MECHANIC: “ Just as I thought. YOUR BATTERY IS DEAD! “

FLIM: “BUT THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE! I BARELY USED THE DAMN THING!"

MECHANIC: AHEAHEAHE…That’s the problem…AHE.AHE…AHE. When you don’t use it the charge in the battery fades out. It shortens the battery life! “

AMAZING! I just paid a small fortune for 15 dvds, nine action figures, a pair of motorcycle booths, four graphic novels and an assortment of other stuff and here I am ,on the receiving end of another huge spend out! If I knew that stupid battery was going to conk out on me, I wouldn’t have bought half the stuff I did.

FLIM: “ Can’t you just recharge it? JUMPSTART THE DEAD WITH A PAIR OF ELECTRODES! BARON VON FRANKENSTEIN DID!

MECHANIC:” I’ll try but if the amperes don’t change…you have to get a new battery.”

It started at around 7 in the A.M.Was about to got o the gym so I can flex my solar plexus. The sun was shining and the cool early morning breeze had a tinge of the coming December ambience.

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY.

I wasn’t surprise when the bike refused to start. Since it was a beautiful day something was bound to go wrong and it had to be the battery.

JEEPNEY DRIVER: “ It’s the battery!

FLIM: “ Figured as much. Would you mind if you guys push.”

JEEPNEY DRIVER: “ Why should I? You don’t even invite me to act in your film? “

FLIM: “ I never thought that you wanted to be part of it.”

JEEPNEY DRIVER: “ Everybody wants to be part of it. Specially when you paid that pedicab driver ..how much? “

FILM: “ GROAN…It’s too early in the morning for this kind of shit!”

JEEPNEY DRIVER: “ I’ll help you push if you promise to put me in the shoot.”

FLIM: “ I PROMISE! NOW PUSH! “

JEEPNEY DRIVER: “ What role?”

FLIM: “ SCUSE ME? “

JEEPNEY DRIVER: “ What should I play?”

FLIM: “ Ahhh…uhm… how about the guy who smokes inside the jeep?”

JEEPNEY DRIVER: “ I don’t smoke.”

FLIM: “ Well you can just act like you’re smoking. That’s why it’s called acting.”

JEEPNEY DRIVER: “ I used to smoke. But I quit three years ago. I cant put a smoke on my lips. I might go back to smoking.”

FLIM: ”Tell you what just push and then we’ll discuss what role you might be interested in.”

Looking back I don’t even know why I even entertained such a conversation with him. Was it because at 7 a.m. he was the only one awake or did I just need some mindless stimuli to preoccupy me while I cope with this latest crisis.

CELL PHONE RINGS!

DB: “ Hey We need to meet later this afternoon. Have to do a draft for the pilot.”

FLIM:” What pilot? “

BD: “ The TV SERIES! “

FLIM: “ Oh yeah. The SOAP BOX THING.”

BD: “ Cute! Didn’t I tell you that when you add up how many soap we’d get WE’LL GET RICH!!! “

FLIM: “ My toes are tingling with anticipation! Im going to the shop. The damn battery’s dead! “

BD: “ Because you don’t use it as much swipe! Didn’t I tell you before? You have to use the bike everyday so it’s on tip-top condition.”

FLIM: “ I don’t need any more lectures. I just need a push so I can jumpstart the damn thing and take it to the shop.”

JEEPNEY DRIVER: “Sorry but I can’t push anymore. Passengers are lining up on my jeep. “

Forty minutes later I arrived at the shop. A yosi boy helped me push the bike. It started as we rounded a corner.

Had to wait for an hour before MANG PEPING was ready to check on the bike. There were a lot of customers in the morning.

MECHANIC: “ Just as I thought. YOUR BATTERY IS DEAD! “

FLIM: “BUT THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE! I BARELY USED THE DAMN THING!

MECHANIC: AHEAHEAHE…That’s the problem…AHE.AHE…AHE. When you don’t use it the charge in the battery fades out. It shortens the battery life! “

So Mang Peping got the charger and tried to bring a dead battery back to life.

MECHANIC: “ See? It doesn’t charge anymore. Hwen its hooked up the engines
Running. But when I take the charger off ….PSSST!

( Does a slicing motion on his windpipe)


FLIM: “ So what do I do? “

MECHANIC; “ BUY a new battery.”

FLIM: “ ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! “

So I saunter over the counter and asked the saleslady.

FLIM: “ How much is a new YUASA BATTERY? “

SALESLADY: “ Let me check. Didn’t you get a new battery about a year ago?”

FLIM: “ About two years ago.”

SALESLADY: “ That’s what happens when you don’t use the motorcycle everyday. The battery gets…”

Was it just me or did people start talking exactly alike. Could be one of the signs that the end of the world is near.

Took an hour for the new battery to get charged and mounted inside my STEALTH FIGHTER. Just then DB arrives.

DB: “ Why don’t we just have the meeting here.”

FLIM: “ I’m not in the mood to have any meetings. I just got robbed.”

DB: “Told you about having the bike in storage. Battery is the first to go.”

FLIM: “Well at least they’re giving me a new battery.”

DB: “ How much are you paying for it? “

FLIM: “ At least 50 percent higher than the last time.”

DB: “ Funny how you end up paying 50 percent higher for a battery that they probably got in storage since two years ago. That’s how they make a killing! Did you know that its The mother who bought the battery stocks. The mother of ETHAN the owner of the shop.What does she know about battery’s right ? “

FLIM: “ Thanks for telling me these things NOW! When I cant do a thing about it!!!!! “

DB: “Just watch the performance of that YUASA.”

FLIM: “There’s a moral lesson here somewhere BUT IM TOO TIRED TO FIND OUT! “

Made this cartoon character a while back.Posted it on a site called HOMESTEAD.Unfortunately it collapsed. So im posting some of it here. He's called FUCKBOY.

KARO SYRUP and CATSUPS NO MORES

Alanguilan left the gray shirt for me to gore it up for the following day’s early morning shoot. Spent half the night looking for the MAGIC paper that would be the basic ingredient for the bloodstains. Unfortunately the magic paper was nowhere to be found. I remember placing it in my prop cabinet. And when I opened it …the cabinet was very tidy and as usual all the important things are nowhere to be found. That is one o the major reasons I don’t like the maids cleaning up. Oh yes they sweep off the dust and they put everything in its proper place but then their concept of a proper place isn’t the same as mine’s. Asked the maids where thy placed the magic paper.

DELILAH: “ I don’t remember SER! I cleaned it’s a weeks ago.”

FLIM: “ BROWN ENVELOPE…on this shelf.”

DELILAH: “ NEVER SAW…SER! “

I looked at the shelves and it was filled with cleaning fluids and kitchen instruments.

FLIM: “ Delilah…please don’t touch this cabinet. This is where we put our props for filming. Now I can’t find the magic paper and we need it for tomorrow’s shoot.”

DELILAH: “ I thought ye were lookings for the brown envelope. It doesn’t look like magic paper ser!”

FLIM: “ The magic paper is inside the brown envelope.”

DELILAH: “ How does the magic paper look like? “

I described the color and the texture of the paper. Suddenly her eyes grew wide.

DELILAH: “ We made paper boats with it Ser! Long times ago! “

FLIM: “ How can it be LONG TIMES AGO! I JUST BOUGHT THAT PAPER A WEEK AGO! “

DELILAH: “ A week ago is a long times ago! “

I KNEW IT! NOTHING COULD BE SIMPLE WITH THIS FILM!!!!! ARRGGGH!

FLIM: ”NEXT TIME DELILAH DON’T TOUCH THE CONTENTS OF THE PROP CABINET! “

DELILAH: “ You told us to cleanese it.”

FLIM: “ When was that? “

DELILAH: “ A longs times ago!”


FLIM: “ I told you to do that even before I turned this cabinet into a prop room. IN FACT I ASKED YOU TO CLEAN IT SO THAT I CAN TURN IT INTO A PROP ROOM! And that was months ago! WHEN DID YOU CLEAN IT? “

DELILAH: “ Noong SUNDAY.”

FLIM: “ You cleaned it last Sunday? I told you to CLEAN IT A LONGS TIMES AGO!”

That’s it! NO BROWN ENVELOPE! NO MAGIC PAPER! NO BLOOD!

Made a mental note to by a padlock so I can control the traffic of the Prop cabinet.

Well that’s it for the MAGIC PAPER. Probably its floating somewhere in the Pasig river.
Left a little surprise for Alanguilan on the dinner table and started catching ZZZs. It’s going to be an early day tomorrow.

Was leafing thru my storyboards when ALANGUILAN climbed the stairs.

ALANGUILAN: “ WHAT DOES THE SPREAD T-SHIRT ON THE DINNER TABLE MEAN? “

FLIM: “ ASIDE FROM THE CATSUP BOTTLE STANDING NEXT TO IT?”

