Last Wednesday, Me and ALANGUILAN and BUDGET TAN met up at ITALIANNI’s to do a reading for the movie. It’s for the scene where ED (BUDGET) brings a t-shirt and other things to an Erik (ALANGUILAN) in hiding. It was one of three heavy dialogue laden scenes in the flick and quite frankly Im a bit apprehensive about how the two will handle it. As much as ALANGUILAN hates to do readings, I find them very important.I had no intention of sitting around the set, which happens to be a very cramped, hot and musty place and then wait for them to “ discover “ their respective character traits!
I want to shoot fast and hard once we arrive. I want to hit the ground, running so to speak.And that would be virtually impossible if they just memorized their lines on their own. THERE MUST BE AN INTERACTION BETWEEN THE TWO!
Readings set the stage for the actors to find their voice and experiment with the role. It’s the best way to see if the dialogue is doable or just plain too unwieldy. It is also the time to set the verbal cadence and to hone in the emotional content of each line.
I do not see scripts as untouchable cannons that should be revered and worshipped right down to the last coma! Scripts are at best, a working draft that should be modified and changed even to the last minute if it will make the movie, BETTER! I find it funny whenever I read a scriptwriter complaining bitterly about how their scripts got mangled by so-so producer or director. TOUGH LUCK !that’s the way the EGG BREAKS! They seem to forget that the script is not the be all end all. ITS JUST THAT! A SCRIPT! I don’t see a painter doing a thumbnail sketch and having it framed. Unless it’s MICHELANGELO BOUNARROTI! Now if they don’t want their babies, circumcised and chopped up into so many pieces then they better write a novel instead but then again there’s the editor and her delete button. I myself have been thru development hell and saw a very good script rendered into something not even worth wiping your pet’s butt with.In the end the true power lies within the one who wields CREATIVE CONTROL!
Despite the hustle and bustle of the restaurant, the barely audible and squeaky voice of ALANGUILAN and the muttering monotones of the STAN LEE of THE PHILIPPINES rose above the din and I got a few ideas on how to pace the scene and the way it should be shot. Occasionally I’d draw a frame here and there on my copy of the script and annotate a line when an inspiration hits me. Loved the way Mr. Tan’s mouth popped wide open when I told him that I plan to do the scene in one ENTIRE TAKE! Of course I didn’t tell him that its just one of the ten ways I would shoot the scene. I want him to memorize his lines and not depend on multiple cuts to save his performance. We may be shooting the cheapest film in the archipelago but that’s no excuse to slack around! And Budgett isn’t working for free! We’re going to wine and dine him so…there!
After several readings we got to talking about our mutual love for the comic medium.Im seriously considering printing SEXMEN 2 & 3. the books have been written and drawn and inked. All that remains is to publish them. Alanguilan read SEXMEN 2 and told me to do it since he hasn’t read anything like that in his life. Well he could just be buttering me up a bit cause he knows I KNOW which angles flatter him less. But Vinnie From Comic quest also told me that there were still some costumers who are looking for the title so….
The Star of the movie was ogling MR. Tan’s new cellphone. I got to hand it to the guy. If he isn’t staring at Gay people’s chemically enhanced nipples, he’s drooling over state of the art gadgets. Wasn’t that impressed with the phone. So what if your phone can take pictures? Only means you got your camera stolen too when your phone gets swiped, right?
Then from comics the topic shifted to the JENNY CONUNDRUM. (I love that word. I first heard it from the BATMAN TV SERIES, STARRING ADAM WEST and would always try to squeeze it in when ever possible.) We went thru the usual list of potential women we knew. And always end up with nothing. One of the waitresses looked nice. But Alanguilan stopped me from asking her. Maybe he was afraid she’d spit on his chicken.
SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO WITH A PROBLEM CALLED JENNY? If worse comes to worse I’d just do her as a hand puppet! Saves me the trouble of feeding her!
The talk went back to comics and manga influenced artists. I totally zoned out as someone went on a rampage about how the indigenous style of drawing is fast disappearing in the face of the second Japanese invasion. Quickly wondered if I should maybe shoot his coming wedding. With any luck his manga drawing opponents might drop by and …well I might get some interesting footages.
WASTED is taking so long to shoot that I have already begun splinter projects to break down the entropy effect that is slowly creeping in. One of these is KUPAL. A series of short films about urban life. And the other one is SICK SUPERHERO STORIES. The title says it all. Yep, I will relax during the WASTED shooting breaks, by shooting another thing. Already have an idea for the first story. Did the board a few days ago.Will shoot for a day or two and then edit it in three and presto! Now the only thing left is rounding up the usual suspects and conning them to star in it, for free of course!
Thursday, September 26, 2002
Monday, September 23, 2002
MY TYPICAL DAY PART-1
4: 14>-Woke up. Not fully booted yet. Spent a couple of minutes trying to charge up the Brain cells. Failing miserably I just opened the television set and started frying what little is left!
Nothing interesting after channel surfing for almost twenty Minutes. What the hell am I paying cable for? If it’s not a bunch anthropologist suffering with delusions of grandeur while grappling with amphibious reptiles it’s a bunch of NO BRAIN teenagers going thru scenic spots while mouthing off NO BRAIN conversations with each other.
5:00- Opened the CAVE and activated COMPUTER number 2. Checked the emails and visited my favorite sites, nothing new. Logged on to ASIAN THUMBS. Nothing spectacular this week or am I just getting jaded with all those nipples?I mean how many variations of a female nipple can a man take. I’m a breast man so This really concerns me.
5:45-Checked the storyboards for KUPAL. I’m missing five pages and discovered that Some of the WASTED boards got mixed in with it. Spent a long time just trying to sort thru all the papers that are inside the CAVE. Wrote a note to myself about reminding me to create a proper archiving system. Then much to my horror I discover that much of the papers discarded across the editing table are reminders of… YES! Create a proper archiving system.
6:50- Wrote a second draft of KUPAL and then switched to WEDGE. MICHELLE BRANCH is on the telly doing her first hit. Have a major crush on her with that long straight hair. They must grow her in a farm or something cause I somehow smell corncobs and cow’s milk. Which is the total opposite of what I get when I see GWEN STEFANI. Seldom washed armpits and spoilt eggs!
Got a call from ABDUL ALHAZARED. Told me that He has the EPISODE 2 Dvds with interactive menus. It was the exact DVD that will come out late November this year. The processing plant where LUCAS FILMS had theirs pressed made more copies. Told him to bring it over. Someone’s stealing from GEORGE LUCAS that’s a change. He usually steals from someone else. OOPS! Forgot, he uses the Word, HOMAGE. Which is basically FRENCH FOR STEALING!
Still love the guy though. He’s the greatest!
8:55- Preparing lunch. Sautéed CRABS in OLIVE OIL, garlic and a pinch of TOYO! Cut my finger while inserting a slab of butter within the crabs exposed head! Wondered why I was going thru all this intricate ritual of making good crabs when most of the people in the house either hate it or allergic to shells? Must be the SADIST IN ME.
9:23 - Crabs are cooking over a very slow fire. Placed the ALIGE (CRAB FAT)In a separate bowl and mixed seasonings to use for the gravy. YUMMY!
9:50- CHOW TIME!!!!! YEEHAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
Most people don’t like to eat what they’ve cooked. Doesn’t seem logical right? Why wouldn’t you want to eat what you just pain stakingly cooked? My friends say its because you get sick of the smell since you’re inhaling it. Filipino word for it is NAUUMAY. Sounds like a POST-OPARIAN TRIBE from EDGAR RICE BURROUGHS. Or is it closer to H RIDER HAGGARD? What the hell must use it for a story or something.
Went down and dirty, cracking up the shells and pouring the gravy on top of it. This dish must have a high cholesterol count. But I haven’t eaten anything fatty for a week now ,so there. Spoons and forks are out! If you eat crabs you must eat your rice by hand as well.
Phone rings and its DB. I told the maid to tell him that I’m indisposed. It’s urgent, according to the maid. Grumbling and mumbling I washed my hands. For some people it happens in the bathroom. BUT NOT ME! It’s always when I’m in the middle of a spectacular meal. AT LEAST IT ISN’T PAUL LEE
FLIM: “ WHAT IS IT? IM BUSY EATING!”
DB: “ I’m proposing this unique television series and…”
FLIM: “ You and a hundred fifty thousand NAUUMAYS from equatorial Africa.”
DB: “ SHUT UP YOU IDIOT! This is important. It’s going to be a travelogue Where we feature great scenic spots to boost the country’s tourism Industry.”
FLIM: “ LOOK YOU TIT! LISTEN CAREFULLY! WE DON’T HAVE A TOURISM
INDUSTRY! Only YOU AND DICK GORDON BELIEVE THIS SHIT! NO
FOREIGNER WOULD EVER WANT TO SET FOOT IN THIS COUNTRY
AGAIN. UNLESS YOU’RE AN AL-QUIDA, looking to set up a BOOTH
CAMP.”
DB:“ That’s exactly why the department of Tourism needs this. JUST FUCKING LISTEN! This is a unique concept.”
FLIM: “ YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! Bunch of teenaged girls who look pretty and dumb smiling and GUFFAWING in front of the cam while injecting small factual Tidbits! Oh yeah THAT ‘S REALLY ORIGINAL! YOU’LL SLAY THEM ON PRIME TIME!”
DB: “ GAGO! Its not like that and there’s no bunch of sports enthusiast promoting good living and drinking beer either.
FLIM: “ So what’s your take? Look my crab is waiting and the gravy is coagulating!”
D.B: “ Promise me you wont divulge this to anyone until I get the green light? “
FLIM: “ What has this got to do with me? “
D.B: “ I want you to CO-STAR and CO-DIRECT with me. We have a great chemistry going. Remember when we guest starred numerous times in that Radio show.We wrecked havoc! You and me on this show,imagine what could happen? “
FLIM: “ Im very busy! I have three films in various stages of developments. Plus My Grandmother’s bosom friend who happens to be a publisher wants me to do a Fairy tale for children! I don’t think I can squeeze this in! WAIT A MINUTE YOU HAVEN’T EVEN PITCHED THIS! WHY ARE WE EVEN HAVINGTHIS CONVERSATION? GOODBYE I ’M BACK TO MAKING LOVE WITH MY CRABS! “
D.B: “ No wait! I pitched it and THEY LOVED IT! “
By this time I totally lost my appetite. I just looked at the crab with its leg spread wide.Waiting for my oily hands to undress her hard shells and liberate the soft white and tender meat from its dark prison. To put it in my mouth and taste her glory!FUCK!!!!!
FLIM: “ So what’s your slant? “
He told me! Must admit that it’s a stroke of genius! The FUCKHEAD really had a good slant. He then named the sponsors that he already had lined up!
D.B: “ And this isn’t going to be nickel and dime stuff. We’re going to be highly paid for this.”
FLIM: “ Like how much?”
DB: “ Well Im still negotiating with them. But they’ll give us three truckloads of soap. And that s only from the soap company.”
FLIM: “ Come again?”
DB: “Three truckloads of soap.”
FLIM: “ TRUCKLOADS OF SOAP? “
DB: “ Yeah and then we’d just find someone who has a chain of supermarkets and we’d down load them there.”
FLIM: “TRUCK LOADS OF SOAP? “
DB: “They want to pay in kind and…”
FLIM: “ I DON’T THINK THAT I CAN EVEN CONSUME A TRUCKLOAD OF SOAP IN MY LIFETIME! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU PROPOSE? THAT I PASS OFF THE REMAINING TRUCKS TO MY DESCENDANTS? A REWARD FOR BEING A PART OF THE FLIM BLOODLINE YOU STUPID TWAT!!!!!”
