Yesterday was TOY HUNT DAY. Grabbed my trusty battered Indiana Jones like all purpose bag and my comfy motorcycle booths. Was supposed to put on my ragged jeans. When the phone rang and a client wanted to meet on a special project he was planning.So nix the work threads for some cool cotton wool and polo. Was gunning the STEALTH FIGHTER’s engine. Hadn’t used it for almost a week. There’s nothing like a cool naked bike for maximum mobility. Then another popper. Me better half’s car was rammed by an insensitive taxi driver and she has no means of locomotion. No prob I told her she can just backride with me and I’d drop her in her office. She tells me that she refuses to ride a motorcycle because she’s afraid of dying.

FLIM: “ EVERYBODY DIES!!!!! IN A MYRIAD HORRIBLE WAYS. AT LEAST ON A BIKE YOUR LAST FEW MINUTES WOULD BE EXCITING! “

She just shook her head and told me she’d rather take the jeep.

FLIM: “ THE FUCKING JEEP????? THE REASON WHY I BOUGHT A BIKE IS SO I WONT HAVE TO TAKE THE FUCKING JEEP!!!!!I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO STANDING IN THE CORNER WHILE EVERYBODY BLOWS SMOKE ON YOUR FACE!!! PUSHING AND SHOVING EACH OTHER SO YOU CAN PACK YOURSELVES LIKE ANCHOVIES IN A TIN CAN. THEN THERE’S THE SWEATY UNDERARMS OF YOUR CO-PASSENGER RUBBING AGAINST YOUR NEWLY IRONED SHIRT AND THE BAD SMELL OSMOSIS THAT OCCURS WHILE YOU SIT THERE AND MARINATE IN EACH OTHER’S SAUCES!”


She just shook her head and said, “ No.”


FLIM: “ FINE! SUIT YOURSELF. TAKE THE JEEP. HAVE FUN! IM RIDING IN STYLE. SEE YOU AT THE FINISH LINE.”

She tells me that she doesn’t know which jeep to choose. And even if I told her, she doesn’t know from which point would she go down and what other jeep would she ride since it’s a four-jeep combination ride to the office.

FLIM: “ THAT’S WHY! You’re not a professional Jeepney rider. For you this is a LETS HAVE AN ADVENTURE AND RIDE THE JEEP DAY. You have not ridden a jeep in your life have you? WELL I HAD AND I DON’T LIKE IT! I ONLY USE A JEEP WHEN THERE’S AN EMERGENCY. LIKE WHEN IT RAINS! “

She shakes her head and informs me that she did take the jeep, thrice at that. But it’s a simple ride from one destination to the next. Not the complicated RUBIX CUBE routes that I know so well.

FLIM: “ SO IN SHORT I HAVE TO RIDE THE JEEP SO I CAN ESCORT YOU TO THE OFFICE RIGHT? AND AFTER THAT I HAVE TO RIDE THE STUPID JEEP TO THE CLIENT MEETING AND THEN TO MY TOYHUNT,THEN BACK TO PICK YOU UP? “


She nods her head.

FLIM: “ YOU REALIZE OF COURSE THAT MY TOY HUNTING EXPEDITION WILL TAKE ME ALL OVER MANILA, MAKATI, GREEN HILLS AND MEGA MALL? “


She nods again.

FLIM: “ ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! CURSES! CURSES! NOT THE JEEP! NOT THE DAMN BLOODY JEEPS!NOOOOOOOOOO ”

She went up the house to prepare for work. And I was left all alone with my beautiful BLACK STEALTH FIGHTER. Her magnificent engine going on all four guns. The smooth and semi-silent custom pipe purring like perfection.

I caressed her gleaming tank.

FLIM: “ Wasn’t meant to be MON CHERIE.”

Quickly turned it off and prepared myself for JEEPNEY HELL DAY

And everything transpired exactly as I foreseen it. We stood in the corner and waited for 45 minutes for a Jeep that wasn’t full. And when we did get one. There was only ONE PAIR BUTTOCKS SEAT SPACING left. I had TO MAKE “ SABIT! “ Or as my friend told me,’ RIDE SHOTGUN! “

Then there’s the traffic. Damn it’s the slow moving type that really gets to me. It stops and then moves slowly and then stops again. Sometimes I wont even get back up. Id just move alongside it like a jealous lover. DAMN I HATE THIS!!!!!!!There was a moment that I thought about sitting down on the jeepney floor. But there were spit marks all over the place! WHAT A BUNCH OF BARBARIANS! THESE PEOPLE ARE!

Finally we reached drop point NUMBAH1. Flexing my over strained muscles I scanned for the next SARDINE CAN with tacky designs.

This time it came immediately but once again…only 1 BUTTOCKS PAIR SEAT SPACING was available.