ALANGUILAN: “ Where’s the MAGIC PAPER? “

FLIM: “ Its gone….”

ALANGUILAN: “ What happened? “

FLIM: “ It’s a longs storys! And it’s happened a longs times ago! SO START DRIBBLING! “

Used the " VOICE” so ALANGULAN automatically obeyed my command. He started pouring the catsup on the t-shirt and tried to make it look like a random splash of human blood. Supposedly it was the blood of his gay tormentors, the one’s he slaughtered a month ago.

During the pre-production phase of WASTED THE MOVIE. I already told ALAGUILAN that I wasn’t interested in making a slasher film. And as much as I hate to use the word, which has been maligned, by a lot of filmmakers since time immemorial, I really wanted this film to be “ CHARACTER DRIVEN! “

YUCKKKK! NOW I HAVE SAID IT! “ CHARACTER DRIVEN” I always cringe when I see directors being interviewed about their films and claiming it as being “ CHARACTER DRIVEN ” when I just saw it and it’s anything but “ CHARACTER DRIVEN! “

Well I just wrote it on this blog. Can always erase it anytime, Hehehehehehehe

Hmm now where was I? Oh yes.. So I told Alanguilan in order to make WASTED a “ CHARACTER DRIVEN “ movie I have to focus more on the internal and external character conflicts rather than the killings and the slaughter fest!

ALANGUILAN: “ BUT…BUT…BUT ITS NOT GOING TO BE WASTED WITHOUT BLOOD AND DEAD BODIES IN MAJOR NUMBERS.”

FLIM: “ Was thinking of doing a FRED ASTAIRE GINGER ROGERS MUSICAL NUMBER instead of shooting massacre scenes. Whadya think?”

ALANGUILAN: “ I have always been partial to musicals you know.”

So with that concept in mind we shot the killing scenes with a little restraint. There’s still blood…there’s a little gore and some brain tissues coagulating on phone booth stands but not excessively.

FLIM: “ DON’T PUT TOO MUCH BLOOD ON THE SHIRT! ITS JUST A SPRAY STAIN! NOT A BUTCHER’S APRON! “

ALANGUILAN: “ Just wanted to make sure that there’s a little bit more blood. You don’t want the audience to think that he got it when he shaved that morning do you? “

FLIM: “ Yeah well…just don’t add anymore.”

I left him to do the blood work as I assembled the camera and the lenses.

ALANGUILAN: “ SHIT!!!! I’M GOING TO SMELL LIKE CATSUP FOR THE REST OF THE DAY! “

FLIM: “ Maybe you can be a walking DEL MONTE ICON.”

ALANGUILAN: “ You can crack jokes about it but I’m going to be the one to wear this and smell like catsup! ALL DAY LONG! “

FLIM: “Look, Im going to be busting my chops making you look GOOD! And that’s not an easy job!!!”

ALANGUILAN: “ JACKASS!!!! “

FLIM: “LEMUR!”

We walked five blocks to the location. Everyone we met along the way held their noses with their fingers.

ALANGUILAN: “ I hate you! “

FLIM: “ You’re a star. Everyone feels your magnetic presence! You foul the very air that mere mortals breathe! YOU ARE AN EPIPHANY! “

ALANGUILAN: “ GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! “

We reached the location and I positioned myself, the camera and the tripod fifty feet away.

FLIM: “ Ok, I want you to hide in that corner and when I yell action. I want you to come walking with your trademark JOSEPH ESTRADA SWAGGER and looking zoned out while hiding your gun in the back.”

ALANGUILAN looks at the distance that he is about to cover.

ALANGUILAN: “ How am I gonna hear you yell action when it sso far away? “

FLIM: “ “I’LL CUP MY HANDS OVER MY MOUTH AND SIMULATE A MEGAPHONE, YOU HAPPY? NOW DO IT! “

He goes off mumbling and grumbling something about catsups and tomatoes.

For some strange reason the tripod resisted every attempt I made to make it perfectly horizontal. The third leg would swivel back into the sloth and when I fixed that, the other leg would do the same.

FLIM: “ YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED MY LITTLE METALLIC FRIEND. IF I HAD A TRIPOD TO SPARE I’D WHAM YOU ON THE HEAD! YOU SHITHEAD!”

We did 60 takes of ALANGUILAN rounding the corner. Every take had something good in it. But the first twenty takes were too conventional. The magic started happening between take forty-one till take 60.

FLIM: “ GOOD! THAT’S GOOD! LETS DO ANOTHER! “

TAKE: 52

FLIM: “ GOOD! THAT’S GOOD! LETS DO ANOTHER! “

TAKE: 57

FLIM: "THAS GOOD! LETS DO ANOTHER!

ALANGUILAN walks towards me with exhaustation written all over his face!

ALANGUILAN: “ IF ITS GOOD. WHY ARE WE DOING MORE TAKES OF THE SAME THING?”

FLIM: “ I said that IT’S GOOD. I DIDN’T SAY THAT IT WAS GREAT!!!! UNTIL I SAY GREAT! WE’RE GOING TO DO MORE TAKES!!!!!”

ALANGUILAN: “ Well stop saying “ GOOD.” It makes me feel bad when we still have to do more.”

FLIM: “ Would you rather me say, “ THAT’S BAD, LETS DO ANOTHER? Won’t you get more discouraged with that every time we repeat the shot? I was giving you an emotional boost! YOU’RE DOIN GOOD LETS TRY ANOTHER!! Doesn’t that give you an extra PEP?”

ALANGUILAN: “ I guess…...................... I smell like catsup.”

FLIM: “ I smell like sweat all over but you don’t hear me complaining. NOW LETS DO ANOTHER TAKE!!! ”

We nailed it at TAKE 60. On the way back to the command station, the pedicab driver who played our snatcher, months ago passed by with his pedicab and offered us a lift. We were more than happy to take him up with the invitation. Did a quick interview of him while he was pedaling. When we reached H.Q. We gave him 20 bucks. But he refused saying that it was on him. Probably thought that we wanted to bang him up so more. But Alanguilan insisted and he caved in.

We were both too exhausted to talk so we ate our lunch in silence.

DELILAH walks in

DELILAH: "Sers,we need moneis for some catsups for the fird chickens.Thers catsups no mores."

I look at Alanguilan and tell him that he’s lucky he doesn’t have to eat dinner with us that night.

KARO SYRUP AND MY MAN, FRIDAY.- I

The Catsup incident started a day before the shoot, which was Thursday. ALANGUILAN dropped off some stuff that he promised he would lend me. One trade paperback of the latest daredevil reprints LOVE’S LABOR LOST. ALAN MOORE’S PROMETHEA and BIRTH CAUL. I’m a big fan of DAREDEVIL when FRANK MILLER handled the title. But now everything that comes out looks pathetic after his run. And any comic book with a title ‘LOVE LABOR’S LOST would definitely get my attention if not my contempt! Still Alanguilan insisted that I try it because it was the debut of DAVE MAZZUCCHELI. I’m a fan of his art since I first saw it in BORN AGAIN. But as I read thru it, (LOVE’S LABOR LOST) I suddenly discovered that I only enjoyed it (DAVE’S ART) when the writing was good (Like BORN AGAIN.) and this LOVE’S LABOR’S LOST is a definite loss! I swore that I would never read any recommendations by ALANGUILAN. Ten out of 3 they’re always bad! I don’t know which is worst, his taste in comic books or his taste in films.

AS we sat down to plan the next day’s shooting we saw something in the DISCOVERY channel about a guy traveling Europe and discussing new medeterianain recipes. We both looked at each other and in a rare moment our earthly needs were in synch.

ALANGUILAN: “ Let’s order PIZZA.”

FLIM: “ DAMN STRAIGHT! “

ALANGUILAN: “ I have a buy one, take one promo card from Pizza hut. Let’s use it.”

So I dialed the number and made the usual reservations.

FLIM: “ How much for a large pan pizza.

She mentions a price that is somewhere between 350-390.

FLIM: “ Ok give us a MANAGER’S SPECIAL.”

COUNTERGIRL: “ Sir..We don’t have that eh.”

ALANGUILAN: “ THAT’S SHAKEYS, MORON! PIZZA HUT IS MEAT LOVERS! “

FLIM: “ Can you kindly hold on while me and my hunchback assistant discuss something?”

COUNTER GIRL: “ Ok sir.”

FLIM: “ WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN THE PROMO FROM SHAKEY’S YOU JACKASS! I HATE MEAT LOVERS! “

ALANGUILAN: “ THAT’S THE ONLY PROMO CARD THEY WERE HANDING OUT WHEN I STEPPED OUT OF THE HOUSE! YOU LEMUR! “

FLIM: “ I HATE ANYTHING THAT HAS PINEAPPLES ON SOMETHING THAT'S SUPPOSED TO REGISTER ON MY PALETTE AS MEATY AND SPICY!”