DB: “ SEE? THAT’S GREAT? I LOVE YOUR REACTIONS! That’s why I want you to co-star with me and co direct this series. IT S GOING TO BE GREAT! Maybe I should be filming this scene right now!
FLIM: “ DB, I LOVE TAKING A BATH LIKE THE NEXT MAN. But I prefer to buy my Soap like the next man. In a grocery! Where I can choose if I feel a little bit floral this week or if I want the medical type that washes scabs away! I CAN GET THEM ON MY OWN! ”
DB: “ Are you free this afternoon? We can meet in MAKATI to iron out the concept? “
FLIM: “ Three truckloads of soap.”
DB: “ ARE YOU FREE THIS AFTERNOON? “
FLIM: “ NO! I have to go to the gym to workout. My dolly shots aren’t what they used to be. I have to be back in tip- top shape!”
DB: “ Then what? What will you do? “
FLIM: “ Check out some prop gas canisters and some explosives.”
DB: “ Why don’t you just get a production assitant for that ? “
FLIM: “ I like doing things myself. Aside from its going to cost money.”
DB: “ We’ll have production assistants for the show.”
FLIM: “ Paying them in soap? “
DB: “ Tex me when you’re finished shopping for the props. We’ll have coffee! “
FLIM: “ I don’t drink coffee.”
DB: “ Fine we’ll oggle some girls while meeting. “
FLIM: “I”D DO IT IF I GET TO OWN THE RIGHTS TO MANUFACTURE THE
ACTION FIGURES SPIN OFF FROM THE SERIES.”
DB: “ BE FUCKING SERIOUS! “
FLIM: “ Lets just talk later when Im finished! “
DB: ” Tex me when you’re done!”
Sat on the dinner table and looked at the crab. SORRY MON CHERI, IT WASNT MEANT TO BE. I will have you later. When the time is right.
10:15: ALHAZARED arrives. Shows me the EPISODE 2 DVDS! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! LUCASFILMS is releasing it late November and here it is. ON MY TV!!It’s the real thing! It even has the 3d animated menus and its not the same, every time you insert the disc. It alternates between CROSUSANT, GENOSIS and KAMINO! The copy was extremely sharp. The same level as my EPISODE1 R1! It’s even better than the one shown here in the theaters. The movie was shot in HD TV. Meaning its digital and there was huge image loss when they transferred it back to film. Lucas meant it to be shown digitally but since there’s no so many digital theaters available… The battle scenes are superb! Plus there is running commentary from GEORGE LUCAS on track 2.This disc can no longer be defined as a bootleg. Because it doesn’t give justice to it.Pant! Pant! I WANT ONE! But I have to play it cool! So I can get it for a lower price
But you just can’t put one over ABDUL. He is the craftiest Muslim vendor I have ever met! He is adept at DVD LORE. He knows his DTS and digital compression lingos! He is in all sense of the word, A MAGI of PIRATES!
Asked him how many are still available so I can tell my friends. He tells me that only a handful is still within reach. He could get the version 2, which is almost the same,ALMOST! It just doesn’t have the great animated shifting menus. It’s cheaper. But if you want the version1 you got to cough up a more hundred peso bills
I coughed up more hundreds than I usually pay for a pirated discs. WHAT THE HELL Im going to buy the original anyway so this would just satisfy my craving for the real thing. SO I shouldnt feel guilty! Can’t wait till November!
4: 14>-Woke up. Not fully booted yet. Spent a couple of minutes trying to charge up the Brain cells. Failing miserably I just opened the television set and started frying what little is left!
Nothing interesting after channel surfing for almost twenty Minutes. What the hell am I paying cable for? If it’s not a bunch anthropologist suffering with delusions of grandeur while grappling with amphibious reptiles it’s a bunch of NO BRAIN teenagers going thru scenic spots while mouthing off NO BRAIN conversations with each other.
5:00- Opened the CAVE and activated COMPUTER number 2. Checked the emails and visited my favorite sites, nothing new. Logged on to ASIAN THUMBS. Nothing spectacular this week or am I just getting jaded with all those nipples?I mean how many variations of a female nipple can a man take. I’m a breast man so This really concerns me.
5:45-Checked the storyboards for KUPAL. I’m missing five pages and discovered that Some of the WASTED boards got mixed in with it. Spent a long time just trying to sort thru all the papers that are inside the CAVE. Wrote a note to myself about reminding me to create a proper archiving system. Then much to my horror I discover that much of the papers discarded across the editing table are reminders of… YES! Create a proper archiving system.
6:50- Wrote a second draft of KUPAL and then switched to WEDGE. MICHELLE BRANCH is on the telly doing her first hit. Have a major crush on her with that long straight hair. They must grow her in a farm or something cause I somehow smell corncobs and cow’s milk. Which is the total opposite of what I get when I see GWEN STEFANI. Seldom washed armpits and spoilt eggs!
Got a call from ABDUL ALHAZARED. Told me that He has the EPISODE 2 Dvds with interactive menus. It was the exact DVD that will come out late November this year. The processing plant where LUCAS FILMS had theirs pressed made more copies. Told him to bring it over. Someone’s stealing from GEORGE LUCAS that’s a change. He usually steals from someone else. OOPS! Forgot, he uses the Word, HOMAGE. Which is basically FRENCH FOR STEALING!
Still love the guy though. He’s the greatest!
8:55- Preparing lunch. Sautéed CRABS in OLIVE OIL, garlic and a pinch of TOYO! Cut my finger while inserting a slab of butter within the crabs exposed head! Wondered why I was going thru all this intricate ritual of making good crabs when most of the people in the house either hate it or allergic to shells? Must be the SADIST IN ME.
9:23 - Crabs are cooking over a very slow fire. Placed the ALIGE (CRAB FAT)In a separate bowl and mixed seasonings to use for the gravy. YUMMY!
9:50- CHOW TIME!!!!! YEEHAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
Most people don’t like to eat what they’ve cooked. Doesn’t seem logical right? Why wouldn’t you want to eat what you just pain stakingly cooked? My friends say its because you get sick of the smell since you’re inhaling it. Filipino word for it is NAUUMAY. Sounds like a POST-OPARIAN TRIBE from EDGAR RICE BURROUGHS. Or is it closer to H RIDER HAGGARD? What the hell must use it for a story or something.
Went down and dirty, cracking up the shells and pouring the gravy on top of it. This dish must have a high cholesterol count. But I haven’t eaten anything fatty for a week now ,so there. Spoons and forks are out! If you eat crabs you must eat your rice by hand as well.
Phone rings and its DB. I told the maid to tell him that I’m indisposed. It’s urgent, according to the maid. Grumbling and mumbling I washed my hands. For some people it happens in the bathroom. BUT NOT ME! It’s always when I’m in the middle of a spectacular meal. AT LEAST IT ISN’T PAUL LEE
FLIM: “ WHAT IS IT? IM BUSY EATING!”
DB: “ I’m proposing this unique television series and…”
FLIM: “ You and a hundred fifty thousand NAUUMAYS from equatorial Africa.”
DB: “ SHUT UP YOU IDIOT! This is important. It’s going to be a travelogue Where we feature great scenic spots to boost the country’s tourism Industry.”
FLIM: “ LOOK YOU TIT! LISTEN CAREFULLY! WE DON’T HAVE A TOURISM
INDUSTRY! Only YOU AND DICK GORDON BELIEVE THIS SHIT! NO
FOREIGNER WOULD EVER WANT TO SET FOOT IN THIS COUNTRY
AGAIN. UNLESS YOU’RE AN AL-QUIDA, looking to set up a BOOTH
CAMP.”
DB:“ That’s exactly why the department of Tourism needs this. JUST FUCKING LISTEN! This is a unique concept.”
FLIM: “ YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! Bunch of teenaged girls who look pretty and dumb smiling and GUFFAWING in front of the cam while injecting small factual Tidbits! Oh yeah THAT ‘S REALLY ORIGINAL! YOU’LL SLAY THEM ON PRIME TIME!”
DB: “ GAGO! Its not like that and there’s no bunch of sports enthusiast promoting good living and drinking beer either.
FLIM: “ So what’s your take? Look my crab is waiting and the gravy is coagulating!”
D.B: “ Promise me you wont divulge this to anyone until I get the green light? “
FLIM: “ What has this got to do with me? “
D.B: “ I want you to CO-STAR and CO-DIRECT with me. We have a great chemistry going. Remember when we guest starred numerous times in that Radio show.We wrecked havoc! You and me on this show,imagine what could happen? “
FLIM: “ Im very busy! I have three films in various stages of developments. Plus My Grandmother’s bosom friend who happens to be a publisher wants me to do a Fairy tale for children! I don’t think I can squeeze this in! WAIT A MINUTE YOU HAVEN’T EVEN PITCHED THIS! WHY ARE WE EVEN HAVINGTHIS CONVERSATION? GOODBYE I ’M BACK TO MAKING LOVE WITH MY CRABS! “
D.B: “ No wait! I pitched it and THEY LOVED IT! “
By this time I totally lost my appetite. I just looked at the crab with its leg spread wide.Waiting for my oily hands to undress her hard shells and liberate the soft white and tender meat from its dark prison. To put it in my mouth and taste her glory!FUCK!!!!!
FLIM: “ So what’s your slant? “
He told me! Must admit that it’s a stroke of genius! The FUCKHEAD really had a good slant. He then named the sponsors that he already had lined up!
D.B: “ And this isn’t going to be nickel and dime stuff. We’re going to be highly paid for this.”
FLIM: “ Like how much?”
DB: “ Well Im still negotiating with them. But they’ll give us three truckloads of soap. And that s only from the soap company.”
FLIM: “ Come again?”
DB: “Three truckloads of soap.”
FLIM: “ TRUCKLOADS OF SOAP? “
DB: “ Yeah and then we’d just find someone who has a chain of supermarkets and we’d down load them there.”
FLIM: “TRUCK LOADS OF SOAP? “
DB: “They want to pay in kind and…”
FLIM: “ I DON’T THINK THAT I CAN EVEN CONSUME A TRUCKLOAD OF SOAP IN MY LIFETIME! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU PROPOSE? THAT I PASS OFF THE REMAINING TRUCKS TO MY DESCENDANTS? A REWARD FOR BEING A PART OF THE FLIM BLOODLINE YOU STUPID TWAT!!!!!”
DB: “ SEE? THAT’S GREAT? I LOVE YOUR REACTIONS! That’s why I want you to co-star with me and co direct this series. IT S GOING TO BE GREAT! Maybe I should be filming this scene right now!
FLIM: “ DB, I LOVE TAKING A BATH LIKE THE NEXT MAN. But I prefer to buy my Soap like the next man. In a grocery! Where I can choose if I feel a little bit floral this week or if I want the medical type that washes scabs away! I CAN GET THEM ON MY OWN! ”
DB: “ Are you free this afternoon? We can meet in MAKATI to iron out the concept? “
FLIM: “ Three truckloads of soap.”
DB: “ ARE YOU FREE THIS AFTERNOON? “
FLIM: “ NO! I have to go to the gym to workout. My dolly shots aren’t what they used to be. I have to be back in tip- top shape!”
DB: “ Then what? What will you do? “
FLIM: “ Check out some prop gas canisters and some explosives.”
DB: “ Why don’t you just get a production assitant for that ? “
FLIM: “ I like doing things myself. Aside from its going to cost money.”
DB: “ We’ll have production assistants for the show.”
FLIM: “ Paying them in soap? “
DB: “ Tex me when you’re finished shopping for the props. We’ll have coffee! “
FLIM: “ I don’t drink coffee.”
DB: “ Fine we’ll oggle some girls while meeting. “
FLIM: “I”D DO IT IF I GET TO OWN THE RIGHTS TO MANUFACTURE THE
ACTION FIGURES SPIN OFF FROM THE SERIES.”
