QUARTER GIVEN-IV

‘ I thought I was poisoned? “

The devil fondled his horn and looked at me pensively. “ Before you were poisoned. She offered your death to the Demon, TALOS. It seems that your girl friend is a black witch adept.”

“ What can I say? I sure know how to pick em.” Did I say that out loud?

I then stamped my foot and said, “ So what? How can I avenge myself and why the hell are you so interested in helping me out? “

The room suddenly folded itself and my living room transformed into a yawning cave hole. There was a giant arch with stone heads adorning it with the words…

“ ABANDON YE ALL HOPE…”

“ Don’t believe that crock of shit! It’s just to scare off nosey tourist and stupid bystanders! “

We entered the door way and saw what seemed like a thousand feet drop. There was a brilliant flashing light at the bottom and a noise that sounded like a hundred voices singing some high school rhyme.

“ This is home! “ The devil sighed and he grabbed my arm as we plunged into infinity!

At the bottom was a someone who seemed like a doorman. He was around d twelve feet tall.

“ Where’s your tickets? “ He grumbled.

I scratched my head. “ Wait a minute I thought that HELL was open to everyone.”

“ YOU THOUGHT WRONG, FREAK! Its invitational “ His tail slapped my face.

“ He’s with me.” The devil inclined his neck to the left.

The doorman inspected the horns of the devil.” This is just a temporary pass. You used it up the last time.”

“ Well I was kinda busy. I’ll have a new one engraved as soon as I can.”

He grudgingly let us in. I never expected in a million years to see what I saw when I entered HELL. It was like a giant disco party. Flashing lights and flames leaping out from below. The sweating bodies of men and women as they danced and gyrated to the sounds of a rhythm that came from the center of the earth. Food and drinks flowed in abundance. Waiters were everywhere flapping their wings as they swerve refreshment upon refreshment.

“ Shocking isn’t it? No one’s really prepared for what HELL is. I tell you if everyone knew then there would be no contest. Up there…” the devil pointed with his tail, “ They live a very docile existence. Slow clouds scratching green mountains with their lazy fingertips and all that shit. One of the main activities they have is watching flowers bloom. I’m not kidding. But down here…down here it’s always a HOT TIME! “

Of course it being hell I saw millions of demons of all shapes and sizes. Some had four or more horns. Others have horns that touch the ceiling of the cavern. While others are littered with horns all over their bodies. I ask my companion why certain demons have certain horns.

“ Ughh. Don’t mind that. It’s a CASTE system. The bigger the horn, the more powerful the rank. Certain horns are given access to places that normal demons can’t even enter.
It’s like a key. Well to be precise certain doors here in HELL can be opened with the horn itself. And despite what you read, the horns are detachable. It’s useful when you’re on a mission of subterfuge. But be wary. You lose the horns. You lose your ticket to going back.”


One of the waiters landed beside me and said, “ Do you want a Whiff of BRIMSTONE?”

I nodded and he bowed his head. The tip of his horn almost upon my nostril. I looked at my companion and he urged me on. I then held the tip and snorted. It was like a punch in the face and my brain reeled.

“ Nasty bite. “ The devil caught me by the arm and led me into the center well.

I don’t know what I took but it made my toes tingle and I felt I was walking on naked bodies of pregnant women. When I looked down, I realized that I was, indeed walking on the naked bodies of pregnant women.

“ By the way you can stop alluding to me as the devil. My real name is ASOMODAS. I’m a PIT LORD of the SEVENTH CIRCLE.” My companion whispered into my ear.

I didn’t make any sign of understanding what he said. I was too busy concentrating on the swelling bellies below me.

“ Don’t mind them. They are the SELF ABORTING MOTHERS! They get off on this kind of things. Now do you see that big cavern to the left of the sea of white vapors? That’s the INFERNAL records room. That’s our stop. I must retrieve your records and have them processed in the Well of despair. After that you’ll be given clearance to descended into the inner circle.”

I scratched my head, “ Meaning? “

Asomodas smiled, “ You’ll be given an audience to the house of INFERNAL LORDS where you make the deal.”

“ Is there going to be a long line? I hate long lines! “ I replied.

Asomodas just shook his head, “ Don’t we all.”

There was a small boat at the edge of the swelling belly landscape and an old man sat on the bow. He was nibbling on a piece of bone like a toothpick and as soon as he saw us he spat it out and wiped the grease from his hands.

“ You’re running low on recruits. If I were your employers I would have terminated your status and cast you back to being a lowly second class poltergeist.” He cackled.

Asomodas threw his head back, trying to impale the old man with one of his horns.

“ AW SHUT UP YOU FUCK! “ He then threw three pieces of gold coins into the old man’s foot and pointed towards the hall.

The old man smiled at me and started to push the staff that was immersed into the dark cold waters.

“ That’s Charon, the ferryman. Don’t mind him. He likes to verbally assault anyone within hearing distance. He hates me specially because I sunk his boat twenty five times in the past.” Asomodas whispered to me.

Charon grabbed his horns and slammed his knee into the demon’s face. “ By the way thanks for reminding me. That’s one I owe you!”

A scuffle started and within a few seconds the two combatants were tearing each other apart. The boat threatened to sink and I clutched the prow with both hands. I was afraid of drowning. That was what the fortuneteller told me I was going to die of. Much of my adult life was spent on dry land. Funny how everything turned out.

“GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF MY HORNS! YOU’LL TIP US OVER! “

“ I CAN SWIM SONNY BOY, HOW ABOUT YOU? ““

I HATE WATER! I HATE IT! “

“ I KNOW! “

I injected myself in between them, “ Stop it, both of you! We’re nearly there. What’s this really all about?”

Charon and Asomodos just looked at me. There was a momentary silence and then..they were both at it again. Soon we keeled over. I mean the entire boat keeled over. I never felt the kind of coldness that surrounded me as I hit the waters.