ALANGUILAN: “ WELL ORDER SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T HAVE PINEAPPLE ON THEM! “

FLIM: “ I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU TO GET PROMOS ON THINGS THAT PEOPLE WONT BUY ON A REGULAR PRICE DAY! “

I turned my attention back to the girl on the phone!

FLIM: “ What else do you have that doesn’t have pineapples on it.”

She names one and I order it.

COUNTER GIRL: “ But SIR THE FREE PIZZA THAT accompanies it has pineapples on it! “

FLIM: “ Hold on again.! “

I just placed the phone on my knee and grabbed ALANGUILAN’s OAK sized neck and proceeded to shake him left to right!

FLIM: “ Hello, let me have the pineapples then. IS the family size good enough for two people?

COUNTER GIRL: “ Its good enough for one small family.”

FLIM: “ Its good enough for two people. Thank you. Here’s the address.”


Alanguilan then takes out a gray t-shirt and hands it to me.

ALANGUILAN: “ We should have blood all over it. “

FLIM: “ Let me find that magic paper.”

ALANGUILAN: “ How about catsup? “

FLIM: “ Haven’t you been listening to your filmmaker’s commentaries on track 2? No one uses catsup! It’s just industry shorthand for KARO SYRUP no.3! Everyone knows that it is the closets approximation to blood’s consistency.”

ALANGUILAN: “ SO do you have KARO SYRUP no.3?

FLIM: “Nope! But we have something even better. The MAGIC PAPER! “

ALANGUILAN: ‘ What about the magic paper?”

FLIM: “ Its better than KARO SYRUP. When we dabbled it with water. It comes out red. But then the paper disintegrates into tiny goblets of red. Making it look like coagulated blood and splattered brain matter. So when I dump it into you, it would look like you shot someone at close range and they sprayed you with their guts!”

ALANGUILAN: “ Oh…. That’s cool.”

FLIM: “ SEE? NOW DOES FRIDAY UNDERSTAND? GOOD! THIS IS MASTER’S SHORT IT BELONGS TO MASTER! NOW THAT IS FRIDAY’S TOENAILS! THAT IS FRIDAYS! “

ALANGUILAN: “ ?”

FLIM: “ Ohhhh poor Friday. Now what the hell are we going to do while waiting for the pizza.”?

ALANGUILAN: “ Let’s buy some soft drinks.”

FLIM: “ Good idea FRIDAY! Les move.

We went to the next-door convenient store and rummaged thru the giant freezer locker. We contemplated which brand to get first. I really hate it when I have to decide what cola brand to get because they almost taste the same. There is a little taste difference but it is minute at best and only a COLA addict would even bother to discriminate its subtle strengths!

FLIM: “ I am perplexed, FRIDAY! Which do we get? COKE or PEPS?!”

ALANGUILAN: “ Let me see..Hey I got it! Lets get the Pepsi because there’s a 1 million peso promo contest on the label."


FLIM: “ Damn right! We might win and we can boost the production budget to a million! “

ALANGUILAN: “ Well almost a million. I intend to use a 100,000 for my wedding! “

FLIM: “ Just elope! Would you really like to feed a multitude of people who would end up complaining about the food anyway? “

ALANGUILAN: “ If we win we can afford to get a thousand extras for my death scene.”

FLIM: “ If we win we can shoot at one of those tall buildings in MAKATI.We can hire a platoon of production assistants to do traffic and crowd control! “

ALANGUILAN: “ If we win we can afford to buy an airbag so I can actually jump from the building! “

FLIM:” IF WE WIN! WE CAN FINALLY BUY A DECENT TRIPOD.”

We looked at each other as the euphoria surged thru us.

ALANGUILAN: “ LET’S BUY TWO! SO WE CAN WIN TWO MILLION PESOS! “

With logic like that HOW CAN WE LOSE?

The pizza came in thirty minutes later. I really hate pineapples on pizza. IT’S SO HIDEOUS! WHOEVER INVENTED IT SHOULD GET HIS STOMACH BLUDGEONED!

Since there was a chessboard lying on the table I challenged my man FRIDAY for a short game.

Imagine my surprise when he beat me two in a row.

I haven’t been playing for 15 years and my moves were very rusty. It’s not like Im trying to whine my way out of losing to him its just…HELL IT IS WHINING AND I DON’T CARE!

Finally a miracle happened on the 3rd bout!

I won!

Got my old groove back. Checkmated him in seven moves.

Of course my man Friday would deny that my triumph was anything but legit. I really hate poor losers! When he was winning I admitted that I was tad rusty. But nonetheless I accepted my loss. NOW WHEN I WON! HE ACCUSES ME OF PERFORMING AN ILLEGAL MOVE!

FLIM: “ Come, come. FRIDAY! It’s not really the winning. IT’S THE GAME THAT COUNTS!

ALANGUILAN: “ That’s an illegal move! And you were fondling that last piece of pizza. IT WAS DISTRACTING TO ME!”

FLIM:“ That’s a poor excuse if I ever heard one. “

ALANGUILAN: “ YOU KNEW THAT WAS MY SLICE! And you still fondled it so I can lose my concentration.”

FLIM: “ OH FRIDAY! When you play you can’t win all the time. LET’S HAVE A REMATCH TOMORROW AND NO MORE PIZZA SLICE TO UNNERVE YOUR DRACONIAN IMPULSES!”

ALANGUILAN: “ CHEATER! “

FLIM: “ HERE! Take your last slice. The one that cost you the game. BONA APPETITE! “

ALANGUILAN: ‘ IM NOT HUNGRY ANYMORE. YOU EAT IT! “

FLIM: “ DON’T MIND if I do. Winning makes me hungry.”

Never mind if the pizza had pineapples. It still tasted good.

Went back to the cave and just sat there and contemplated our bulging waistlines.

FLIM: “ Gosh look at that! Never thought that I’d see me gut stick out its tongue and raspberry me! “

ALANGUILAN: “ Look at mine! “

FLIM: “ You have a perfect excuse! YOU’RE WASTED! What’s my excuse! “

ALANGUILAN: “ Damn lazy bastard! That’s your excuse!”

FLIM: “ Metabolisms have a way of slowing down when you reach 30.”

ALANGUILAN : “ Use to run everyday .5 KILOMETERS.”

FLIM: “ Remember you should lose 30 pounds for the opening of the movie. I want you sleek and aerodynamically correct. Think you can do that? “

ALANGUILAN : Of course. Give me a few months.

I find that very hard to believe specially when his bare stomach’s winking at me from a thirty-five degree angle. This is going to be a lonnnnnnngggg shoot!

Was drawing this when the phone rang.


WET EARS: “ Saw your post. Im interested in swapping my DOCTOR DOOM POSTER VARIANT with your INCREDIBLE HULK.”

FLIM: “ SOUNDS good! “

WET EARS: “ Wait is it the fully articulated fingers? Cause if its not then the deal is off.”

FLIM: “ Wait a sec.”

I hold the Box up to the fluorescent light and examined the joints.

FLIM: “ It has a break in the palm that covers the first finger before the thumb and the last finger so I guess you can move those but not each finger.”

WET EARS: “ Then its not fully articulated.”

FLIM: “ Why what’s your Hulk?”

WET EARS: “ It’s hand is just one giant rubber.hand! “

FLIM: “ Well then I guess mine is the fully articulated one.”

WETEARS: “ Is it mint in the box? “

FLIM: “ Well I don’t open my toys. “

WET EARS: “ So where do we meet? “

FLIM: “ I don’t know you tell me. “

WET EARS: “ Uhm how about he gas station a few blocks away from the mall.”

FLIM: “ OK. What time? “

WET EARS: “ 2:00.”

FLIM: “ How would I know if it’s you? “

WET EARS: “ I’ll raise the DOCTOR DOOM on high.”

FLIM: “ THE HELL YOU WILL! Im very particular about the surface of the Blister pack. I don’t want your greasy fingers all over the place. WAIT A MINUTE YOU’RE NOT A HOARDER ARE YOU? “

WET EARS: “ NO Im not. I just bought two sets for my collection.”

FLIM: “ Wait I bought my HULK for 350 because it’s with the comic book. Yours is just the poster variant so that means you got it for …hm 299. Well you still owe me money. The difference of the cost! “

WET EARS: “Ahhhh but if you check BIDSHOT my DOOM is now worth 375 pesos in the open bid so that means…YOU OWE ME MONEY.”

FLIM: “ FUCK IT! I’m not going to give you a single cent! Are you going to pin me every time your item goes up in price???”

WETEASR: “ Let’s just trade without any money involve. “

FLIM:” I’ll meet you at two.”

Sleazy bastard! Could tell from his voice that he was twenty or something. Never met a collector who wasn’t sleazy. (Me included.) I guess we all have to be. Hustling and dealing over Internet café’s, comic shops, toyshops, now in public gas stations! We’d do almost everything to keep and increase our collections. To what end?