DB: “ BE FUCKING SERIOUS! “
FLIM: “ Lets just talk later when Im finished! “
DB: ” Tex me when you’re done!”
Sat on the dinner table and looked at the crab. SORRY MON CHERI, IT WASNT MEANT TO BE. I will have you later. When the time is right.
10:15: ALHAZARED arrives. Shows me the EPISODE 2 DVDS! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! LUCASFILMS is releasing it late November and here it is. ON MY TV!!It’s the real thing! It even has the 3d animated menus and its not the same, every time you insert the disc. It alternates between CROSUSANT, GENOSIS and KAMINO! The copy was extremely sharp. The same level as my EPISODE1 R1! It’s even better than the one shown here in the theaters. The movie was shot in HD TV. Meaning its digital and there was huge image loss when they transferred it back to film. Lucas meant it to be shown digitally but since there’s no so many digital theaters available… The battle scenes are superb! Plus there is running commentary from GEORGE LUCAS on track 2.This disc can no longer be defined as a bootleg. Because it doesn’t give justice to it.Pant! Pant! I WANT ONE! But I have to play it cool! So I can get it for a lower price
But you just can’t put one over ABDUL. He is the craftiest Muslim vendor I have ever met! He is adept at DVD LORE. He knows his DTS and digital compression lingos! He is in all sense of the word, A MAGI of PIRATES!
Asked him how many are still available so I can tell my friends. He tells me that only a handful is still within reach. He could get the version 2, which is almost the same,ALMOST! It just doesn’t have the great animated shifting menus. It’s cheaper. But if you want the version1 you got to cough up a more hundred peso bills
I coughed up more hundreds than I usually pay for a pirated discs. WHAT THE HELL Im going to buy the original anyway so this would just satisfy my craving for the real thing. SO I shouldnt feel guilty! Can’t wait till November!
Sunday, September 22, 2002
THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE OF CELLPHONES- PART II
An hour later I m zooming towards the TELECOM BUILDING just a few yards away from THE HEART CENTER. When I get there I ‘m shocked to see at least about fifty people standing in line.
“ Is this where I can get my phone blocked.?”
A man in his mid-30s nods.
I was given a file and filled it up and then went up the second floor where there was a waiting room. Sitting in the black leather sofa I stared at the people there. They all had the same look I had.
Depressed, tired and violated. But there was something in their eyes. THERE WAS
…VENGEANCE!
A terrible silence permeated within. People fidgeted and twisted knots on their bag straps.
After 20 minutes of waiting I made small talk with the person next to me.
“ How did yours get stolen? “
“ Was walking in Megamall.My cell was in the backpack. When I tried to make a call.it was no longer there. The zipper was opened.”
FLIM: “ When I put my wallet in my backpack I put it up front cause I’m paranoid and I just don’t like it dangling behind me. But then I look really stupid with the backpack upfront.”
BACKPACK: “ Well its better to look stupid and have your wallet still there.”
FLIM: “ Yep Its better to look stupid than to feel stupid after wards.”
He looks at me and asks, “ How did yours get stolen? “
FLIM : “ Placed it on the counter of a friend’s shop and then this stupidfucking teenage girl asks to get a look at a t-shirt. My guard was down at the time and when my friend handed her the t shirt she drapes it over the cell and plops it in her bag and then return the shirt.”
I noticed too late that the phone was gone.
BACKPACK: “ Maybe it was an inside job.”
FLIM: “ HMM GOOD PLOT DEVELOPMENT! “
“ Ours got stolen when we were shopping in. (I forgot the name of the place.)
He just yanked mine and hers and ran.”
I looked at the guy who butted in. I thought that the girl was just accompanying him. Someone actually has the nerve to steal a married couples individual cell phones in one go. THE FUCKING NERVE!
So from utter silence everybody starting talking and trading phone stealing stories.
Turns out that there’s an average 60- 80 phones stolen everyday. I asked if having the phone blocked really works. BACKPACK replies that it really does work.
I then countered,” If it does then why are there still more stolen cell phones? “
BACKPACK: “ Because its not highly publicized yet?”
FILM: “ Shouldn’t they publicize it so that it can act as a DETERRENT? Shouldn’t that be part of the campaign?”
This is turning into a DR STRANGELOVE SCENARIO.
BACKPACK: “ In due time I guess people will know and then the stealing would stop.”
FILM: “ Well in my book its not enough. I want THOSE FUCKERS TO PAY FOR STEALING OUR PHONES! Look at the inconvenience we have to go thru. Not to mention the important data stored in the sim. THEY SHOULD PAY.”The people start nodding their heads in agreement.
FILM: “ We need a device that should be able to track down the location of our cell phones. So that when it gets stolen then we can track it down.”
HUSBAND: “ That wouldn’t pass congress. Politicians don’t like being tracked by their official wives.
FILM: True, true, true.
Silence.
BACKPACK: “ What about a code that you can send that will disable the phone so it won’t work again.”
WIFE: “ That’s what we are doing here. Having the phone blocked. So at least we’d have that. The satisfaction of them not using our phones ever.
FLIM: “ Yeah. But we don’t get our revenge! We must have VENGEANCE! I PROMISED MY CELL PHONE THAT I WOULD AVENGE IT!”
WIFE: ” This is a form of revenge.”
FLIM: “ Begging your pardon, Maam. This is a WALT DISNEY REVENGE RATING.
It’s good for furry rabbits and talking frogs. Typically harmless! WHAT WE NEED
is GOOD OLD FASHIONED BIBLICAL RETRIBUTION!
THUNDERBOLTS FROM THE SKY! PILLARS OF SALT AND
THE SLAYING OF THE FIRST BORN STUFF!”
Wife smiles at my performance, “ But the Bible teaches us to forgive too you know?”
FLIM: “ YOU READ THE WRONG AUTHOR ,MAM! I’M TALKING ABOUT THE
ORIGINAL BIBLE! THE FIRST EVER! THE FIRST IS ALWAYS THE
BEST. SEQUELS ARE INFERIOR! THEY NEVER MATCH THE
ORIGINAL EXCEPT FOR THE GODFATHER PART 2 WHICH
TRANSCENDS THE ORIGINAL IN SCOPE AND CONTENT.”
WIFE: “ So much hate. It’s only a cell phone? “
I could have told her that if it was just a cell phone then what the hell was she doing here?
AIR CONDITIONING NOT WORKING IN HER HOUSE? Is the view on the 2nd floor of the telecom building the best vantage point in manila to see the spectacular MARIKINA MOUNTAIN SCAPES? IS HER HUSBAND THAT BORING A CONSERVATIONIST THAT SHE SEEKS SMALL TALK ELSEWHERE?
Instead I quoted my favorite line, ‘ She tasks me! SHE TASKS ME! I’ll CHASE HER THRU THE ANTARES MAELSTROM ROUND AND ROUND PERDITIONS FLAME BEFORE I GIVE HER UP!”
BACKPACK: “ In MUSLIM countries they cut off the hands of the thieves.”
FILM: “ That sounds nice! How about a device that you attach in the cell and when its
Stolen you can go thru this procedure and instead of having it blocked, it
Explodes while the thief is using it. WOULDN’T THAT BE GREAT? “
HUSBAND: “ I like that.”
BACKPACK nods.
FLIM: “ Would you buy such a device? “
My mind was reeling with the possibility of inventing THE BANG THE HEAD OF THE CELL PHONE THIEF! Get rich and get your revenge at the same time, how sweet.
HUSBAND: “ Yes.”
BACKPACK: “ Me too”
Most people in the waiting room enthusiastically supported the idea.
But in hindsight I wondered what would happen if someone got hold of the serial number and your device and then sends it exploding while you’re using it? What the hell! Like any world-class manufacturer I ‘d just settle that quietly out of court and bribe the usual suspects.
Then the women in charge of the processing come out with our papers and hands it over. We have to go down again to have it filed and in a couple of weeks the phones would be blocked. We can even check it in their website if our phones have been blocked!
On the way out I asked her if it really worked. Cause I was a little bit apprehensive. I can’t really believe that the government and the telecom companies have actually come up with something that ACTUALLY WORKS! Its down right scary.
“ Yes IT works! I have received a lot of reports that it really works! “
SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE BUREAUCRAT. Not really saying anything that makes sense.
On the way home. I just can’t help but feel that I accomplished something. That I tipped the balance in the universal scales of justice. TOO BAD I WASN’T ABLE TO BASH HER WITH MY TRIPOD BUT YOU KNOW? Like what Spock said, “ I’d like to think that there are possibilities.”
Of course a few days later thru my favorite cell phone repairman, Id discover that HAVING YOUR CELL BLOCKED IS PURE BULLSHIT! THAT IT’S VERY EASY TO HAVE IT UNBLOCKED! JUST TAKE IT TO YOUR LOCAL PHONE MAN AND FOR A PRICE HE’D UNBLOCK IT BY CHANGING THE PHONE’S SERIAL NUMBER VIA A PC UNIT!
I laughed hysterically. Felt Like Charlton Heston at the end of PLANET OF THE APES.
Now whenever I’m in the mall and when I see a girl using a blue 6150, I have this strange urge…to fondle my tripod
An hour later I m zooming towards the TELECOM BUILDING just a few yards away from THE HEART CENTER. When I get there I ‘m shocked to see at least about fifty people standing in line.
“ Is this where I can get my phone blocked.?”
A man in his mid-30s nods.
I was given a file and filled it up and then went up the second floor where there was a waiting room. Sitting in the black leather sofa I stared at the people there. They all had the same look I had.
Depressed, tired and violated. But there was something in their eyes. THERE WAS
…VENGEANCE!
A terrible silence permeated within. People fidgeted and twisted knots on their bag straps.
After 20 minutes of waiting I made small talk with the person next to me.
“ How did yours get stolen? “
“ Was walking in Megamall.My cell was in the backpack. When I tried to make a call.it was no longer there. The zipper was opened.”
FLIM: “ When I put my wallet in my backpack I put it up front cause I’m paranoid and I just don’t like it dangling behind me. But then I look really stupid with the backpack upfront.”
BACKPACK: “ Well its better to look stupid and have your wallet still there.”
FLIM: “ Yep Its better to look stupid than to feel stupid after wards.”
He looks at me and asks, “ How did yours get stolen? “
FLIM : “ Placed it on the counter of a friend’s shop and then this stupidfucking teenage girl asks to get a look at a t-shirt. My guard was down at the time and when my friend handed her the t shirt she drapes it over the cell and plops it in her bag and then return the shirt.”
I noticed too late that the phone was gone.
BACKPACK: “ Maybe it was an inside job.”
FLIM: “ HMM GOOD PLOT DEVELOPMENT! “
“ Ours got stolen when we were shopping in. (I forgot the name of the place.)
He just yanked mine and hers and ran.”
I looked at the guy who butted in. I thought that the girl was just accompanying him. Someone actually has the nerve to steal a married couples individual cell phones in one go. THE FUCKING NERVE!
So from utter silence everybody starting talking and trading phone stealing stories.
Turns out that there’s an average 60- 80 phones stolen everyday. I asked if having the phone blocked really works. BACKPACK replies that it really does work.
I then countered,” If it does then why are there still more stolen cell phones? “
BACKPACK: “ Because its not highly publicized yet?”
FILM: “ Shouldn’t they publicize it so that it can act as a DETERRENT? Shouldn’t that be part of the campaign?”
This is turning into a DR STRANGELOVE SCENARIO.
BACKPACK: “ In due time I guess people will know and then the stealing would stop.”
FILM: “ Well in my book its not enough. I want THOSE FUCKERS TO PAY FOR STEALING OUR PHONES! Look at the inconvenience we have to go thru. Not to mention the important data stored in the sim. THEY SHOULD PAY.”The people start nodding their heads in agreement.
