Should have posted this before the Bad day incidents. Actually I wrote this down on the morning of the bad day incident. A few hours before the lock up.

Vinny lent me some ENTERPRISE episodes in (UGHHHH) VCD technology. Now I can be given a momentary respite from watching VOYAGER RE-RUNS for at least two nights. Cecil loves VOYAGER so much that she watches the entire run and then re watches them again. EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!!!! She owns the TV at 11 and beyond. At least during that time I’m busy editing footages and dallies but when ever I hear that woman’s voice (Captain Janeway) I SIMPLY CANNOT CONTAIN MYSELF FROM laughing!

FLIM: “ HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT AN ENTIRE SHIP TO FOLLOW ORDERS FROM SOMEONE WHO SOUNDS LIKE A BUSTED TRUMPET STUCK IN D MINOR?”

CECILE: “ I like her better than PICARD or KIRK! “

FLIM: “ Eh? Sorry, There’s only one captain in the entire star trek universe and he’s
JAMES TIBERUIIIIIISSSSSSSS…KIRK! All the others are pale attempts to mimic the original! “

CECILE: “ Picard is the definitive Enterprise Captain. He’s dignified and serious! “

FLIM: “ Him? He thinks he’s in a Shakespearean play when it’s just STAR TREK. He’s campy! He’s low camp! Shatner’s high camp! “

CECILE: “ What’s the difference between high camp and low camp? “

FLIM: “ High camp is when you know what you’re doing isn’t serious. Low CAMP is when you delude yourself that it is! “

CECILE: “ Say whatever you want JANEWAY’s the best.”

FLIM: “ How can she BE THE BEST CAPTAIN WHEN SHE SPENDS THE ENTIRE SERIES TRYING TO FIND A WAY HOME? I WOULDN’T TRUST A CAPTAIN LIKE THAT. PROBABLY CAN’T EVEN READ A STAR CHART. SPENDS TOO MUCH OF HER TIME GOING TO THE STARSHIP BEAUTY PARLOR.”

CECILE: “It’s not her fault they were accidentally hurled into the other side of the galaxy. It’s a testament to her command abilities that she was able to take them home.”

FLIM: “ Yeah after four years. She should have just been elected STARSHIP SPACE HORN. “ HONK! HONK! TUBAK! FULL THRUSTERS!, hehehe.”

CECILE: “ Be quiet Im watching I can’t understand what she’s saying.”

FLIM: “ You’ve seen this at least four times. Sheezz.”

CECILE: “ How many times have you seen WRATH OF KHAN?”

FLIM: “ OHHH WRATH OF KHAN is different it’s a classic! OH yeah! “ I DON’T NEED TO KILL YOU! I HAVE HURT YOU! AND I’LL CONTINUE HURTING YOU! I’LL LEAVE YOU AS YOU LEFT HER…BURIED ALIVE! ALLLLLIVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! KAHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!”

CECILE: “ Now that’s low camp! “

I switch back to editing. A few toggles t the left and click of the mouse on the footage and…

JANEWAY: “ I DON’T RESPOND PROPERLY TO THREATS! “

FLIM: “ Will you please tone it down? It’s like the old scratch your nails on the blackboard surface trick! IT really gets to me! “

CECILE: “ Hehehehehehe.The only thing I don’t like in this series is TUBAK>”

FLIM: “ Ughhhh! I never thought I’d find an uglier VULCAN anywhere in the world. Look at those lips! They look like TRIBBLES without any fur. Why didn’t they just give him an afro hair cut so it would look very nostalgic.”?

CECILE: “ Then they wont see his pointed ears.”

FLIM: “ That ‘d would be cooler. He’d walk around and when introduced as a Vulcan. People wouldn’t believe him and he’d always have to pick his ears out from all those curls just to shut them up.”

CECILE:” That would be too tedious.”

FLIM: “ That’s real life.”

CECILE: “ STAR TREK is science fiction. Not reality”.

FLIM: “ Well how do you explain a BLACK VULCAN? Why even hire a SCOTTISH ENGINEER? What’s an African woman doing communication work. And why do you have a Russian helmsman? Its science fiction mirroring reality. ”

CECILE: “ She’s a better captain than PICARD.”

FLIM: “ A spring onion would be a better Captain than PICARD. At least JANEWAY’S horny most of the time. Probably even hornier than KIRK himself.”

CECILE: “ She is not! “

FLIM: “ She spends way too much time in the holodeck. Kissing and going down on holograms! She must have an electronic fetish. At least KIRK bangs sexy aliens and naïve crewwomen. Maybe in the old enterprise they have a lottery as to who gets to fuck Kirk on a Friday night.”

CECILE: “ Janeway doesn’t do holograms. She’s in it for the romance and the excitement. It’s the equivalent of reading Mills and boons! “

FLIM:” She does HOLOGRAMS because she practices safe sex. Which does not sit well with her being a star fleet captain. She doesn’t take risks. Unlike KIRK! “ Hey there’s this sexy three breasted ALTHURIAN. Im going to do her on the back! “

McCoy: “ GOD, NO, JIM! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT KIND OF SEXUAL DISEASE THOSE ALTHURIANS HAVE THEY HAVE MORE THAN TWO VAGINAS! “

JIM: “ Hell Bones! I must go where no man has gone before! Besides you’re there to cure me. Just put me in quarantine for a few days. Its just going to be like beggars canyon!”

FLIM: “ I mean what would a lot of sexy young things do when they’ve been in space for like years on end. And the men they have to choose from would either be Bones or SCOTTY who being a Scotsman might have an unusual supply of chivas regal therefore would never need the company of a young hot thing. Sulu would be banging Uhura and CHEKOV would just be too full of himself to even do anything. He’d say, “ The Russians invented 69 during the fall of Leningrad.”

CECILE: “ You forgot SPOCK.”

FLIM: “ NO ONE WOULD WANT TO BANG SPOCK. He’s going to be the guy the females would fantasize fucking. They’d lock themselves inside their antechambers and play with themselves but they wont dare do him. I mean you know they must have heard about the PONFAR episode. Would a girl like to go to bed with a man who can suddenly go berserk dn even try to kill his best friend and captain during the heat of passion? “

CESS: “ What about the other male crew member. The engineering assistants of Scotty? “

FLIM: “ OH PLEASE!!!!! They wont even have the strength to get it up. They’re too nervous. They’re all huddled in a corner and too busy thinking which of them would die in this episode. Although some guys would find that thought exciting. Maybe they’d just do themselves.”

CESS laughs and tells me Im a pervert.

FLIM: “ During times of stress homosexual behavior comes out from masculine men. Don’t look too far. Look at the SPARTANS. Its common knowledge that they had a GAY CADRE.

CESS: “ The Athenians were the known gays.”

FLIM: “ Hell all of GREEK DOM IS GAY! THE WHOLE HELLENIC CULTURE IS BASED ON YOUNG BOYS RUNNING AROUND AND THEIR ELDERS PURSUING THEM, TRYING TO LIFT THEIR TUNICS!

CESS: “ Wait I want to listen to this one.”

And as JANEWAY's fog hornish voice issued commands on the voyager bridge I wondered what separated Cess's infatuation with JANEWAY with my fondness for RICARDO MONTALBAN.