Now is the time. AND IT’S GONE!!!!!!!!!!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY OH WHY DIDN’T I GET IT BEFORE?? Now it’s GONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Found out that a rich bastard toy collector bought everything in hordes!!!!!! He buys multiple copies of the same thing and then stocks them up and then jacks the price to HIGH HEAVENS!!!! Nifty business plan but totally against the laws of NATURE!Hope the toys fall over him and BLISTER PACKS HIM TO DEATH!!!!!

It was nearing 5 when MR. TAN left ALANGUILAN and me in our favorite corner on SATURDAY shoots.

FLIM: “ So you up for the explosive kits search thru the malls? “

ALANGUILAN: “ I have to go and help someone. “

FLIM: “ Oh…ok. Fine performance. Great OSCAR CLIP. See you next Saturday.”

He grunts something unintelligible and saunters away with hands in the pocket in the BEST FPJ TRADITION.

FLIM: “ Oh by the way…THANKS FOR THE WRATH OF KHAN DVD! IT’S GOING TO OCCUPY A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY COLLECTION. “

He looks at me and there was indignant anger in his eyes but suddenly his brain processes the information. And then it retrieves the much-needed memmory chunck of the bet we made earlier. AS soon as his saurian brain processed this data ,his shoulders then sagged and he nodded in a defeated manner.

Of course I wont take it seriously. Of course I’d return the DVD. I wasn’t about to rob my actor with an OLIVERIAN talent, of his most priced possession. Not after giving a performance that placed a tear in the MYNA bird’s unrepentant eye. Of course not.
But then again………