FILM: “ We need a device that should be able to track down the location of our cell phones. So that when it gets stolen then we can track it down.”
HUSBAND: “ That wouldn’t pass congress. Politicians don’t like being tracked by their official wives.
FILM: True, true, true.
Silence.
BACKPACK: “ What about a code that you can send that will disable the phone so it won’t work again.”
WIFE: “ That’s what we are doing here. Having the phone blocked. So at least we’d have that. The satisfaction of them not using our phones ever.
FLIM: “ Yeah. But we don’t get our revenge! We must have VENGEANCE! I PROMISED MY CELL PHONE THAT I WOULD AVENGE IT!”
WIFE: ” This is a form of revenge.”
FLIM: “ Begging your pardon, Maam. This is a WALT DISNEY REVENGE RATING.
It’s good for furry rabbits and talking frogs. Typically harmless! WHAT WE NEED
is GOOD OLD FASHIONED BIBLICAL RETRIBUTION!
THUNDERBOLTS FROM THE SKY! PILLARS OF SALT AND
THE SLAYING OF THE FIRST BORN STUFF!”
Wife smiles at my performance, “ But the Bible teaches us to forgive too you know?”
FLIM: “ YOU READ THE WRONG AUTHOR ,MAM! I’M TALKING ABOUT THE
ORIGINAL BIBLE! THE FIRST EVER! THE FIRST IS ALWAYS THE
BEST. SEQUELS ARE INFERIOR! THEY NEVER MATCH THE
ORIGINAL EXCEPT FOR THE GODFATHER PART 2 WHICH
TRANSCENDS THE ORIGINAL IN SCOPE AND CONTENT.”
WIFE: “ So much hate. It’s only a cell phone? “
I could have told her that if it was just a cell phone then what the hell was she doing here?
AIR CONDITIONING NOT WORKING IN HER HOUSE? Is the view on the 2nd floor of the telecom building the best vantage point in manila to see the spectacular MARIKINA MOUNTAIN SCAPES? IS HER HUSBAND THAT BORING A CONSERVATIONIST THAT SHE SEEKS SMALL TALK ELSEWHERE?
Instead I quoted my favorite line, ‘ She tasks me! SHE TASKS ME! I’ll CHASE HER THRU THE ANTARES MAELSTROM ROUND AND ROUND PERDITIONS FLAME BEFORE I GIVE HER UP!”
BACKPACK: “ In MUSLIM countries they cut off the hands of the thieves.”
FILM: “ That sounds nice! How about a device that you attach in the cell and when its
Stolen you can go thru this procedure and instead of having it blocked, it
Explodes while the thief is using it. WOULDN’T THAT BE GREAT? “
HUSBAND: “ I like that.”
BACKPACK nods.
FLIM: “ Would you buy such a device? “
My mind was reeling with the possibility of inventing THE BANG THE HEAD OF THE CELL PHONE THIEF! Get rich and get your revenge at the same time, how sweet.
HUSBAND: “ Yes.”
BACKPACK: “ Me too”
Most people in the waiting room enthusiastically supported the idea.
But in hindsight I wondered what would happen if someone got hold of the serial number and your device and then sends it exploding while you’re using it? What the hell! Like any world-class manufacturer I ‘d just settle that quietly out of court and bribe the usual suspects.
Then the women in charge of the processing come out with our papers and hands it over. We have to go down again to have it filed and in a couple of weeks the phones would be blocked. We can even check it in their website if our phones have been blocked!
On the way out I asked her if it really worked. Cause I was a little bit apprehensive. I can’t really believe that the government and the telecom companies have actually come up with something that ACTUALLY WORKS! Its down right scary.
“ Yes IT works! I have received a lot of reports that it really works! “
SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE BUREAUCRAT. Not really saying anything that makes sense.
On the way home. I just can’t help but feel that I accomplished something. That I tipped the balance in the universal scales of justice. TOO BAD I WASN’T ABLE TO BASH HER WITH MY TRIPOD BUT YOU KNOW? Like what Spock said, “ I’d like to think that there are possibilities.”
Of course a few days later thru my favorite cell phone repairman, Id discover that HAVING YOUR CELL BLOCKED IS PURE BULLSHIT! THAT IT’S VERY EASY TO HAVE IT UNBLOCKED! JUST TAKE IT TO YOUR LOCAL PHONE MAN AND FOR A PRICE HE’D UNBLOCK IT BY CHANGING THE PHONE’S SERIAL NUMBER VIA A PC UNIT!
I laughed hysterically. Felt Like Charlton Heston at the end of PLANET OF THE APES.
Now whenever I’m in the mall and when I see a girl using a blue 6150, I have this strange urge…to fondle my tripod
Friday, September 20, 2002
BERMUDA TRIANGLE OF CELL PHONES PART I
Two weeks ago my cell phone was stolen in Comic quest, Mega mall branch. With the amount of cells disappearing there it has become the BERMUDA TRIANGLE OF CELL PHONES. You go in with your cell in your hand and then there’s a white cloud that surrounds you while the lost transmissions of the men from flight 19 echoes in your head. White flash! Then your cell is gone. I guess its partly my fault for placing it on the counter (Shouldn’t be too greedy and put the entire blame on the snatcher) But then again I never thought that anyone would be interested in a badly beaten up 6150. When I shop in Muslims stalls I just leave it on the counter and they even hand it back to me. (Goes to show that the Muslims are more straightforward then their Christian counterparts.)
Even the shop owner Vinnie was not spared such a vicious attack. His cell was swiped by a young female customer,months ago. Actually the best part about my cell vanshing from sight was watching the multiple reactions of the people around me! They had this look, which can only be described as “ Ummm gee we’re really sorry but the only thing that we retrieved from the wreckage was the left toe. And consider yourself lucky .You should see the BLACK BOX.” Made a mental note to never be around these people in moments of disaster. Better cultivate the acquaintance of a priest.
I was really upset and I muttered something that this was the first time something of mine got stolen. But Vinnie reminded me that someone in the shop also stole 3,000 pesos worth of THE SEXMEN COMIC BOOKS so I shouldn’t feel too bad. Oh yeah right! I forgot. NOW I FELL ABSOLUTELY PEACHY!
At least Dave Endrigan was there. Great guy. He told me that He’d help me hunt down the culprit in every nook and cranny. Hell I knew that it was impossible to catch the BITCH! (Yes the thief was a 13-year-old girl. Be careful they travel in packs.) The thought of catching her and throwing her in the police station to be later raped by a gang of fat cops sent Goosebumps thru me, OHHH YEAH!!!!
While walking around I borrowed Dave’s cell phone and started texing mine,
" YOU FUCKING CHEAP SLUT. BETTER RETURN MY PHONE. YOU DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE DEALING WITH HERE. IM AN EX-CIA OPERATIVE AND I INSTALLED A SATELLITE TRACKING DEVICE. I KNOW WHERE YOU
ARE AT THIS VERY MOMENT. IM JUST TOO LAZY TO PURSUE. BEEN WALKING ALL DAY. ANYWAY BRING BACK MY CELL AND WE CAN FORGET THE WHOLE THING!"
No reply.
Tried another message.
“RETURN THE CELL AND I’LL GIVE YOU A THOUSAND PESOS FOR YOUR PRODIGIOUS TALENTS. WE HAVE NEED OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN THE AGENCY? WE PAY IN DOLLARS. STILL CONVERTIBLE TO PESOS".
Still no reply.
Ok then. Kid’s gloves are off.
" YOU FUCKING WHORE! BRING BACK MY CELL PHONE OR I PROMISED TO WIPE OUT YOUR ENTIRE GENE LINE. I’LL HAVE YOU DEAD! YOUR FATHER DEAD! YOUR MOTHER! YOU’RE DOG! YOU’RE STUPID SCHOOLTEACHER! I HOPE YOU MARRY AN IMPREMATURE EJACULATOR WHO COMES ON YOUR FACE EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!!!"
Still no reply.
Dave mentions that she probably doesn’t even understand English. Try bad mouthing her in tagalog.
I told him that tagalog cussing is so uncouth! Id rather curse her in English. Besides my tagalog cussing vocabulary is limited to a few words. Mostly refers to the female genetalia and something about the smell of her ass.
We continued our search for the thief.
I remember her face. Full of grease and pimples. You know the kind. Frizzy hair. Too cheap to even have it bonded. Or maybe my cell phone would pay for the bonding. That would be great. I’ll spy her over the parlor and haul her sweaty butt thru that newly bonded hair and into the lusty hands of the cops!!!
2 hours later. We gave up. Well I knew that the endeavor was doomed from the start but it was a great way of using up all that excess energy one suddenly acquires when he realizes that his cell phone was stolen.
Went to the security officers of the mall and asked them to seal off the area. So we can conduct a bag-to-bag search. The officer said that it was impossible. He asked me if I realized how many people there were. I told him, no I didn’t. Because I came from a town where malls are unheard of and where people don’t get things that aren’t theirs.
He asked me to just look on some mug shots. I told him that I was searching for a thief and not talent scouting! Gave him a rise!
GOOD! STUPID BASTARD SHOULDN’T EVEN BE COMMANDING THE LOURVE!
He said that the best he can do is call me when they apprehend someone. I told him to call me on Valentines Day too because I get awfully lonely.
Dave was laughing hard. I told him to shut up. Our game is too intimidate the idiot into doing something. Dave tells me that officer doesn’t even seem to understand sarcasm.
Good Point!
So I went home, cell-less. I felt abused by a 13-year-old girl. The officer gave me one important information. That I can have the cell blocked! If I only knew that serial number and A POLICE REPORT to prove that it was STOLEN!
On the way home the driver told me that I should just let it be. Let the almighty take care of her.HMMP! With all respect to the almighty I’d rather have the satisfaction of punishing her myself! EARTHBOUND STYLE!
When I got home I prepared all the papers that I would need and tried to relax over the weekend.
I couldn’t. The image of my 6150 kept flying overhead while I slept. Crying out,
"WHY DID YOU LET THAT STINKY 13 YEAR OLD GRAB ME FROM BEHIND?
DIDN’T I SERVE YOU WELL? I WAS A GIFT . IS THIS THE WAY YOU TREAT GIFTS? JUST BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T SHELL OUT ANY MONEY YOU TREAT IT AS SUCH? WHY? WHY? WHY? “
I woke up screaming, " I SHALL AVENGE YOU!!!!! “
Looked around. It was Sunday afternoon.
“‘ I SHALL AVENGE YOU.. I SWEAR IT! “
Took my Black STEALTH FIGHTER to a nearby precinct. Declared myself to the duty officer as a person whose cell was wrongfully taken from him.
The Policeman scratched his stomach and handed me a pen and threw a dilapidated notebook in front of me, “ Write the incident there.” He was naked from above the waist
Took the greasy pen and told him that it happened in MEGA MALL.
Burps once and informs me that I should go to the precinct there. It’s not part of his jurisdiction.
Just then a stray goat comes inside and looks at me. Was expecting a punch line to come out of its mouth. But since its evident that this is not my weekend. He just bleated. Took my helmet and saluted the goat. At least I know who’s in charge of that precinct.
Went to the police station near MEGA. Slapped my forehead for forgetting to bring grass for the duty officer. But was shocked to find a fully dressed and functioning policemen.
Not only that, the desk officer motioned me to sit down and narrate what happened while he took down my sob story with a typewriter. No greasy pens there! A far cry from GOAT CITY.
He even has polished shoes. Anyway He told me that the chance of recovering the cell phone is really nil. I said that I’m not hoping to get it back. I JUST WANT THE BASTARD WHO STOLE IT! AND IF I CAN’T HAVE MY CELL THEN NO ONE CAN USE IT! IM HAVING IT BLOCKED! I just need the copy of the police report so I can go to the TELECOM center and have it neutralized for ALL TIME!