So that we would be the envy of our peers. So we can see visitors eyes pop out and their mouths hanging.

‘ IS THAT A PLANET OF THE APES URKO MEGO TOY? “

Yep!

‘ ITS NOT A REISSUE? “

"REISSUES ARE FOR SISSIES!"

Who cares if they gather dust most of the time. That I don’t even have the pleasure of opening them and playing with them. That I’m always checking for the cardboard boxes for any sign of degradation. (Which can be seen as a discoloration of the original colors.)

Most of the time the collection would be the death of a collector. Like the time when I saw my five-year-old niece ripping open My JOHNNY HERO BOX!

“ NOT THE BOX! NOT THE BOX! “

In some cases the box is more precious than the toy itself.


You’d be surprised that there are collectors who collect just the toy boxes and not the toys!

I collect everything I like.

I have a 300 piece ,long playing album collection (I still detest cds) I started buying them when I was 13 . Got the complete albums of KISS, LED ZEPPELIN, BLACK SABBATH, THE WHO, DEEP PURPLE. Most of them disbanded during the time except for KISS who seems to go on forever. Got my first taste of rock and roll when my older cousins would go to my uncle’s place and play their records full blast! Rock music was the only type of music at the time that can shut down the sermons hurtling towards you at light speed!

I have a 150-piece LASER DISC COLLECTION and even with the advent of DVDs I still play most of my lasers

At the last count I have 200 DVDs , which is composed of r1’s and r3’s and 30 pirated DVDs, which I keep as conversation pieces

I have my TRUE VIEW SLIDER with slides of BATMAN and VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA, SUPERMAN, TREASURE ISLAND, SCOBBY DOO, ISLAND ON TOP OF THE WORLD; this isn’t the view master where you have a trigger that propels the pictures sequentially for you to view. This is the ancient "slide with your fingers" technique.

I also have the View master( which is the one with the trigger ) and forty packs of film reels with it . All in excellent condition.

I have my TOPPS BUBBLE CARDS OF STAR WARS AND THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK AND SUPERMAN. Some of them still have the chewing gum in it. I guess cause I haven’t opened them. But I can still hear some rustling sound when I shake the packs.

I HAVE MY JAPANESE MONSTER COLLECTION. All pieced together from my various trips to JAPAN. But the main bulk was given to me by MR. TAKAHASI the FUKOOKA PROGRAMMING DIRECTOR HEAD when I won IN THE GRAND PRIZE for THE SOUTHEAST ASIAN FILM COMPETITION IN 93. During the victory celebration he handed me this big brown burlap bag and when I saw it, my eyes glinted. Inside was a trophy that I actually felt happy to get. (The SOUTHEAST ASIAN AWARD was a long scroll written in Japanese characters, which I can’t even read. I have to go to the Japanese embassy and ask someone there to read it for me, so that I can feel good! )

The burlap bag contained, GAMERA the giant turtle, GIGAN with his BUZZ SAW stomach, MOTHRA in larvae stage, RODAN the flying bird!

I also have my action figure 12-INCH Collection. (Dom used to say, “ IF ITS NOT 12 INCHES, ITS NOT WORTH PLAYING WITH!), JOHNNY HERO, SUPERMAN mego edition, MASKATRON, ULTRA MAN

Then there’s my Comic book collection. 1,500 all in all. Composed of Complete runs of SWAMP THING BY ALAN MOORE. These are the actual comic books not the sissy Trade paperback re-issues. MIRACLE MAN, DOOM PATROL (THE GRANT MORRISON RUN) PREACHER, HELL BLAZER & HIT MAN, by GARTH ENNIS,

84 issues of HEAVY METAL from the late seventies to the early nineties

22 issues of CINEFEX, the special effects digest

Some collectors dispose off a particular collection once they tire of it and then substitute it for something else. I know many toy collectors who dumped their treasures and sold it and reinvested it into comic books and vice versa. But I never sell my collections. I just move from one thing to another. I carefully store my record collection into a box and keep it inside the room. And then take out the 12-inch action figures that I once harvested during the early 80’s and when the fancy strikes me I buy 12inchers again.

The other day I was surfing the net and found a Superman 6 inch Mego toy. Mego was a toy company that was very popular during the seventies and early eighties but they closed down. Now anything that MEGO made is considered a collectors item. So I called up my brother.

FLIM: “ Do you still have that superman doll you used to play with?”

ANTON: “ I don’t know…have to find it why? “

FLIM: “ It now costs 2,800 bucks.”

ANTON: “ I’ll try to find it but chances are it might be in pieces.”

FLIM: “ What about the STAR SCREAM toy that you had? “

ANTON: “ I threw it away seven years ago.”

FLIM: “ You know how much it costs now? “

ANTON: “ I don’t even want to ask. I didn’t know that these toys would appreciate during the years. So I threw them out! “

FLIM: “ Yep that’s the problem with throwing things out. Most of the time you’re throwing away something valuable and you don’t even know it yet! “

ANTON: “ Well I’m not like you! YOU HOARD stuff that you accumulated thru the years. Your room is a virtual stock house. You can’t even sleep on your own bed because of stuff. You even keep your ex-girlfriends letters to you! “

Opps forgot to list that in my list of collections!

FLIM: “ Well just look for the Superman toy if you can!”

Never told him that throwing your toys away is like throwing your childhood away. Toys are your best buddies and confidants modeled in plastic and metal. They listened to you pour your heart out when parents scolded you. They’re the playmates that never grew up. They are YOU!

And every toy is different from the next. Each scratch and paint scarped away is a signature of your passing. A battle wound of your youth!

Most of the collectors I know collect the stuff that they used to have when they were kids and lost it somewhere along the way. Some buy the stuff that they weren’t able to get when they were young and has haunted them ever since.

There was this one guy who always wanted a G.I JOE when he was ten or more. He begged and pleaded to his parents but they didn’t give him one. Now that he is in his late 30’s his mission in life is to amass as many GI JOES that are out there. To date he has 345 or more. I don’t know what he’s going to do with them. Probably he’s storing it all so that there would be hundreds of children like him that would grow up, deprived of the
same toy.

Never thought that growing up without a particular toy would lead to a serious neurosis.But then again a person’s psychological profile is pretty complicated.

I’m planning a massive hunt for the CAPTAIN AMERICA Marvel legends action figure because he was the first superhero I discovered when I was a kid. Then I watched him again and again in that fantastic animated series that was drawn by JACK KIRBY.The ones that were shown on TV and was shot with minimal movement. I believe it was an episode with that cool French criminal, BATLOC THE LEAPER! GREAT STUFF!Should have gotten that MARVEL LEGENDS ACTION FIGURE when I saw it everywhere…but I didn’t for one reason or another.CEST LA VIE. I will find one, damnit! I WILL!

There was a time when PLATINUM COMICS was still open in GALLERIA and I saw several DOOM PATROL and SWAMP THING COMIC BOOKS that were on display on a glass case. I asked DAVE the owner where I can get those.

DAVE: “ Heheheheh, That’s impossible to find. Even if you start looking this year it’ll take you like three and it wont be complete. These are very hard to find issues. You can’t even get it in comic book conventions in the states.”

FLIM: “ I will get them.”

DAVE: “ Tell you what, if you do get the DOOM PATROL issues from 26-45. I’ll give you comic books on this shop worth a thousand pesos. HEHEHEHEH”
<
b>FLIM: “ DEAL! “

And we shook hands.

Took me a year to complete the collection.

Bought some from Spencer’s COSMIC COLLECTIBLES . The other issues I was able to acquire by trading them with other comicbooks. But most of them came from friends and relatives who went to Canada and the states.They went thru comicshops and back issue bins.

Met up again with Dave and showed him my collection. He just stared at them and asked how I was able to get it.

FLIM: “ OBSESSION! 100 percent OBSESSION! “

But he didn’t give me the 1,000 peso free comic books.

WELCHER!

I was once asked what will I do with all the stuff that I accumulated. That’s a very good question. My reply was that I’d pass it on to my kid. A different kind of heirloom. Who knows how much these stuff would be down the road.

Drew this while waiting for me better half to finish work. It was JEEPNEY HELL DAY TODAY!

I did this drawing on paint, while waiting for the rains to stop.
Made a slew of Superhero pins up with paint. I dont know if its my deprivation of the action figures that made me do this or just
pure boredom. You tell me

Yesterday was TOY HUNT DAY. Grabbed my trusty battered Indiana Jones like all purpose bag and my comfy motorcycle booths. Was supposed to put on my ragged jeans. When the phone rang and a client wanted to meet on a special project he was planning.So nix the work threads for some cool cotton wool and polo. Was gunning the STEALTH FIGHTER’s engine. Hadn’t used it for almost a week. There’s nothing like a cool naked bike for maximum mobility. Then another popper. Me better half’s car was rammed by an insensitive taxi driver and she has no means of locomotion. No prob I told her she can just backride with me and I’d drop her in her office. She tells me that she refuses to ride a motorcycle because she’s afraid of dying.