She tells me that she has many papers to sign and the bank closes at three.

BLOODY TYPICAL! WHY DOESN’T SOMEBODY JUST SHOOT ME AND GET THIS DONE WITH!

At the third drop point I was able to get us a 2 BUTTOCKS PAIR SEATING SPACE.

But I was beside a fat guy who perspired heavily and smelled like he took a bath during the last oil price increase. GREAT! Give it a few more minutes and you wont be able to smell us apart. I can only imagine how his underwear feels.

Finally reached her office. I was mentally destroyed by then. My polo shirt is a map of sweaty continents and a carrier ship of the underarm stench of FAT GUY.

She thanks me and tells me to pick her up at 5.

Sounds like a take out order. If only it was that simple.

Now I have to take a Jeep or a bus to client’s building. I HATE THIS! Could have taken a cab. BUT WHAT THE HELL. Im going to take the jeep with the better half later .If I’m going to suffer might as well suffer all the way! No need to pamper one’s self in between bouts of suffering.

Met him at 1:55.

Made a point to sit as far away as possible so FAT BOY STENCH doesn’t register to client’s face.

Revisions are asked and some directorial inputs are welcomed. Will fax revised boards two days from now.


Took the bus to go to GALLERIA. Nothing much happened except the usual “step on your toes and be pushed by the other passengers on the way out” routine

Went to a Toyshop on the top floor and discovered a CAPTAIN AMERICA MARVEL LEGENDS ACTION FIGURE. Selling for P 1,700!!!!!!

FLIM: “ WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? CAP USED TO SELL FOR 349? YOUR PRICES ARE OUTRAGEOUS! I SHOULD REPORT YOU TO THE BOARD OF CONSUMERS!!!!! “

SALESLADY: “ Ahhh that’s not our product. Someone just consigned it to us. “

My eyes squinted and I gave her a THERMAL GLARE.

FLIM: “ WHAT IS HIS NAME? “

This was the moment I have been waiting for. Someone posted in the TOY SITE that there was a member who reads all the post of members who discover toys and their location and this SHITHEAD goes over and BUYS AND HOARDS EVERYTHING! Not only that., this JACKASS even had the audacity to post remarks that are downright insulting to the people who’s information he just used. SO NOW I WANT A NAME!

FLIM: “ WHAT’S HIS NAME? “

Sales girl look flustered.

SALESGIRL: “ Michael daw…. MICHAEL CORLEONE.”

FLIM: “ Really? “

Was ready for a Chinese name because that is who all the toy collectors are suspecting but never in a million years did I expect to hear that name!

Using a Nom de plume. BAH! The Jackass doesn’t even have the balls to use his real unchristian name. Unless by some freak of nature that it’s really his name.

FLIM: “ Suits him well! A GANGSTERS NAME FOR A GANGSTERS PROFESSION! “

A kid came in behind me and looked at the toys. His eyes were filled with excitement and when his innocent gaze fell upon CAPTAIN AMERICA and the INCREDIBLE HULK they lost their glint. (Or maybe I just thought that the glint was lost, anyway)

He then went to another section of the shop. Probably looking for something that he can afford with his lunch allowance.

FLIM: “ SEE THAT? THESE FUCKING HOARDERS ARE STEALING FROM PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO COLLECT TOYS OF CHILDHOOD ICONS WE GREW UP WITH! THEY STEAL FROM KIDS WHO SAVE UP THEIR ALLOWANCE AND EVEN GO HUNGRY SO THAT THEY CAN BUY WITH THEIR TINY CUTE HANDS THEIR HEROES OF PLASTIC AND FAKE CHROMES!”


SALESLADY: “ Oh not that kid. He’s very rich. He buys ten thousand pesos worth of toys every month. He doesn’t like MARVEL TOYS. He’s into ROBOTS! “

FLIM: “ WELL IM NOT TALKING ABOUT HIM!!! I’M TALKING ABOUT ME WHEN I WAS A CHILD!!!!!”

I adjusted my collar and left the shop but not without having the final say.

FLIM: “ TELL MR. CORLEONE that there is a new batch of CAPTAIN AMERICA’S coming next week. AND THEY’RE GOING TO BE SOLD AT THE ORIGINAL PRICE! 350 FUCKING PESOS! “

I was telling the truth. The toyshop I was a regular costumer from, told me not to buy the black market prices for these toys because they will be available soon. The sudden up price was created by this bunch of FUCKING HOARDERS who think that they can double the market value of the said toy just by the sheer fact that they obliterated it from the shelves! WELL FUCK THEM! AND THEIR FUCKING TOYS!”

Arrived at Green hills at 4:30.By Jeep again of course! Strangely I forgot the inconvenience of riding it when I was consumed by the indignant fury I nurtured against the HOARDERS!