He nods and asks if they apprehend a girl fitting my description, what would I like to do?
“ PUNCH HER SILLY, TILL ALL THE PIMPLES FROM HER GREASY FACE HAVE BEEN FLATTENED!”
He nods and tells me that it’s good. He then shares his deepest regrets about being a policeman. How they apprehend criminals and then the victims don’t have time to press charges. Like the time they caught a snatcher by the highway. The woman whose bag was snatched didn’t even go to the precinct because she was late for an appointment and they had to let the snatcher go and chances are he’d do it again.
I said, “AW NOT THIS COSTUMER! I WANT VENGEANCE AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!!”
Policeman smiles and tells me that it does his heart good to see a law-abiding citizen wanting to exact his pound of flesh. He briefs me that when they do catch a female snatcher, they’d call me up. And I can come over and identify her. If she’s the one then
I’d give a signal and one of the policeman would stumble and I can then rush in and give her a blow or two or as many as I can get in before they “ restrain me”
I said why do we have to go thru this MICKEY MOUSE BULLSHIT?
Policeman says, “ We can’t just let you punch her. We get a lot of negative critiscms
when the people see on TV how the suspects are kicked by their victims. If it happened to them they’d do exactly what the victims do.”
DAMN STRAIGHT!
After finishing the report he then tells me to relax and he’d just go and Xerox the thing so I can take it with me to the TELECOM building. He takes leave of his commanding officer and walks out.
NOW THERE GOES A REAL COP! Not a hillbilly with a Billy goat! A REAL COP
TO BE CONTINUED
Two weeks ago my cell phone was stolen in Comic quest, Mega mall branch. With the amount of cells disappearing there it has become the BERMUDA TRIANGLE OF CELL PHONES. You go in with your cell in your hand and then there’s a white cloud that surrounds you while the lost transmissions of the men from flight 19 echoes in your head. White flash! Then your cell is gone. I guess its partly my fault for placing it on the counter (Shouldn’t be too greedy and put the entire blame on the snatcher) But then again I never thought that anyone would be interested in a badly beaten up 6150. When I shop in Muslims stalls I just leave it on the counter and they even hand it back to me. (Goes to show that the Muslims are more straightforward then their Christian counterparts.)
Even the shop owner Vinnie was not spared such a vicious attack. His cell was swiped by a young female customer,months ago. Actually the best part about my cell vanshing from sight was watching the multiple reactions of the people around me! They had this look, which can only be described as “ Ummm gee we’re really sorry but the only thing that we retrieved from the wreckage was the left toe. And consider yourself lucky .You should see the BLACK BOX.” Made a mental note to never be around these people in moments of disaster. Better cultivate the acquaintance of a priest.
I was really upset and I muttered something that this was the first time something of mine got stolen. But Vinnie reminded me that someone in the shop also stole 3,000 pesos worth of THE SEXMEN COMIC BOOKS so I shouldn’t feel too bad. Oh yeah right! I forgot. NOW I FELL ABSOLUTELY PEACHY!
At least Dave Endrigan was there. Great guy. He told me that He’d help me hunt down the culprit in every nook and cranny. Hell I knew that it was impossible to catch the BITCH! (Yes the thief was a 13-year-old girl. Be careful they travel in packs.) The thought of catching her and throwing her in the police station to be later raped by a gang of fat cops sent Goosebumps thru me, OHHH YEAH!!!!
While walking around I borrowed Dave’s cell phone and started texing mine,
" YOU FUCKING CHEAP SLUT. BETTER RETURN MY PHONE. YOU DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE DEALING WITH HERE. IM AN EX-CIA OPERATIVE AND I INSTALLED A SATELLITE TRACKING DEVICE. I KNOW WHERE YOU
ARE AT THIS VERY MOMENT. IM JUST TOO LAZY TO PURSUE. BEEN WALKING ALL DAY. ANYWAY BRING BACK MY CELL AND WE CAN FORGET THE WHOLE THING!"
No reply.
Tried another message.
“RETURN THE CELL AND I’LL GIVE YOU A THOUSAND PESOS FOR YOUR PRODIGIOUS TALENTS. WE HAVE NEED OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN THE AGENCY? WE PAY IN DOLLARS. STILL CONVERTIBLE TO PESOS".
Still no reply.
Ok then. Kid’s gloves are off.
" YOU FUCKING WHORE! BRING BACK MY CELL PHONE OR I PROMISED TO WIPE OUT YOUR ENTIRE GENE LINE. I’LL HAVE YOU DEAD! YOUR FATHER DEAD! YOUR MOTHER! YOU’RE DOG! YOU’RE STUPID SCHOOLTEACHER! I HOPE YOU MARRY AN IMPREMATURE EJACULATOR WHO COMES ON YOUR FACE EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!!!"
Still no reply.
Dave mentions that she probably doesn’t even understand English. Try bad mouthing her in tagalog.
I told him that tagalog cussing is so uncouth! Id rather curse her in English. Besides my tagalog cussing vocabulary is limited to a few words. Mostly refers to the female genetalia and something about the smell of her ass.
We continued our search for the thief.
I remember her face. Full of grease and pimples. You know the kind. Frizzy hair. Too cheap to even have it bonded. Or maybe my cell phone would pay for the bonding. That would be great. I’ll spy her over the parlor and haul her sweaty butt thru that newly bonded hair and into the lusty hands of the cops!!!
2 hours later. We gave up. Well I knew that the endeavor was doomed from the start but it was a great way of using up all that excess energy one suddenly acquires when he realizes that his cell phone was stolen.
Went to the security officers of the mall and asked them to seal off the area. So we can conduct a bag-to-bag search. The officer said that it was impossible. He asked me if I realized how many people there were. I told him, no I didn’t. Because I came from a town where malls are unheard of and where people don’t get things that aren’t theirs.
He asked me to just look on some mug shots. I told him that I was searching for a thief and not talent scouting! Gave him a rise!
GOOD! STUPID BASTARD SHOULDN’T EVEN BE COMMANDING THE LOURVE!
He said that the best he can do is call me when they apprehend someone. I told him to call me on Valentines Day too because I get awfully lonely.
Dave was laughing hard. I told him to shut up. Our game is too intimidate the idiot into doing something. Dave tells me that officer doesn’t even seem to understand sarcasm.
Good Point!
So I went home, cell-less. I felt abused by a 13-year-old girl. The officer gave me one important information. That I can have the cell blocked! If I only knew that serial number and A POLICE REPORT to prove that it was STOLEN!
On the way home the driver told me that I should just let it be. Let the almighty take care of her.HMMP! With all respect to the almighty I’d rather have the satisfaction of punishing her myself! EARTHBOUND STYLE!
When I got home I prepared all the papers that I would need and tried to relax over the weekend.
I couldn’t. The image of my 6150 kept flying overhead while I slept. Crying out,
"WHY DID YOU LET THAT STINKY 13 YEAR OLD GRAB ME FROM BEHIND?
DIDN’T I SERVE YOU WELL? I WAS A GIFT . IS THIS THE WAY YOU TREAT GIFTS? JUST BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T SHELL OUT ANY MONEY YOU TREAT IT AS SUCH? WHY? WHY? WHY? “
I woke up screaming, " I SHALL AVENGE YOU!!!!! “
Looked around. It was Sunday afternoon.
“‘ I SHALL AVENGE YOU.. I SWEAR IT! “
Took my Black STEALTH FIGHTER to a nearby precinct. Declared myself to the duty officer as a person whose cell was wrongfully taken from him.
The Policeman scratched his stomach and handed me a pen and threw a dilapidated notebook in front of me, “ Write the incident there.” He was naked from above the waist
Took the greasy pen and told him that it happened in MEGA MALL.
Burps once and informs me that I should go to the precinct there. It’s not part of his jurisdiction.
Just then a stray goat comes inside and looks at me. Was expecting a punch line to come out of its mouth. But since its evident that this is not my weekend. He just bleated. Took my helmet and saluted the goat. At least I know who’s in charge of that precinct.
Went to the police station near MEGA. Slapped my forehead for forgetting to bring grass for the duty officer. But was shocked to find a fully dressed and functioning policemen.
Not only that, the desk officer motioned me to sit down and narrate what happened while he took down my sob story with a typewriter. No greasy pens there! A far cry from GOAT CITY.
He even has polished shoes. Anyway He told me that the chance of recovering the cell phone is really nil. I said that I’m not hoping to get it back. I JUST WANT THE BASTARD WHO STOLE IT! AND IF I CAN’T HAVE MY CELL THEN NO ONE CAN USE IT! IM HAVING IT BLOCKED! I just need the copy of the police report so I can go to the TELECOM center and have it neutralized for ALL TIME!
He nods and asks if they apprehend a girl fitting my description, what would I like to do?
“ PUNCH HER SILLY, TILL ALL THE PIMPLES FROM HER GREASY FACE HAVE BEEN FLATTENED!”
He nods and tells me that it’s good. He then shares his deepest regrets about being a policeman. How they apprehend criminals and then the victims don’t have time to press charges. Like the time they caught a snatcher by the highway. The woman whose bag was snatched didn’t even go to the precinct because she was late for an appointment and they had to let the snatcher go and chances are he’d do it again.
I said, “AW NOT THIS COSTUMER! I WANT VENGEANCE AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!!”
Policeman smiles and tells me that it does his heart good to see a law-abiding citizen wanting to exact his pound of flesh. He briefs me that when they do catch a female snatcher, they’d call me up. And I can come over and identify her. If she’s the one then
I’d give a signal and one of the policeman would stumble and I can then rush in and give her a blow or two or as many as I can get in before they “ restrain me”
I said why do we have to go thru this MICKEY MOUSE BULLSHIT?
Policeman says, “ We can’t just let you punch her. We get a lot of negative critiscms
when the people see on TV how the suspects are kicked by their victims. If it happened to them they’d do exactly what the victims do.”
DAMN STRAIGHT!
After finishing the report he then tells me to relax and he’d just go and Xerox the thing so I can take it with me to the TELECOM building. He takes leave of his commanding officer and walks out.
NOW THERE GOES A REAL COP! Not a hillbilly with a Billy goat! A REAL COP
TO BE CONTINUED
Thursday, September 19, 2002
Gerry can’t shoot today. He has a splitting headache. Sounds like we’re a married couple in bed, late at night. He says it might be because his blood pressure is up. Some action hero! Kept checking up on him since the image of him suffering from a stroke kept creeping in my mind. That’s a filmmaker’s nightmare. Your main actor’s body half paralyzed when you have already shot a lot of footage. Made some mental assessment and thought about possible patch em up scenarios in case that happens. Should I have Gerry insured for a performance-neutralizing stroke?
How much? Enough to pay for a Computer graphic replacement maybe. I mean Lucas is doing it all the time right? I even heard that there’s a forthcoming BRUCE LEE movie. They’d digitize him and scan him into the film. Goes to show the quality of actors we have at this time. Despite the advances in film technology that can erase piano wires and stuff that can make any lame actor look good, they’d still go back to the old dead ones.
So why not just computer animate GERRY if something happens. They can do that on dinosaurs and aliens. GERRY would be a sinch. Use ALIAS SOFTWARE then do a Tex map to simulate the folds and crease’s on Gerry’s stomach. The extra skin folds at the back of Gerry’s neck when he howls in anger. The animators would study the earlier footages of GERRY walking. I mean no one walks like Gerry. That heavy drooping shoulder and that slumping forward gait that passes for locomotion.
Personally I’d go to TIPPET STUDIOS. That animation company of PHIL TIPPET. He did DRAGON SLAYER and JURASSIC PARK. He’s great with character animation.