FLIM: “ EVERYBODY DIES!!!!! IN A MYRIAD HORRIBLE WAYS. AT LEAST ON A BIKE YOUR LAST FEW MINUTES WOULD BE EXCITING! “

She just shook her head and told me she’d rather take the jeep.

FLIM: “ THE FUCKING JEEP????? THE REASON WHY I BOUGHT A BIKE IS SO I WONT HAVE TO TAKE THE FUCKING JEEP!!!!!I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO STANDING IN THE CORNER WHILE EVERYBODY BLOWS SMOKE ON YOUR FACE!!! PUSHING AND SHOVING EACH OTHER SO YOU CAN PACK YOURSELVES LIKE ANCHOVIES IN A TIN CAN. THEN THERE’S THE SWEATY UNDERARMS OF YOUR CO-PASSENGER RUBBING AGAINST YOUR NEWLY IRONED SHIRT AND THE BAD SMELL OSMOSIS THAT OCCURS WHILE YOU SIT THERE AND MARINATE IN EACH OTHER’S SAUCES!”


She just shook her head and said, “ No.”


FLIM: “ FINE! SUIT YOURSELF. TAKE THE JEEP. HAVE FUN! IM RIDING IN STYLE. SEE YOU AT THE FINISH LINE.”

She tells me that she doesn’t know which jeep to choose. And even if I told her, she doesn’t know from which point would she go down and what other jeep would she ride since it’s a four-jeep combination ride to the office.

FLIM: “ THAT’S WHY! You’re not a professional Jeepney rider. For you this is a LETS HAVE AN ADVENTURE AND RIDE THE JEEP DAY. You have not ridden a jeep in your life have you? WELL I HAD AND I DON’T LIKE IT! I ONLY USE A JEEP WHEN THERE’S AN EMERGENCY. LIKE WHEN IT RAINS! “

She shakes her head and informs me that she did take the jeep, thrice at that. But it’s a simple ride from one destination to the next. Not the complicated RUBIX CUBE routes that I know so well.

FLIM: “ SO IN SHORT I HAVE TO RIDE THE JEEP SO I CAN ESCORT YOU TO THE OFFICE RIGHT? AND AFTER THAT I HAVE TO RIDE THE STUPID JEEP TO THE CLIENT MEETING AND THEN TO MY TOYHUNT,THEN BACK TO PICK YOU UP? “


She nods her head.

FLIM: “ YOU REALIZE OF COURSE THAT MY TOY HUNTING EXPEDITION WILL TAKE ME ALL OVER MANILA, MAKATI, GREEN HILLS AND MEGA MALL? “


She nods again.

FLIM: “ ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! CURSES! CURSES! NOT THE JEEP! NOT THE DAMN BLOODY JEEPS!NOOOOOOOOOO ”

She went up the house to prepare for work. And I was left all alone with my beautiful BLACK STEALTH FIGHTER. Her magnificent engine going on all four guns. The smooth and semi-silent custom pipe purring like perfection.

I caressed her gleaming tank.

FLIM: “ Wasn’t meant to be MON CHERIE.”

Quickly turned it off and prepared myself for JEEPNEY HELL DAY

And everything transpired exactly as I foreseen it. We stood in the corner and waited for 45 minutes for a Jeep that wasn’t full. And when we did get one. There was only ONE PAIR BUTTOCKS SEAT SPACING left. I had TO MAKE “ SABIT! “ Or as my friend told me,’ RIDE SHOTGUN! “

Then there’s the traffic. Damn it’s the slow moving type that really gets to me. It stops and then moves slowly and then stops again. Sometimes I wont even get back up. Id just move alongside it like a jealous lover. DAMN I HATE THIS!!!!!!!There was a moment that I thought about sitting down on the jeepney floor. But there were spit marks all over the place! WHAT A BUNCH OF BARBARIANS! THESE PEOPLE ARE!

Finally we reached drop point NUMBAH1. Flexing my over strained muscles I scanned for the next SARDINE CAN with tacky designs.

This time it came immediately but once again…only 1 BUTTOCKS PAIR SEAT SPACING was available.

She tells me that she has many papers to sign and the bank closes at three.

BLOODY TYPICAL! WHY DOESN’T SOMEBODY JUST SHOOT ME AND GET THIS DONE WITH!

At the third drop point I was able to get us a 2 BUTTOCKS PAIR SEATING SPACE.

But I was beside a fat guy who perspired heavily and smelled like he took a bath during the last oil price increase. GREAT! Give it a few more minutes and you wont be able to smell us apart. I can only imagine how his underwear feels.

Finally reached her office. I was mentally destroyed by then. My polo shirt is a map of sweaty continents and a carrier ship of the underarm stench of FAT GUY.

She thanks me and tells me to pick her up at 5.

Sounds like a take out order. If only it was that simple.

Now I have to take a Jeep or a bus to client’s building. I HATE THIS! Could have taken a cab. BUT WHAT THE HELL. Im going to take the jeep with the better half later .If I’m going to suffer might as well suffer all the way! No need to pamper one’s self in between bouts of suffering.

Met him at 1:55.

Made a point to sit as far away as possible so FAT BOY STENCH doesn’t register to client’s face.

Revisions are asked and some directorial inputs are welcomed. Will fax revised boards two days from now.


Took the bus to go to GALLERIA. Nothing much happened except the usual “step on your toes and be pushed by the other passengers on the way out” routine

Went to a Toyshop on the top floor and discovered a CAPTAIN AMERICA MARVEL LEGENDS ACTION FIGURE. Selling for P 1,700!!!!!!

FLIM: “ WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? CAP USED TO SELL FOR 349? YOUR PRICES ARE OUTRAGEOUS! I SHOULD REPORT YOU TO THE BOARD OF CONSUMERS!!!!! “

SALESLADY: “ Ahhh that’s not our product. Someone just consigned it to us. “

My eyes squinted and I gave her a THERMAL GLARE.

FLIM: “ WHAT IS HIS NAME? “

This was the moment I have been waiting for. Someone posted in the TOY SITE that there was a member who reads all the post of members who discover toys and their location and this SHITHEAD goes over and BUYS AND HOARDS EVERYTHING! Not only that., this JACKASS even had the audacity to post remarks that are downright insulting to the people who’s information he just used. SO NOW I WANT A NAME!

FLIM: “ WHAT’S HIS NAME? “

Sales girl look flustered.

SALESGIRL: “ Michael daw…. MICHAEL CORLEONE.”

FLIM: “ Really? “

Was ready for a Chinese name because that is who all the toy collectors are suspecting but never in a million years did I expect to hear that name!

Using a Nom de plume. BAH! The Jackass doesn’t even have the balls to use his real unchristian name. Unless by some freak of nature that it’s really his name.

FLIM: “ Suits him well! A GANGSTERS NAME FOR A GANGSTERS PROFESSION! “

A kid came in behind me and looked at the toys. His eyes were filled with excitement and when his innocent gaze fell upon CAPTAIN AMERICA and the INCREDIBLE HULK they lost their glint. (Or maybe I just thought that the glint was lost, anyway)

He then went to another section of the shop. Probably looking for something that he can afford with his lunch allowance.

FLIM: “ SEE THAT? THESE FUCKING HOARDERS ARE STEALING FROM PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO COLLECT TOYS OF CHILDHOOD ICONS WE GREW UP WITH! THEY STEAL FROM KIDS WHO SAVE UP THEIR ALLOWANCE AND EVEN GO HUNGRY SO THAT THEY CAN BUY WITH THEIR TINY CUTE HANDS THEIR HEROES OF PLASTIC AND FAKE CHROMES!”


SALESLADY: “ Oh not that kid. He’s very rich. He buys ten thousand pesos worth of toys every month. He doesn’t like MARVEL TOYS. He’s into ROBOTS! “

FLIM: “ WELL IM NOT TALKING ABOUT HIM!!! I’M TALKING ABOUT ME WHEN I WAS A CHILD!!!!!”

I adjusted my collar and left the shop but not without having the final say.

FLIM: “ TELL MR. CORLEONE that there is a new batch of CAPTAIN AMERICA’S coming next week. AND THEY’RE GOING TO BE SOLD AT THE ORIGINAL PRICE! 350 FUCKING PESOS! “

I was telling the truth. The toyshop I was a regular costumer from, told me not to buy the black market prices for these toys because they will be available soon. The sudden up price was created by this bunch of FUCKING HOARDERS who think that they can double the market value of the said toy just by the sheer fact that they obliterated it from the shelves! WELL FUCK THEM! AND THEIR FUCKING TOYS!”