Reached SHOPS VILLE and there was THE INCREDIBLE HULK and IRON MAN from SERIES 1 and THE THING from series 2. Seems that no one wanted the THING Action figure because everywhere I go, I see it! No wonder BEN GRIM is so grouchy! At least the INCREDIBLE HULK was being sold for the original 350 pesos. Even when I informed the owner that I saw the HULK at Robinson’s at 1,500. He said that they don’t do that kind of thing!

Cool!

Well at least I wasn’t going home empty handed. I got THE HULK. Wasn’t really a fan of his but I did like the theme song he had.

‘ WHEN BRUCE BANNER WAS EXPOSED TO GAMMA RAYS, TURNS INTO THE HULK…”

Went to CATS COMIC SHOP to take a look-see. Imagine my eyeballs roll up when I saw a copy of THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN VOL: 2 ISSUE1With a price tag of P 1,000


FLIM: “ IS THIS FOR REAL? “

SALESLADY: “ Price increased.”

FLIM: “ Whose selling this? CONSIGNMENT? “

SALESLADY: ” Nope. It’s the owner’s copy. “

I then remembered that I had my copy reserved in another shop. I felt like gagging! I love LEAGUE. Collected the first series because a friend so generously let me buy his issue no.1 at a normal price. Which inspired me to get the following issues.

Suddenly CAPTAIN AMERICA doesn’t seem so important. My mind was racing with lightning speed calculations. I immediately called the other comic shop.

SALESLADY OF OTHER COMIC SHOP: “ Yes! You’re copy is still here and if you don’t get it. Im selling it!”

FLIM: “ HOW MUCH? “

I crossed my fingers and clench my incisors!

A few minutes of "fingers tapping a calculator" sound and.

SALESLADY OF OTHER COMIC SHOP: “ 200 PESOS.”

FLIM: “ DAMN EXPENSIVE! DON’T I GET A DISCOUNT FOR THE AMOUNT OF SIOPAOS I BRING YOU EVERY AFTERNOON? “

(I’m a DAMN BASTARD! I KNOW)


SALESLADY OF OTHER COMIC SHOP: “ WHAT SIOPAOS? YOU DON’T BRING US ANYTHING YOU CHEAPSKATE!!!!! “

FLIM: “ EXACTLY! CAUSE YOU DON’T GIVE ME DISCOUNTS! “

(DAMN BASTARD INDEED.)

SALESLADY OF OTHER COMIC SHOP: “ Are you getting it or what? “

FLIM: “ ON MY WAY! “

SALESLADY OF THE CATS: “ GAGO! (IDIOT OR SCUMBAG in the QUEEN’S LANGUAGE)

FLIM: “ At least I don’t sell it for a thousand pesos. AND TO MY OWN CUSTOMERS TOO! “

Took a jeep and headed for the other comic shop. The rain was pouring really hard and I was lucky to get a ride at all. Never thought that I would ever be glad to sit on a jeep again.Received a phone call from the better half. She told me that her dad was taking her home so I need not go back to the office. I can go TOY HUNTING without any time pressures.

Isn’t that nice?

Hit my target point at 7;00 in the PM.Asked for the comic immediately and did a quick scan for creases and other deformities. Funny thing was that when I buy comic books I was never the frizzy type. I just get what’s there, creases and folds galore. But this time it's different. This is the first comic book that I am to get that costs 1,000 pesos in the market and somehow I hoped that it's perfect. Which doesn’t really make much sense since Im just paying two hundred bucks for it. I don’t know, go figure!

Seems mint enough. And since I was feeling very generous I asked for the 2nd and 3rd issues as well. All cost me 600 bucks! Not bad! Couldnt resist telling the saleslady that the market price for it was now 1,000 pesos.

SALESLADY: " Well we dont take advantage of our own costumers. We qouted the price before and the price remains the same."

What a cool lady. Wish I can Blisterpack her and add to my collection of PERFECT MINT CONDITION HUMAN BEINGS!

Had a hard time going home because of the intensity of the rain showers. Somewhere out there the HOARDERS are trying hard to save the CAPTAIN America’s they hauled from the shops as their houses sank into oblivion.

They are being punished for their greed!! Only the faithful would be saved once the deluge abates. The chosen few who were BLISTER PACKED by heaven. To be opened fresh and new once the waters receded.

These thoughts made my home ride trip pleasant despite my being totally wet all over.Its good that I had the foresight of telling the saleslady to quadruple wrap the comics to prevent them from getting wet.

As I hid the 1,000 peso treasure book into my filing cabinet. I suddenly discovered much to my amazement that there was another copy of LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN VOLUME II Issue1. Its plastic wrappings still intact.


My Gosh! I’M A HOARDER TOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Camera cranes up and does a pan to the window, as the rain got harder. And camera fades out.