T-REX’s are a dime a dozen now since the start of the computer revolution. But they don’t have any personalities. They just growl and eat people up but that’s it! No character! But Tippet instills personalities in his creations like his legendary predecessor RAY HARRYHAUSEN. (I LOVE THESE GUYS! THEY’RE MY HEROES! )
So definitely I’d have him animate GERRY. I can be the invaluable resource person on GERRY. I spent a lot of time with him. Well that hardly qualifies someone on being an expert on someone else but I have studied his movements and his mannerisms in a level that is almost frightening. I have to do that, I m directing him. I have watched hundreds of hours of footages featuring him in various poses. Reclining, sitting down, scratching his belly, fidgeting with a pen, the works.I’d be right beside Phil, instructing him that THE GERRY would do this in that way. No He doesn’t flush the john after using he just flips the lid with his foot.
Now I come to the terrible center of this equation. What about Gerry’s squealing voice? Hell, I ‘d do it myself. It’s not too hard. Been practicing anyway, “ Hi Jenny, this is ERIK.”
With state of the art tech I’d make a GERRY that is more GERRY than GERRY. Right down to that VELOCIRAPTOR toe nail.
I’d have a character that won’t complain at TAKE 57. Or give excuses that he has to meet with his girlfriend. Who wont argue with me about the merits of MICHAEL BAY and his style of cinematic bombast! Someone who would just follow what I say when I say “ Ok now jump thru the glass window and right unto the pavement. No I won’t cut! People expect a cut in this type of scenes. I’d follow your fall thru the broken window. WHAT?What airbag? YOU WANT AN AIRBAG? GET THIS PUSSY OUT OF HERE! BRING ME JESTONI ALARCON!”
But then again he’d just be a robot. But then again he’s my robot. Mine. Wouldn’t that be great? Ahh well I can do fantasize can’t I. Seriously I hope he’s ok. But I ‘d better check TIPPET STUDIOS just in case.
How much? Enough to pay for a Computer graphic replacement maybe. I mean Lucas is doing it all the time right? I even heard that there’s a forthcoming BRUCE LEE movie. They’d digitize him and scan him into the film. Goes to show the quality of actors we have at this time. Despite the advances in film technology that can erase piano wires and stuff that can make any lame actor look good, they’d still go back to the old dead ones.
So why not just computer animate GERRY if something happens. They can do that on dinosaurs and aliens. GERRY would be a sinch. Use ALIAS SOFTWARE then do a Tex map to simulate the folds and crease’s on Gerry’s stomach. The extra skin folds at the back of Gerry’s neck when he howls in anger. The animators would study the earlier footages of GERRY walking. I mean no one walks like Gerry. That heavy drooping shoulder and that slumping forward gait that passes for locomotion.
Personally I’d go to TIPPET STUDIOS. That animation company of PHIL TIPPET. He did DRAGON SLAYER and JURASSIC PARK. He’s great with character animation.
T-REX’s are a dime a dozen now since the start of the computer revolution. But they don’t have any personalities. They just growl and eat people up but that’s it! No character! But Tippet instills personalities in his creations like his legendary predecessor RAY HARRYHAUSEN. (I LOVE THESE GUYS! THEY’RE MY HEROES! )
So definitely I’d have him animate GERRY. I can be the invaluable resource person on GERRY. I spent a lot of time with him. Well that hardly qualifies someone on being an expert on someone else but I have studied his movements and his mannerisms in a level that is almost frightening. I have to do that, I m directing him. I have watched hundreds of hours of footages featuring him in various poses. Reclining, sitting down, scratching his belly, fidgeting with a pen, the works.I’d be right beside Phil, instructing him that THE GERRY would do this in that way. No He doesn’t flush the john after using he just flips the lid with his foot.
Now I come to the terrible center of this equation. What about Gerry’s squealing voice? Hell, I ‘d do it myself. It’s not too hard. Been practicing anyway, “ Hi Jenny, this is ERIK.”
With state of the art tech I’d make a GERRY that is more GERRY than GERRY. Right down to that VELOCIRAPTOR toe nail.
I’d have a character that won’t complain at TAKE 57. Or give excuses that he has to meet with his girlfriend. Who wont argue with me about the merits of MICHAEL BAY and his style of cinematic bombast! Someone who would just follow what I say when I say “ Ok now jump thru the glass window and right unto the pavement. No I won’t cut! People expect a cut in this type of scenes. I’d follow your fall thru the broken window. WHAT?What airbag? YOU WANT AN AIRBAG? GET THIS PUSSY OUT OF HERE! BRING ME JESTONI ALARCON!”
But then again he’d just be a robot. But then again he’s my robot. Mine. Wouldn’t that be great? Ahh well I can do fantasize can’t I. Seriously I hope he’s ok. But I ‘d better check TIPPET STUDIOS just in case.
" Noel Lim is taking a lot of takes which really takes a lot out of me. I'm starting to understand why he chose ME for this role, aside from the fact that he can get me for fucking FREE since this is my story and I have some vested interest in it too. I think Noel is doing a movie with an "anti-movie hero hero". Meaning, he's going against the standard belief that movie heroes ought to be tall, good looking and attractive, having voices that is deep, beautiful and well articulated. Good, because I'm NONE of those. He's going against every possible cliche there is about action movies, trying to come up with something new and fresh."
Of course! NAHHHHH ITS BECAUSE YOURE CHEAP!
Of course! NAHHHHH ITS BECAUSE YOURE CHEAP!
Wednesday, September 18, 2002
Bumped into my gay hair- dresser neighbor with the pink hairdo. Bugging me as to when we will shoot. WHEN WE WILL SHOOT? WHEN THE CAMERA IS THERE RIGHT IN YOUR FACE YOU WHINE AND PROTEST ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO DO IT BECAUSE OF SOME HEART ACHE CRAP! BUT NOW THAT IM WALKING UNARMED( WITHOUT THE CAM) HE COMES WADDLING by and PATTING ME IN THE BACK.
Can’t really blame him tho. People react differently when a camera is pointed in their faces. Some immediately shrink into the background and wave their hands around. Others mug incessantly. And there are a few who don’t even move at all. Reminds me of an Aunt I have. Every time we have a party and I’d shoot some video footage, she’d freeze when I aim the lens on her like a deer caught in a headlight. Difference is that the deer doesn’t project her best profile. Seems that she hasn’t gotten over the fact that cameras have evolved from shooting still pictures to moving images! And by force of habit always inclines her face towards the left. And no matter how many times I urge her to move…she.wont.
The concept of shooting documentaries and not interfering with the subject is impossible. The minute you train the viewfinder on someone, immediately interferes with that someone’s life. I can’t think of anyone who can react honestly when they are being shot!
As much as I love THE OSBORN’S I cant help but feel that most of the incidents that happen in their lives are STAGED! If it ‘s not then their reactions are.
Reality TV is a trend that is fast becoming old. Last night I heard even LIZA MINELLI is going to do one. The things they put on the tube because of too much airtime.
Bong Revilla was on TV blaming the video pirates for the current state of the Filipino Film industry. Typical ! Blame everyone but yourself. The industry is dead because their movies are bad. No, down right terrible. He says that they used to make 300 films a year now they would be lucky enough to come out with 50. So that means 250 less, bad movies.
They can’t seem to accept the fact that the Filipino movie audience has finally grown up and has developed some short of taste. That the audience can’t stomach the tacky and corny and utterly predictable movie plots the local film companies dish out.
Many think that what we need are a few good directors and scriptwriters and creative producers to change the face of the film world.
Who do you think LINO BROKA was? Or what about MANUEL CONDE who made Genghis Khan. It won the Venice film festival sometime during the 50s and 60s.It was so good that OMAR SHARIFF did his version with a multi -million dollar producttion. Ironically it didnt match the movie that Conde did for peanuts.
And what about Gerry De Leon who I personally think ranks up there with AKIRA KUROSAWA and ORSON WELLES in the filmmaking pantheon. These guys were world-class giants and did they make a dent? ABSOLUTELY NOT!
It doesn’t take one man! It doesn’t take one film to change the industry. We need an entire army and legion strength number of directors and writers and producers to make a positive change. Well the French new wave was able to do it.
Bong Revilla is doing his job with such a high profile visibility rate that it stinks like “ something is fishy in DENMARK “ He wants to show the voting public that he excels in his job as VRB chairman. Posing before shattered fragments of DVDs and vcds or sitting on the tractor before it does its grisly deed. Maybe He’ll use this as a platform for his senatorial aspirations! How typically transparent! I wont vote another vegetable for public office. I mean the government is a virtual green house by now!!!
Now he’s talking about how he wants the film industry to thrive because his entire family works in it. That he wants his children’s children to work in it. See that’s the real problem. They think that it’s a hereditary title that should be passed on, generation to generation like some divine gift to their bloodline. “ Hey I’m an actor. SO My children should be actors. I don’t care if they can’t act even if their life depended on it. I can’t act and my films grossed millions. My father can’t act either and look where he is now ." so.there!”
The film industry is composed of small families who inter marry within to keep the family fortune away from foreign or outsider hands. So its no wonder that they come up with stories that only a Mongoloid could follow and love.
Trace the pedigree of one actor. He’s the son of a matinee actor and a has been actress. The actress is the daughter of a director who married his actress who was the illegitimate daughter of a movie star who sired almost fifteen percent of the industry workers to this day.
And why on earth would Bong Revilla think that people buy pirated Filipino movies? I mean they’re bad enough in the movie house why take them home? I wont sleep well at nights knowing a local film is amongst my DVD collection. Who knows what vile disease it carries. Maybe when I wake up, Id discover that it infected my KUROSAWA titles or my independent film collection.
I have nothing against local movies. As long as they're good.I mentioned earlier the names of Filipino directors who made great films> Now those movies I'd put in a place of honor in my collection. BUT IS THERE A DVD COPY OF THEIR FILMS? NO! WHAT FILIPINO DVDS ARE AVAILABLE? GO FIGURE!
Have you bought a local Filipino DVD? It stinks! I don’t know when Revilla would actually grow something in between his ears and realize that no one buys his stupid local films and leave us be to pursue our guilty pleasures!
One funny fact. While airing that interview with Bong revilla about piracy. The show used the soundtrack of the TOMB RAIDER game for its background music for some news bytes. ISN’T THAT A FORM OF PIRACY? I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT THEY ACQUIRED THE PERMISSION OF EIDOS TO USE IT!
I think Revilla should do better trying to bust up the drug problem instead of piracy. I mean what would you prefer the hoodlum sitting in his small room watching the pirated copy of Unbreakable and laughing silly or out in the streets with a fan knife in his hand and you in his sights!
Can’t really blame him tho. People react differently when a camera is pointed in their faces. Some immediately shrink into the background and wave their hands around. Others mug incessantly. And there are a few who don’t even move at all. Reminds me of an Aunt I have. Every time we have a party and I’d shoot some video footage, she’d freeze when I aim the lens on her like a deer caught in a headlight. Difference is that the deer doesn’t project her best profile. Seems that she hasn’t gotten over the fact that cameras have evolved from shooting still pictures to moving images! And by force of habit always inclines her face towards the left. And no matter how many times I urge her to move…she.wont.
The concept of shooting documentaries and not interfering with the subject is impossible. The minute you train the viewfinder on someone, immediately interferes with that someone’s life. I can’t think of anyone who can react honestly when they are being shot!
As much as I love THE OSBORN’S I cant help but feel that most of the incidents that happen in their lives are STAGED! If it ‘s not then their reactions are.
Reality TV is a trend that is fast becoming old. Last night I heard even LIZA MINELLI is going to do one. The things they put on the tube because of too much airtime.