Arrived at Green hills at 4:30.By Jeep again of course! Strangely I forgot the inconvenience of riding it when I was consumed by the indignant fury I nurtured against the HOARDERS!

Reached SHOPS VILLE and there was THE INCREDIBLE HULK and IRON MAN from SERIES 1 and THE THING from series 2. Seems that no one wanted the THING Action figure because everywhere I go, I see it! No wonder BEN GRIM is so grouchy! At least the INCREDIBLE HULK was being sold for the original 350 pesos. Even when I informed the owner that I saw the HULK at Robinson’s at 1,500. He said that they don’t do that kind of thing!

Cool!

Well at least I wasn’t going home empty handed. I got THE HULK. Wasn’t really a fan of his but I did like the theme song he had.

‘ WHEN BRUCE BANNER WAS EXPOSED TO GAMMA RAYS, TURNS INTO THE HULK…”

Went to CATS COMIC SHOP to take a look-see. Imagine my eyeballs roll up when I saw a copy of THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN VOL: 2 ISSUE1With a price tag of P 1,000


FLIM: “ IS THIS FOR REAL? “

SALESLADY: “ Price increased.”

FLIM: “ Whose selling this? CONSIGNMENT? “

SALESLADY: ” Nope. It’s the owner’s copy. “

I then remembered that I had my copy reserved in another shop. I felt like gagging! I love LEAGUE. Collected the first series because a friend so generously let me buy his issue no.1 at a normal price. Which inspired me to get the following issues.

Suddenly CAPTAIN AMERICA doesn’t seem so important. My mind was racing with lightning speed calculations. I immediately called the other comic shop.

SALESLADY OF OTHER COMIC SHOP: “ Yes! You’re copy is still here and if you don’t get it. Im selling it!”

FLIM: “ HOW MUCH? “

I crossed my fingers and clench my incisors!

A few minutes of "fingers tapping a calculator" sound and.

SALESLADY OF OTHER COMIC SHOP: “ 200 PESOS.”

FLIM: “ DAMN EXPENSIVE! DON’T I GET A DISCOUNT FOR THE AMOUNT OF SIOPAOS I BRING YOU EVERY AFTERNOON? “

(I’m a DAMN BASTARD! I KNOW)


SALESLADY OF OTHER COMIC SHOP: “ WHAT SIOPAOS? YOU DON’T BRING US ANYTHING YOU CHEAPSKATE!!!!! “

FLIM: “ EXACTLY! CAUSE YOU DON’T GIVE ME DISCOUNTS! “

(DAMN BASTARD INDEED.)

SALESLADY OF OTHER COMIC SHOP: “ Are you getting it or what? “

FLIM: “ ON MY WAY! “

SALESLADY OF THE CATS: “ GAGO! (IDIOT OR SCUMBAG in the QUEEN’S LANGUAGE)

FLIM: “ At least I don’t sell it for a thousand pesos. AND TO MY OWN CUSTOMERS TOO! “

Took a jeep and headed for the other comic shop. The rain was pouring really hard and I was lucky to get a ride at all. Never thought that I would ever be glad to sit on a jeep again.Received a phone call from the better half. She told me that her dad was taking her home so I need not go back to the office. I can go TOY HUNTING without any time pressures.

Isn’t that nice?

Hit my target point at 7;00 in the PM.Asked for the comic immediately and did a quick scan for creases and other deformities. Funny thing was that when I buy comic books I was never the frizzy type. I just get what’s there, creases and folds galore. But this time it's different. This is the first comic book that I am to get that costs 1,000 pesos in the market and somehow I hoped that it's perfect. Which doesn’t really make much sense since Im just paying two hundred bucks for it. I don’t know, go figure!

Seems mint enough. And since I was feeling very generous I asked for the 2nd and 3rd issues as well. All cost me 600 bucks! Not bad! Couldnt resist telling the saleslady that the market price for it was now 1,000 pesos.

SALESLADY: " Well we dont take advantage of our own costumers. We qouted the price before and the price remains the same."

What a cool lady. Wish I can Blisterpack her and add to my collection of PERFECT MINT CONDITION HUMAN BEINGS!

Had a hard time going home because of the intensity of the rain showers. Somewhere out there the HOARDERS are trying hard to save the CAPTAIN America’s they hauled from the shops as their houses sank into oblivion.

They are being punished for their greed!! Only the faithful would be saved once the deluge abates. The chosen few who were BLISTER PACKED by heaven. To be opened fresh and new once the waters receded.

These thoughts made my home ride trip pleasant despite my being totally wet all over.Its good that I had the foresight of telling the saleslady to quadruple wrap the comics to prevent them from getting wet.

As I hid the 1,000 peso treasure book into my filing cabinet. I suddenly discovered much to my amazement that there was another copy of LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN VOLUME II Issue1. Its plastic wrappings still intact.


My Gosh! I’M A HOARDER TOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Camera cranes up and does a pan to the window, as the rain got harder. And camera fades out.

LAST SATURDAYS BLACK SATURDAY SHOOT

Woke up at 6: AM. And did all my bodily waste upkeep. ALANGUILAN would be pounding his fleshy fist on the front door anytime and I want to be fully clothed when he arrives. I don’t like the way he looks at me when Im just wearing a towel on my waist. Makes me think of convicts, bathrooms and slippery soap sliding all over the place.

ALANGUILAN arrives at 7:20, late as usual. I fear he is developing a STAR COMPLEX. Not to worry. Nothing that me and my trusty “MIJOLNER” TRIPOD couldn’t handle!

Arrived at BROADWAY CENTRUM to meet up with the STAN LEE OF THE PHILIPPINES for his role as b>ERICK’S BOSOMS MATE (Shorthand for gay lover)ED. (Notice how you can make a sitcom just using their names, ED & ERIK) we were listening to several WHO songs. It’s amazing how we both love this particular group.He keeps on insisting that I use a particular song for the soundtrack of the film. I told him that its ok if we just show the film here but we’d be in hot waters if we decide to take it out. Besides I don’t feel comfortable using it if its not cleared by the recording company.Worst comes to worst I’d do the musical score on my own. I’M A MEAN UKULELE PLAYER!

FLIM: “ We need to get the explosive props after the shoot. Do you still have energy to do it?"

ALANGUILAN: “ Of course I can do it. Besides its BUDGETT who will do most of the acting.”

I looked at him and had a funny thought. Is it possible that he is developing senility at an early age? This was Erik’s big moment. This is when he pours out everything that he ‘s kept inside. His concept of love, of idealized love. The “ love is not a plant that can be planted and replanted” speech. How can he forget that? Add insult to injury he wrote this scene himself!

FLIM: “ I don’t think you can go and look for a prop after the shot. You’d be emotionally drained.”

ALANGUILAN: “ I CAN DO IT! IF I CAN’T THEN YOU KEEP THE WRATH OF KHAN STAR TREK II SPECIAL EDITION DVDS! “

Well someone’s really cocky today. Must be a side effect of listening to THE WHO.

After nine songs of the WHO’s KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT I switched the disc to DON MCLEAN’S AMERICAN PIE. We’ve been waiting for an hour and the chances of STAN LEE coming are becoming more unlikely. Told ALIGUE that MR. TAN might have pulled a fast one on us.

ALIGE: “ I WONT SPEAK TO HIM EVER AGAIN if he doesn’t show up.”

FLIM: “ I’m sure that would break his heart.”


DON MCLEAN:

A long, long time ago I can still remember how that music used to make me smile and I knew if I had my chance that I could make those people dance and maybe they'd be happy for a while but February made me shiver with every paper I delivered, bad news on the door step, I couldn't take one more step, I can't remember if I cried when I read about his widowed bride but something touched me deep inside, the day, the music, died. So...

ALIGE: “ I don’t like this song. I find it disturbing.”

FLIM: “ THE FUCK’S THE MATTER WITH YOU? ITS DON MCLEAN!


DON MCLEAN:
Bye, bye Miss American Pie drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry an them good old' boys were drinking whiskey and rye singing this will be the day that I die, this will be the day that I die...Did you write the book of love and do you have faith in God above, if the bible tells you so, and do you believe in rock n' roll, can music save your mortal soul and can you teach me how to dance real slowly? Well I know that you're in love with him cuz I saw you dancing in the gym you both kicked off your shoes and I dig those rhythm and blues. I was a lonely teenage bronkin buck with a pink carnation and a pick up truck but I knew I was out of luck, the day, the music, died. I started singing...

ALIGE: “ Its an Evil song. Very sinister! I don’t like it! “

FLIM: “ WHAT? You like the WHO and their ear shattering music and instrument shattering finales but you can’t stand DON MCLEAN and a single acoustic guitar?”


DON MCLEAN:
Now for ten years we've been on our own and moss grows fat on a rollin stone but that's not how it used to be, when the jester sang for the king and queen in a coat he borrowed from James Dean and a voice that came from you and me, oh and while the king was looking down, the jester stole his thorny crown the courtroom was adjourned, no verdict was returned, and while Lenin read a book on Marx, the quartet practiced in the park and we sang dirges in the dark, the day, the music, died. We were singing...


ALIGIE: DON MCLEAN sold his soul to the devil so that he can make just that one song! His most popular song to date!

FLIM: “ WHAT? AMERICAN PIE? No! He made a lot of great songs. VINCENT, CASTLES IN THE AIR, WINTER WOOD

ALIGIE: “ Not as good or as popular as AMERICAN PIE. He sold his soul to the devil to make that song. Listen to the lyrics! His words are evil! Sinister! I don’t like it! “


FLIM: “ The song is an allegory about BOB DYLAN versus ELVIS PRESLEY and the whole musical revolution thing! You’re not supposed to take it word for word! “


DON MCLEAN:

Oh and there we were all in one place, a generation lost in space with no time left to start again, so come on, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack Flash sat on a candle stick because fire is the devils only friend, oh and as I watched him on the stage, my hands were clinched in fists of rage, no angel born in hell could break that Satan’s spell and as the planes climbed high into the night to light the sacrificial right I saw Satan laughing with delight, the day, the music, died. He was singing...

ALIGE: “ SEE! SEE! IT’S GETTING WEIRDER NOW! NOW SATAN’S MENTIONED "

FLIM: “ Brother! Where the fuck is MR. TAN? I WANT TO SHOOT NOW BEFORE YOU DRIVE ME BATTY!!!!!”


DON MCLEAN:

Bye, bye Miss American Pie drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry an them good old' boys were drinking whiskey and rye singing this will be the day that I die, this will be the day that I die.

ALIGE: “ Listen to this last part…LISTEN!!!!!! "

DON MCLEAN:
I met a girl who sang the blues and I asked her for some happy news but she just smiled and turned away, I went down to the sacred store where I'd heard the music years before but the man there said the music wouldn't play and in the streets the children screamed,

FLIM: “ FUCK! I haven’t really looked at it from that perspective. It does sound very atmospheric.”

DON MCLEAN:

The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed but not a word was spoken, the church bells all were broken and the three men I admire most, the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost, they caught the last train for the coast, the day, the music, died, and they were singing...

ALIGE: “ SEE? Even GOD QUITS!!!! HE PACKS UP AND RUNS!!!!!IT’S APOCALYPTICAL. THE END OF THE WORLD!”

I then stared at the disc cover of DON MCLEAN. All innocent and with a harmless guitar. IT’S A FUCKING ACOUSTIC GUITAR FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! It doesn’t even use up electricity so how can it be…could it?

Then again there’s the fiddle, which is associated as the devil’s instrument, and it isn’t plugged on anything!

FLIM: “ How come you don’t get weirded over when OOZY OSBORNE OR BLACK SABBATH sing about DEMONIC POSSESSION AND SLAYINGS AND DISMEMBERMENTS? “

ALIGE: “ That’s what you expect from those guys! All electrical feedback and demonic lyrics! They shout and curse and run around with their black tongs. But not with DON MCLEAN and his mellow songs. When he sings about devils…it’s really creepy.”


FLIM: ”Let me guess…you’re going to talk about LED ZEPPELIN next and STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN! “

ALIGE: “ STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!! I played that part, “ there are two paths you can choose by in the long run” IT SAYS “ SWEET SATAN! “ LED ZEP is another group that sold their soul to the devil just to gain success.”

FLIM: “ HOW ABOUT SELLING YOUR SOUL IN EXCHANGE FOR A FLUID HEAD TRIPOD INSTEAD OF THIS COAT HANGER WE’VE BEEN USING!!!!”

ALIGE: “ Then there’s THE EAGLES AND “ HOTEL CALIFORNIA” Did you know that the hotel is meant to represent HELL?

My mind started to drift away and I had an idea for another episode of SICK SUPER HERO STORIES. I told ALANGUILAN about it and he said that it was cool. After I shoot the TRENCH COAT episode!

ALIGE: “ All of them, DON MCLEAN, LED ZEP AND THE EAGLES sold their souls to the devil to make just one big hit! “

FLIM: “ what about WHITNEY HOUSTON? BRITTNEY SPEARS… YOUR PERSONAL FAVORITE, BRUCE SPRING STEEN? “

ALIGE: BRUCE IS A FULL BLOODED AMERICAN! HE’S NO DEVIL WORSHIPPER!!!!”

FLIM: “ Last I heard so was ANTON LAVEY.LOOK! I’LL CHANGE THE DISC! I’ll BRING BACK THE WHO! OK? “

Made a mental note to do some research on the allegorical meanings MCLEAN put on AMERICAN PIE and will enlighten my provincial friend from LAGUNA about it’s real meanings!

An hour and a half later. There was still no sign of MR. TAN. I played BABA O RILEY for the seventh time. The musical loop doesn’t seem to bother the provincial in the back.I don’t know what thoughts were keeping him entertained but I was fantasizing on the different ways I can skewer MR. TAN with MJOLNIR!

After an hour and forty-five minutes of waiting, MR. TAN wobbles into the scene. Mutters a cursory apology and for a second I was in a quandary, shake his hand or STRIKE FOR THE GOD OF THUNDER! Well… I’ll just make him do take 90! That’s the best revenge!

We drive to the location, which is just a few blocks away. An age-old garage. I choose that location because the roof, which was made of, galvanized iron and had dozens of holes on them. And when the sun shone, shafts of light would come leaking thru. Unfortunately it was raining. It was a cloudy day. HOW TYPICAL!

Set up the cam and the tripod and the sound equipment. Gerry started pacing back and forth and MR. TAN twiddled his thumb and fondled his phone. I planned the shots and did three warm up takes.Asked Alanguilan to support my back as I dollied backwards. I needed a counter pressure against my backward motion to even up the speed bumps of this manual dolly move.

Was able to get a useable footage after take 7. But it wasn’t that great. We could get better takes. It came at take 20. Then a new problem arrived.

A MYNA bird started talking and chatting in the background. It must have been sleeping all that time and ALANGUILAN’s squeaky voiced awoke the sleeping giant!It would rant and raved in the background and we can’t get rid of it because the owner of the house was adamant about the bird staying where it is. Great! I started chanting, “ RED RUM! RED RUM! “ While loading the cam and adjusting my aperture opening.

A few minutes later the Bird starts yelling, “ RED RUM! RED RUM!”

I did take after take after take and the damn bird wont stop yakking!! Hmmmmm WHAT THE HELL! Did a long dolly shot of MR. TAN looking for ERIK, made him stop and look at the bird and establish it’s presence. He exits frame and I dolly towards the bird. I have a great idea for a plot device. IF HE WONT SHUT UP THEN HE’D STAR IN THE MOVIE AS WELL! I’ll use him as an important element in the scene.


Took a lot of master shots for the ED/ ERIK confrontation. Had ERIK walking around, Ed walking around. ERIK kneeling and having him move around as if he’s standing and moving around. ED kneeling and swaying, like he’s standing and swaying.


After the 30th take, they were warmed up and ready for the CRUCIAL FACE REGISTRATION EMOTIONAL IMPRINTS. What they call CLOSE-UPS.

On the onset I was afraid that this would look and sound like your typical average LOCAL TV SOAP thing with one character overreacting and the other just standing around doing nothing, but keeping his hands in his pockets. So I had them do something with their hands and with their feet that had nothing to do with what they were saying.I remember how my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. She was chewing on a bite of siomai and trying to catch the next one with chopsticks she didn’t know how to use.


The Emotional scenes were even punctuated by the cries of the MYNA bird in the background.

Alanguilan had trouble with some of the lines. That’s funny He wrote this scene himself. How could a writer forget his lines? It’s like a director forgetting his shots.SO I asked MR. TAN to bring the script up real close to ALANGUILAN ‘s face. I was doing this as a CLOSE-UP so the viewers can’t see that he’s actually reading lines from his own script!

Then the sky became darker. Obscuring the remaining light on ALANGUILAN’s face
Told Mr. TAN to bring the script paper even closer. Might as well turn it into fill light. The wonders of ultra-low budget filmmaking never ceases to amaze me.

Then as if we didn’t have enough problems, the screaming MYNA BIRD was joined by a chicken from hell! It flapped and crowed and did what chickens normally do. But this one did it louder! I wondered what sin I have committed against the avian kind that they should be sabotaging the shoot! I seemed to recall that my favorite animal to eat was the shrimp so…

My eyes fell on ALANGUILAN!

THAT’S IT! The birds smell the carrion dead of their kind festering within the abominable abdomen of the ALANGUILAN.They know it in their blood that they are in the presence of the DEVOURER OF THE POULTRY RACE! THE GALACTUS OF HEN HOUSES! THE OMEGA OF EGGS BOTH SOFT AND HARD BOILED!