Bong Revilla was on TV blaming the video pirates for the current state of the Filipino Film industry. Typical ! Blame everyone but yourself. The industry is dead because their movies are bad. No, down right terrible. He says that they used to make 300 films a year now they would be lucky enough to come out with 50. So that means 250 less, bad movies.
They can’t seem to accept the fact that the Filipino movie audience has finally grown up and has developed some short of taste. That the audience can’t stomach the tacky and corny and utterly predictable movie plots the local film companies dish out.
Many think that what we need are a few good directors and scriptwriters and creative producers to change the face of the film world.
Who do you think LINO BROKA was? Or what about MANUEL CONDE who made Genghis Khan. It won the Venice film festival sometime during the 50s and 60s.It was so good that OMAR SHARIFF did his version with a multi -million dollar producttion. Ironically it didnt match the movie that Conde did for peanuts.
And what about Gerry De Leon who I personally think ranks up there with AKIRA KUROSAWA and ORSON WELLES in the filmmaking pantheon. These guys were world-class giants and did they make a dent? ABSOLUTELY NOT!
It doesn’t take one man! It doesn’t take one film to change the industry. We need an entire army and legion strength number of directors and writers and producers to make a positive change. Well the French new wave was able to do it.
Bong Revilla is doing his job with such a high profile visibility rate that it stinks like “ something is fishy in DENMARK “ He wants to show the voting public that he excels in his job as VRB chairman. Posing before shattered fragments of DVDs and vcds or sitting on the tractor before it does its grisly deed. Maybe He’ll use this as a platform for his senatorial aspirations! How typically transparent! I wont vote another vegetable for public office. I mean the government is a virtual green house by now!!!
Now he’s talking about how he wants the film industry to thrive because his entire family works in it. That he wants his children’s children to work in it. See that’s the real problem. They think that it’s a hereditary title that should be passed on, generation to generation like some divine gift to their bloodline. “ Hey I’m an actor. SO My children should be actors. I don’t care if they can’t act even if their life depended on it. I can’t act and my films grossed millions. My father can’t act either and look where he is now ." so.there!”
The film industry is composed of small families who inter marry within to keep the family fortune away from foreign or outsider hands. So its no wonder that they come up with stories that only a Mongoloid could follow and love.
Trace the pedigree of one actor. He’s the son of a matinee actor and a has been actress. The actress is the daughter of a director who married his actress who was the illegitimate daughter of a movie star who sired almost fifteen percent of the industry workers to this day.
And why on earth would Bong Revilla think that people buy pirated Filipino movies? I mean they’re bad enough in the movie house why take them home? I wont sleep well at nights knowing a local film is amongst my DVD collection. Who knows what vile disease it carries. Maybe when I wake up, Id discover that it infected my KUROSAWA titles or my independent film collection.
I have nothing against local movies. As long as they're good.I mentioned earlier the names of Filipino directors who made great films> Now those movies I'd put in a place of honor in my collection. BUT IS THERE A DVD COPY OF THEIR FILMS? NO! WHAT FILIPINO DVDS ARE AVAILABLE? GO FIGURE!
Have you bought a local Filipino DVD? It stinks! I don’t know when Revilla would actually grow something in between his ears and realize that no one buys his stupid local films and leave us be to pursue our guilty pleasures!
One funny fact. While airing that interview with Bong revilla about piracy. The show used the soundtrack of the TOMB RAIDER game for its background music for some news bytes. ISN’T THAT A FORM OF PIRACY? I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT THEY ACQUIRED THE PERMISSION OF EIDOS TO USE IT!
I think Revilla should do better trying to bust up the drug problem instead of piracy. I mean what would you prefer the hoodlum sitting in his small room watching the pirated copy of Unbreakable and laughing silly or out in the streets with a fan knife in his hand and you in his sights!
Sunday, September 15, 2002
DAY 3
ROTTEN DAY YESTERDAY
Was supposed to shoot the gay massacre scene. The actoresses weren’t able to make it because of some last minute personal problem. So I went down to the beauty parlor shop that’s located a few feet away from the unit and recruited the two resident hairdressers. One had neon pink hair and the other was a platinum blonde. (This film should be shot in TECHNISCOPE). They said the usual reply, which should win a BANAL AWARD. “
I hope to be discovered so I can be the first serious gay actor! “ Had to force a fake smile and accompany that with the cursory nod of the head. (Remind myself to kick me in the butt LATER!!!) . So everything ok right? ‘ WONG!!!!! (Anuld accent!!!) They tell me that they have a window of availability for 40 minutes, tops!!!! Before the 1st customer comes in. So I rushed to grab the tripod and the cam and then contact my actor.
Actor comes in, looking gruff and puffed!! Fresh from internalizing inside the jeep or just plain overweight, who knows. What counts is that he looks perfect for the scene. So we rush down and plant ourselves inside the beauty parlor. The hairdressers were sitting there and there seems to be a minor squabble or whatever they do. Then after waiting for about twenty minutes the PLATINUM BLONDE comes over and tells us to shoot later in the afternoon like one.
They can’t shoot because they have something. I ask him, “ Is this a gay thing? “
He nods and says something like that. Turns out someone stole someone’s boyfriend or something and he or she just can’t have that kind of thing in a place where they were working together.
Told him that much as I find this intriguing, I have a film to shoot and we are way off sched. So I told him that I can’t wait for them and rush out with the actor and we just stood outside the streets for a moment.
The temptation to call off the shoot was very high. The actor was panting and breathing heavily. Maybe it was that sound that catapulted my brain for maximum overdrive, who really knows. I then told him that we’d just shoot the telephone-bashing scene.
Forget about the idiot who was good at playing dead or dying victims! If we wait around for him. EPISODE 3 would be rushing past us. Just shoot the phone booth scene and I’ll find a snatcher!
I grabbed the first guy I bumped into. THE SON IN LAW OF THE CONDO’S GUARD. He was busy cooking in the garage. I asked him if he could act as a snatcher. All he has to do is to slash the bag of the actor and get his face rammed into the phone booth. He smiles and guffaws a lot and says “ Sure! “
Small problem. We need a slashing implement and since this wasn’t scheduled to go we had to improvise one on the spot.
Went back to the house and Actor started fashioning a make shift knife which looks very accurate for a third world criminal While creating the prop he tells me that the guy looks too innocent and sweet. I told him that it would make the scene more poignant. The guy can say when caught that he really didn’t like what he was doing but he had to feed the family. Actor shakes his head indignantly and says that the guy shouldn’t have any lines. Hmmm maybe actor is becoming a PRIMA DONNA and does not want to risk being upstaged by anyone. Before we can argue it any further the nice looking guy backs out again and tells us that he really can’t act.
My energy level was a bit low at the time and I didn’t want to convince him to do so. Actually if I felt like it I could have swayed him into doing it but… SO we stood there again in our favorite spot and then looked at the prop that the actor just finished. DAMN! Im not going to let my shot be ruined by a bunch of gay flakes and a non descript cook. So I then shouted amongst the pedicab drivers hanging out in the corner, "WHO WOULD BE WILLING TO ACT IN MY FILM ? " . Gerry whisphered that we should pay him 20 pesos! "AND WOULD BE PAID 20 PESOS! " Surprisingly one came running forward. He said he would act. And the guy looked the part. Has a passing resemblance to a hybrid of JOE PESCI AND A GREMLIN. Nice eyebrows and a slimey smile.
Great!!! So we haul the equipment to the telephone booth and started directing the PEDICAB DRIVER. Everything was looking good except for one more drawback. The guy can’t act evil. Despite his appearance he was a really nice guy. And every time I blocked the scene, the guy just breaks out smiling.
Given the time, I could have worked on him more and made him convincing because I believed that anyone can act! ANYONE! But there was no time for a workshop, the location was suddenly crammed by a lot of bystanders. The words, ‘ SHOOTING! MAY SHOOTING! “Spread like wildfire. Never mind the fact that there were only two guys and a third guy holding a big camera ,everyone still rushed in to watch. The jeepneys stopped and there was traffic clog that you wouldn’t believe.
IT would just be a matter of time before the cops come rushing in, demanding lunch money. I have to shoot this fast. I told the guy if he has sunglasses, to wear them. Actor tells me that it doesn’t seem practical like that. I said,“ Heard and noted! Where are the sunglasses? “ The problem with the Pedicab driver was when he smiled his eyes would take on this gentle and playful look that just doesn’t go well with the scene.
SO JUST OBSTRUCT THE DAMN THING!
The pedicab driver then whips out these pair of predator like visors.
That’s cool. Even Gerry says it looks great. RIGHT, LETS SHOOT!
The shots were difficult to frame because of the amount of people in the background. Being a very low low budget flick we have no crowd control but I thought for a second why hide the fact there were people watching. I mean when there’s a fight out in the streets, people flock to watch right? So I told the crowd to look at Gerry and the Pedicab driver and not look at the camera. DON’T LOOK AT THE CAMERA!
And what do you know. They didn’t! Well…most of them anyway. Did 20 takes of the confrontation scene. Gerry looked totally..Pardon the pun, WASTED! Every time I would ask for another take he gives me this look like I have an anal intruder and wanted another run. But it would disappear as quickly and he’d do the scene.
THEN THERE WAS BASH THE SNATCHER’S FACE INTO THE BOOTH SCENE.
After numerous takes it still didn’t look right. The pedicab driver’s head didn’t look like it was making contact with the booth. So I told him to give his head an extra snap back at a certain cue. He tried his best and after seven takes I had to stop. He looked like his brain got addled a little. I called for a break and studied the booth. My shooting style for this movie was to make it as natural as possible. No fast dolly shots and trendy MTVISH hand held camera stuff. And not the other techniques that I call THE FLIMFLAMS TRIMMINGS! But the murder scene just didn’t look violent enough. Add the fact that we didn’t have any fake blood lying around. As I stated earlier this was a last minute insert shoot. So I said well… go back to the trademark tricks that you used before. If it worked then, maybe it would work now. So I removed my lens attachment and locked the cam on the tripod. I told Gerry to bash the guy’s head in as hard as he can without making contact. I told him to face the cam while doing it.
I did take after take after take. Couldn’t remember how much. The pedicab driver was a real trooper. Showed them the shots on the monitor. Gerry said that he looked like he was playing ping pong.” Exactly. Told the cabdriver that he was finished for the day. Gerry slipped him two hundred bucks. Seems that he enjoyed playing ping-pong with the guy’s head. Told the cab driver to make himself available for the next few days for pick up shots and he agreed!
Made a mental note to drench the phone with dried blood and some brain bits and stuff for the insert shot. This is going to be a STEALTH SHOT.
We stood inside the video rental shop which we acquisitioned to be our make shift command center. Thanks to the nice guard and very supportive cashier. Gerry says something like it’s good we didn’t post poned the shoot just because the two batches of gay actors and the non-descript cook backed out in the last moment. That we had to keep on shooting no matter what. BUT OF COURSE! That’s the reason we did this independent style! There are many drawbacks like no one does crowd control or a battery of production assistants to aide you or as many explosive squibs as you would like. But independence grants you, freedom to shape the film the way you like it to be. The freedom to cast whomever you want and most importantly the right to have FINAL CUT!
I told him to watch the footages. But he tells me that he needs to help someone do some stuff. Shorthand for I NEED TO GET SOMRE R & R Far be it for me to stand between a man and his R! . The guy earned it. I’ll give him the rest of the week off. That’s the least I can do. If he only knows what’s in store for him the next couple of shooting days.
ROTTEN DAY YESTERDAY
Was supposed to shoot the gay massacre scene. The actoresses weren’t able to make it because of some last minute personal problem. So I went down to the beauty parlor shop that’s located a few feet away from the unit and recruited the two resident hairdressers. One had neon pink hair and the other was a platinum blonde. (This film should be shot in TECHNISCOPE). They said the usual reply, which should win a BANAL AWARD. “
I hope to be discovered so I can be the first serious gay actor! “ Had to force a fake smile and accompany that with the cursory nod of the head. (Remind myself to kick me in the butt LATER!!!) . So everything ok right? ‘ WONG!!!!! (Anuld accent!!!) They tell me that they have a window of availability for 40 minutes, tops!!!! Before the 1st customer comes in. So I rushed to grab the tripod and the cam and then contact my actor.
Actor comes in, looking gruff and puffed!! Fresh from internalizing inside the jeep or just plain overweight, who knows. What counts is that he looks perfect for the scene. So we rush down and plant ourselves inside the beauty parlor. The hairdressers were sitting there and there seems to be a minor squabble or whatever they do. Then after waiting for about twenty minutes the PLATINUM BLONDE comes over and tells us to shoot later in the afternoon like one.
They can’t shoot because they have something. I ask him, “ Is this a gay thing? “
He nods and says something like that. Turns out someone stole someone’s boyfriend or something and he or she just can’t have that kind of thing in a place where they were working together.
Told him that much as I find this intriguing, I have a film to shoot and we are way off sched. So I told him that I can’t wait for them and rush out with the actor and we just stood outside the streets for a moment.
The temptation to call off the shoot was very high. The actor was panting and breathing heavily. Maybe it was that sound that catapulted my brain for maximum overdrive, who really knows. I then told him that we’d just shoot the telephone-bashing scene.
Forget about the idiot who was good at playing dead or dying victims! If we wait around for him. EPISODE 3 would be rushing past us. Just shoot the phone booth scene and I’ll find a snatcher!
I grabbed the first guy I bumped into. THE SON IN LAW OF THE CONDO’S GUARD. He was busy cooking in the garage. I asked him if he could act as a snatcher. All he has to do is to slash the bag of the actor and get his face rammed into the phone booth. He smiles and guffaws a lot and says “ Sure! “
Small problem. We need a slashing implement and since this wasn’t scheduled to go we had to improvise one on the spot.
Went back to the house and Actor started fashioning a make shift knife which looks very accurate for a third world criminal While creating the prop he tells me that the guy looks too innocent and sweet. I told him that it would make the scene more poignant. The guy can say when caught that he really didn’t like what he was doing but he had to feed the family. Actor shakes his head indignantly and says that the guy shouldn’t have any lines. Hmmm maybe actor is becoming a PRIMA DONNA and does not want to risk being upstaged by anyone. Before we can argue it any further the nice looking guy backs out again and tells us that he really can’t act.
My energy level was a bit low at the time and I didn’t want to convince him to do so. Actually if I felt like it I could have swayed him into doing it but… SO we stood there again in our favorite spot and then looked at the prop that the actor just finished. DAMN! Im not going to let my shot be ruined by a bunch of gay flakes and a non descript cook. So I then shouted amongst the pedicab drivers hanging out in the corner, "WHO WOULD BE WILLING TO ACT IN MY FILM ? " . Gerry whisphered that we should pay him 20 pesos! "AND WOULD BE PAID 20 PESOS! " Surprisingly one came running forward. He said he would act. And the guy looked the part. Has a passing resemblance to a hybrid of JOE PESCI AND A GREMLIN. Nice eyebrows and a slimey smile.
Great!!! So we haul the equipment to the telephone booth and started directing the PEDICAB DRIVER. Everything was looking good except for one more drawback. The guy can’t act evil. Despite his appearance he was a really nice guy. And every time I blocked the scene, the guy just breaks out smiling.
Given the time, I could have worked on him more and made him convincing because I believed that anyone can act! ANYONE! But there was no time for a workshop, the location was suddenly crammed by a lot of bystanders. The words, ‘ SHOOTING! MAY SHOOTING! “Spread like wildfire. Never mind the fact that there were only two guys and a third guy holding a big camera ,everyone still rushed in to watch. The jeepneys stopped and there was traffic clog that you wouldn’t believe.
IT would just be a matter of time before the cops come rushing in, demanding lunch money. I have to shoot this fast. I told the guy if he has sunglasses, to wear them. Actor tells me that it doesn’t seem practical like that. I said,“ Heard and noted! Where are the sunglasses? “ The problem with the Pedicab driver was when he smiled his eyes would take on this gentle and playful look that just doesn’t go well with the scene.
SO JUST OBSTRUCT THE DAMN THING!
The pedicab driver then whips out these pair of predator like visors.
That’s cool. Even Gerry says it looks great. RIGHT, LETS SHOOT!
The shots were difficult to frame because of the amount of people in the background. Being a very low low budget flick we have no crowd control but I thought for a second why hide the fact there were people watching. I mean when there’s a fight out in the streets, people flock to watch right? So I told the crowd to look at Gerry and the Pedicab driver and not look at the camera. DON’T LOOK AT THE CAMERA!
And what do you know. They didn’t! Well…most of them anyway. Did 20 takes of the confrontation scene. Gerry looked totally..Pardon the pun, WASTED! Every time I would ask for another take he gives me this look like I have an anal intruder and wanted another run. But it would disappear as quickly and he’d do the scene.
THEN THERE WAS BASH THE SNATCHER’S FACE INTO THE BOOTH SCENE.
After numerous takes it still didn’t look right. The pedicab driver’s head didn’t look like it was making contact with the booth. So I told him to give his head an extra snap back at a certain cue. He tried his best and after seven takes I had to stop. He looked like his brain got addled a little. I called for a break and studied the booth. My shooting style for this movie was to make it as natural as possible. No fast dolly shots and trendy MTVISH hand held camera stuff. And not the other techniques that I call THE FLIMFLAMS TRIMMINGS! But the murder scene just didn’t look violent enough. Add the fact that we didn’t have any fake blood lying around. As I stated earlier this was a last minute insert shoot. So I said well… go back to the trademark tricks that you used before. If it worked then, maybe it would work now. So I removed my lens attachment and locked the cam on the tripod. I told Gerry to bash the guy’s head in as hard as he can without making contact. I told him to face the cam while doing it.
I did take after take after take. Couldn’t remember how much. The pedicab driver was a real trooper. Showed them the shots on the monitor. Gerry said that he looked like he was playing ping pong.” Exactly. Told the cabdriver that he was finished for the day. Gerry slipped him two hundred bucks. Seems that he enjoyed playing ping-pong with the guy’s head. Told the cab driver to make himself available for the next few days for pick up shots and he agreed!
Made a mental note to drench the phone with dried blood and some brain bits and stuff for the insert shot. This is going to be a STEALTH SHOT.
We stood inside the video rental shop which we acquisitioned to be our make shift command center. Thanks to the nice guard and very supportive cashier. Gerry says something like it’s good we didn’t post poned the shoot just because the two batches of gay actors and the non-descript cook backed out in the last moment. That we had to keep on shooting no matter what. BUT OF COURSE! That’s the reason we did this independent style! There are many drawbacks like no one does crowd control or a battery of production assistants to aide you or as many explosive squibs as you would like. But independence grants you, freedom to shape the film the way you like it to be. The freedom to cast whomever you want and most importantly the right to have FINAL CUT!
I told him to watch the footages. But he tells me that he needs to help someone do some stuff. Shorthand for I NEED TO GET SOMRE R & R Far be it for me to stand between a man and his R! . The guy earned it. I’ll give him the rest of the week off. That’s the least I can do. If he only knows what’s in store for him the next couple of shooting days.
Friday, September 13, 2002
It’s been six hours since I last stood up from this stupid chair. Had to view the rushes of
KUPAL and to mentally figure out how the entire film would be edited. This is a fun pet project. Had this idea for a long time. Giles, the actor playing the lead actually was shocked at how yellow and old the storyboard pages were. Shooting it was a romp. He basically did everything I told him to do. No complaints..no nothing. In three shooting days we were able to cover half the script. Never exceeding 15 takes. He has a striking resemblance to Christopher reeves. Maybe its his super hero jaw line and the black brimmed spectacles. Hmmmmmm maybe I can do a pinoy super hero flick.
Sheez. I didn’t even sleep last night. Mentally zapped. Gerry is due to come in early tomorrow for the Slaying of the gay street sequence. We have two batches of gay actors to choose from. I’m more inclined to go for our next-door neighbors. They are a fun bunch. They actually are pretty from a certain angle. I remember Gerry throwing them a glance or two when he first came to visit me. Form what I gleaned from the maids, they actually recruit and train entertainers.
There was a time when I climbed the steps to the unit and had a cramp attack on my left leg. I just went back to the gym after a long period of neglecting the body and indulging in hedonistic activities. Maybe I sprained a muscle or two. But I was there at the top of the stairs gritting my teeth and trying to maintain my balance. When my gay neighbor with the big breast approached me and asked if everything was all right and could he/she help. I said that I can manage and that everything was ok. Of course my leg was anything but ok. But I just didn’t want him to carry me home. Hmmm that would be a great scene in a movie.
Also finished editing Cecile’s Grandmother’s birthday video. Had to wade thru four hours of footage. Took me an hour to come up with an interesting angle to approach
this. How do you make a party of elderly people interesting to watch for viewers who
are not related to them? Make it funny. I don’t know how Granny would take it. I’ll find out on the Sunday premiere.
KUPAL and to mentally figure out how the entire film would be edited. This is a fun pet project. Had this idea for a long time. Giles, the actor playing the lead actually was shocked at how yellow and old the storyboard pages were. Shooting it was a romp. He basically did everything I told him to do. No complaints..no nothing. In three shooting days we were able to cover half the script. Never exceeding 15 takes. He has a striking resemblance to Christopher reeves. Maybe its his super hero jaw line and the black brimmed spectacles. Hmmmmmm maybe I can do a pinoy super hero flick.
Sheez. I didn’t even sleep last night. Mentally zapped. Gerry is due to come in early tomorrow for the Slaying of the gay street sequence. We have two batches of gay actors to choose from. I’m more inclined to go for our next-door neighbors. They are a fun bunch. They actually are pretty from a certain angle. I remember Gerry throwing them a glance or two when he first came to visit me. Form what I gleaned from the maids, they actually recruit and train entertainers.
There was a time when I climbed the steps to the unit and had a cramp attack on my left leg. I just went back to the gym after a long period of neglecting the body and indulging in hedonistic activities. Maybe I sprained a muscle or two. But I was there at the top of the stairs gritting my teeth and trying to maintain my balance. When my gay neighbor with the big breast approached me and asked if everything was all right and could he/she help. I said that I can manage and that everything was ok. Of course my leg was anything but ok. But I just didn’t want him to carry me home. Hmmm that would be a great scene in a movie.
Also finished editing Cecile’s Grandmother’s birthday video. Had to wade thru four hours of footage. Took me an hour to come up with an interesting angle to approach
this. How do you make a party of elderly people interesting to watch for viewers who
are not related to them? Make it funny. I don’t know how Granny would take it. I’ll find out on the Sunday premiere.
Wednesday, September 11, 2002
Proceeding on WASTED the movie with the dizzying pace of a snail in heat. The actor who was supposed to play the bag slasher is going wishy washy on us." I' m going to act if there's not a cloud in the sky. I’m going to do it if there are good looking girls on the side, watching me." He was lucky that he said that on the phone. God knows what would have happened if he was standing in front of me and I had my tripod at hand. Even Komikero is exasperated with the guy. I saw his eyes turned blood red when the actor agreed to shoot this Sunday and then backed down a few seconds and then agreed again. When I put the phone down I considered getting someone else. Only that this guy is so damn good. I mean he's not good at acting with emotions. He’s good with the way people act when they die! Not in the tacky style of our local stuntmen He convulses and twitches at the right moment and in the right angle! Maybe I should start an acting school for how to play dead or dying people.
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