They were not crying mindlessly! They were sending a WAR CRY! Somewhere in the outskirts of New Manila, they are gathering. Thousands of runaway chickens and stray birds will come down on us like what ALFRED HITCHCOCK foresaw decades ago.

THEY WANT VENGEANCE!!!!! For all the fried, sautéed, broiled, barbequed, fricasseed, shushied chickens He consumed in this lifetime and the last!!!!

Told ALANGUILAN about it. He doesn’t seem worried. And why should I too? He’ll just eat them all to death with one gulp.

Thirty minutes later we were still in one piece and no flying horde was on the horizon.

Suddenly there was voice singing a libretto!

THAT’S IT! I can take the MYNA BIRD! And the CHICKEN! BUT I CANT TAKE
THE LIBRETTO! NOT ANYMORE! IT’S TOO MUCH!

I had enough very good shoots. But I wanted more. Told them that it was a pack up and that we would shoot the fight scene next week. Also informed Alanguilan that I finally got his OSCAR CLIP!

We folded our equipments and stuff at the back of the car. Found out thru the driver that the owner of the house like to listen to OPERA while she did her daily laps in the pool.That was very cinematic. I like that! Probably I’d shoot some footage of that one of these days.

We headed for the nearest PERSIAN restaurant. After enduring 45 minutes of WILSON street traffic we found the restaurant closed for lunch. I forgot that they opened in the afternoons. They’re probably too busy building bombs in the morning to cater to hungry costumers. So we just went to LECHING.

After Lunch. I went to the toyshops to check out the CAPTAIN AMERICA MARVEL LEGENDS figure. I kept seeing this everywhere a few months ago. Told myself that I would get it when I felt like it. Now is the time. AND IT’S GONE!!!!!!!!!!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY OH WHY DIDN’T I GET IT BEFORE?? Now it’s GONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Found out that a rich bastard toy collector bought everything in hordes!!!!!! He buys multiple copies of the same thing and then stocks them up and then jacks the price to HIGH HEAVENS!!!! Nifty business plan but totally against the laws of NATURE!Hope the toys fall over him and BLISTER PACKS HIM TO DEATH!!!!!

It was nearing 5 when MR. TAN left ALANGUILAN and me in our favorite corner on SATURDAY shoots.

FLIM: “ So you up for the explosive kits search thru the malls? “

ALANGUILAN: “ I have to go and help someone. “

FLIM: “ Oh…ok. Fine performance. Great OSCAR CLIP. See you next Saturday.”

He grunts something unintelligible and saunters away with hands in the pocket in the BEST FPJ TRADITION.

FLIM: “ Oh by the way…THANKS FOR THE WRATH OF KHAN DVD! IT’S GOING TO OCCUPY A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY COLLECTION. “

He looks at me and there was indignant anger in his eyes but suddenly his brain processes the information. And then it retrieves the much-needed memmory chunck of the bet we made earlier. AS soon as his saurian brain processed this data ,his shoulders then sagged and he nodded in a defeated manner.

Of course I wont take it seriously. Of course I’d return the DVD. I wasn’t about to rob my actor with an OLIVERIAN talent, of his most priced possession. Not after giving a performance that placed a tear in the MYNA bird’s unrepentant eye. Of course not.
But then again………

Last tuesday ,ALANGUILAN passed by early in the morning. Talk about five detestable things before breakfast. Mumbled something about it being a bad day. YOU TELL ME! My day has barely begun and a MAJOR SPOILER arrives! We were supposed to go shopping for high explosive weapons but he changes it at the last minute because his BRIDE TO BE called and told him that he needs to haul his ass back to Laguna for some pre-wedding pep talk courtesy of the friendly neighborhood priest. Bid him good luck and reminded him that his ass belongs to me on SATURDAY FOR the ERICK AND ED CONFRONTATION SCENE.

Scanned the TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE SPECIAL EDITION DVD that I bought a day ago. Saw this when I was a kid and loved it! For me this was the start of the revisionist era of the superheroes. I remember the TV show as kid’s stuff. No one really got killed. But in the movie, OPTIMUS PRIME gets creamed ten minutes after the opening credits went up. And the list of robot casualties growing by the minute! Even the loveable STAR SCREAM gets iced!!! Watched it with a badly dubbed copy (maybe seventh generation tape to tape transfer) for years. This was the first time I ‘m watching it again. BUT THIS TIME, I’ve got a 5.1 surround track. DAMN WHAT AN INCREDIBLE MOVIE!

Of course the animation is dated since this was done with the traditional handmade cell But I’d take this movie anytime compared to the visually glossy but character dead animated films that grow by clusters, each year like FINAL FANTASY& TITAN AE.And what an awesome voice cast the movie boasts. You got ERIC IDLE (MONTY PYTHON) JUDD NELSON (JOHN HUGHES ALUMNUS) SCATMAN COTHERS(THE SHINING) LEONARDO NIMOY >(STAR TREK) and the legendary ORSON WELLES (CITIZEN KANE, THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS, MACBETH,) I don’t know whether to feel pity for the great man who is responsible for turning an entire generation into WANABE FILMMAKERS, ending his career, dubbing voices for a cartoon or be exhilarated by the sheer scope of his talents. Finally I gave up and just decided to be amazed at the wide diversity of his work. From his first film, the groundbreaking KANE to the TRANSFORMERS MOVIE, which I heard, was his last film work, Orson Welles never fails to surprise.

Seeing HOT ROD and CUP and SPIKE and ULTRA MAGNUS going after MEGATRON brings back memories of the 80s. How I miss it. There was the new wave music blaring from the radio. The smell of Industrial strength styling gels like DEP permeating the air while a herd of AQUA NET drenched heads bobbing in unison in school auditoriums. Men and boys preen around with LACOSTE long backs, their shirttails trailing behind them. The women strut their stuff with football Armour like pads and crotch hugging leggings. ESPADRILLES in pastel colors walk the earth while there upscale cousin, THE PENNY LOAFERS are worn without any socks. Exposing the ugly veins of those, vain enough to try! The disenchanted however opted for more totalitarian footwear, THE DMS (DOC MARTENS) or SHELLY’S of LONDON.These booths are not made for walking. THEY’RE MADE FOR MAIMING!HOW WONDERFUL!

The 80’s also saw the emergence of the first DUNKIN DONUT shop and I discovered the wonderful taste of BAVARIAN CRÈME. Then there was THE LECHON MANOKthat shocked my sensibilities as I cried,’ ONLY PIGS DESERVED TO BE CALLED LECHON! THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING!” Goes to show how little I knew at the time.

I remember how lean the pickings on SCIENCE FICTION AND FANTASY FLICKS were. From time to time they would come but in increments of one. Out of a sea of BURT REYNOLDS vehicles like SHARKEY’S MACHINE, a DRAGONSLAYER would rise and then would be engulfed by another wave of tasteless films. Then 1983 came whizzing by and in one amazing week, the movie houses opened, STAR TREK THE WRATH OF KHAN, ROAD WARRIOR: MAD MAX2, BLADE RUNNER and CONAN THE BARBARIAN!

I was so enthusiastic that I didn’t really listened to my teacher while he talked about VAN GOUGH and his pathetic obsession with earwax. I was counting the minutes when I can jump into the bus that will take me to the REMAR CINERAMA theater and be teleported to space, hauled into a runaway truck, or be hunted by runners, anything just not here in this mundane world!

There was even a moment where I had to choose which way to go. REMAR THEATER and THE WRATH OF KHAN or QUEZON 2 and BLADE RUNNER. Eventually The RICHARDO MONTALBAN FAN in me won out and I paid my ticket, telling myself that there would be plenty of time to watch HARRISON FORD track synthetic humans.

That was one hell of a week. I satiated my lust for the fantastique in three days. Then I went back for repeated viewings! It never did happen again. The simultaneous releases. And it never will. I should have checked the planetary alignments to see what cosmic force caused this to happen. But I was too excited to check the schedules for the next day screenings to even bother. Ahh well.


Now SCI-FI and FANTASY are legit genres in Hollywood. They release tons and tons of the stuff. But sadly it doesn’t have the KICK IN THE FACE RAUNCHINESS of the movies done years ago. How sad.

And anyone who tells me EVENT HORIZON IS A GOOD MOVIE should be WEARING A HELMET!





My conceptual drawing of TRENCHCOAT,the hero in my first story.
Did it on the paint pogram that comes with any microsoft drive, just to give me an idea of how the character would look like.I already talked to someone who would do the role.He's perfect for the part.Now its only a matter of getting my weapons and ammo!!!!!

This is the title of my new film. The one I'll be doing in between shooting WASTED THE MOVIE.Its going to be fun doing shorts again.Got ALANGUILAN to commit writing one story.Already finished mine.