Tuesday, June 15, 2004

CESS: “ Lend me something to read.”

I gave her MOONSHADOW. After a few hours she returns it to me.

CESS: “ This is really bad. This is full of 80’s pretentious stuff.”

FLIM: “ Don’t you find it poignant? “

CESS: “ It’s trying too hard to be deep …I don’t like it. Now lend me another one.”

So I gave her WATCHMEN.

CESS: “ This is heavy and thick.”

FLIM: “ Try it.”

CESS: “ But why is it dilapidated? “

Cause I left it inside the car and that stupid driver of ours left the windows open one time it was raining. IT GOT SOAKED!HOW CAN ANYONE LEAVE THE CAR WINDOWS OPEN WHEN ITS RAINING????

CESS: “ Well its your fault. You shouldn’t have left it inside the car. The car becomes an oven in the afternoon!

The following day. She returns it to me.

CESS: “ This is good. I like it. I felt bad about ROSHARK. I love his character.”

I took out my pristine V FOR VENDETTA

FLIM: “ Here READ THIS. This is even better.”

CESS: “ Just leave it there. I’ll get back to it I want to see this week’s episode of SIX FEET UNDER.”

FLIM: “ I don’t know about leaving it around…

CESS: “ You’re being too paranoid again.”

An inner voice told me that it would be a bad idea. I’m not use to just leaving my good books lying around. But I thought I was just being too paranoid. So I left it on the bed and we watched that bad series.

Then we ate lunch . When I leafed thru the copy I was shocked to find giant creases on the cover and the pages were mangled!

I SCREAMED IN HORROR!!!!!

I confronted the maid.

FLIM: “ WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BOOK??? ”

MAID: “ I didn’t do anything.”

FLIM: “ This book was pristine when I left it in the room and after you cleaned up…. Look at this now?”

But of course she continues to deny it.

CESS: Maybe it was damaged before.”

FLIM: “ No it was pristine and mint when I took it out of the shelf. Look at the folded edges. She dropped it while cleaning. It WAS ON THE BED! NOW ITS ON THE DRAWER! SOMETHING HAPPENED IN BETWEEN ITS TRIP FROM THE BED TO THE DRAWER! SHE DROPPED IT AND SHE WONT EVEN ADMIT IT!”

CESS: “ Yes I think she dropped it. Look at the pages. This is where it fell! “

FLIM: “ The thing that gets to me is that she wont even admit it!”

CESS: “ It takes strength of character to do that. If she has that then she wont be a maid anymore. Unlike JING-JING the maid we had before.She returned a 500peso bill that she found downstairs …now that is strength of character! “

CESS:” Besides it’s just a crease. You shouldn’t freak out over it! “

FLIM: “ Werent you the one who admonished me about leaving WATCHMEN inside the car? “

CESS: “ Let me take a look at it. Its not so …yes it doesn’t look so good anymore! “

FLIM: “ LOOK AT THAT GIANT CREASE! RUNNING ON THE FRONT COVER!
It’s like you take care of it. You read it without opening the spine too much.
You know how difficult it is to do that. Then this IDIOT comes waltzing in
and within a space of a few minutes she destroys something that took you 12
years to take care of!

I fondled my mangled V FOR VENDETTA.

CESS: “ Don’t feel bad. I’ll buy you a new copy. It’s my father’s day gift to you.”

It was nice of her to do so. But we’re not just talking about another copy. I had this copy since 92. It has been my book for 12 years.

Then the words of an old teacher came back, “ THE UNIVERSE ABHORS PERFECTION.”

Indeed. The driver drenched my WATCHMEN copy. Now its wrinkled and stained.
Then that stupid maid mangled V FOR VENDETTA. One thing’s for sure domestic helps really hate ALAN MOORE.

FLIM: “ I’m not going to connect the cable tv downstairs anymore.”

For days now I have been trying to repair the cable connection to the tv downstairs so that the domestic help would have access to cable tv. It has been connected for such a long time now but recently the link kept slipping off. Me being a nice guy would go out of my way to try fixing the problem so that the DOMESTICS would have something to watch.

But now all the semblance of a nice guy quickly left me

FLIM: “ I’m not going to connect the cable tv downstairs anymore.”

Anyway when they didn’t have cable they just watch the shitty programs in channel 2. When we had the cable connected downstairs they still stuck on channel 2. But the reception became clearer. Well now…

IN THE WORDS OF THE IMMORTAL KHAN NOON SIGN ,

FLIM: “ LET THEM MEET STATIC! “



Saturday, June 12, 2004

DAY 4

Fever’s gone but still weak. Funny thing is the fish is now swimming belly up and quite vigorously.


DAY THREE

Cess is staring at the aquarium. Still coughing. General malaise. Cant even go to the gym because …joints hurt.

CESS: “ I hope the fish gets well.

FLIM: “ You can always get another fish. A prettier one than that! “

CESS: “ But Selina loves this fish. She even gave him a name, ELMO.”

Sunday, June 06, 2004

CESS: “Do you think this is natural? “

FLIM: “ No. I don’t think so.”

She is pointing at SELINA’s fish that was swimming belly up.

CESS: “ But look it’s swimming.’

FLIM: “ As far as I know only humans can do back strokes. When a fish does something like that it’s not good.”

CESS: “ Maybe it’s preparing to sleep. Have you seen how fish sleep? “

FLIM: “ It’s the middle of the day. What it was up all night partying? “

CESS: “ And look at the water level. It has decreased rapidly since yesterday.”

Selina’s YAYA, AIDA joins this bizarre conversation.

AIDA: “ MUM, that’s what they call evaporation.”

Then our cook DALIA butts in.

DALIA: “ NO! OF COURSE NOT. The water decreased because the fish drank it, what else? Do you see him getting out of the aquarium to get a drink of water? “

FLIM:” QUIET ALL OF YOU! I can’t think!

I look at the fish .By now he has stopped swimming around and is just belly up and breathing.

FLIM: “ Maybe he got the flu just like the rest of us.”

Ever since Friday, Selina was down with the flu and then Cess went down, Saturday morning. Then it was my turn today. My head is aching and I have a bad cold.

FLIM: “ Don’t you find it strange that the fish is sick just like the rest of us.”?

CESS: “ MY sister said that she owned that fish for years and it doesn’t get sick.”

FLIM: “ Well the Huns conquered ROME eventually! “

CESS: “ She said that we should give it some medicine.”

I look at her and scratch my head with wonder.

FILM: “ And how do you propose we do that? Its mouth isn’t that big for me to ram the pills inside.”

CESS: “ I think that fish has been over fed. Selina’s been feeding him twice a day when the normal rate is that you feed it every other day.”

I then look at the small culprit who is staring at the fish.

FLIM: “ Great going kid. You just killed your first pet at the age of three. With the rate you’re going I bet you’ll be up the clock tower at age six. And hiding at the grassy knoll at 10.”

CESS: “ We have to save the fish. That’s the baby’s favorite past time. Feeding her.’

FLIM: “ Didn’t we used to have more fish? “

CESS: “ We had four, that fish ate it all.”

There’s more drama today around the aquarium stand than there is on cable.

FLIM: “ Let bring it to a marine biologist and see what happens.”

CESS: “ He’s overfed and he’s sick from gluttony. My sister said that we should check the MEDICAL EMERGENCY book.”

FLIM: “ That’s for humans! Its not like he’s choking on a chicken bone or something.”

CESS: “ Maybe we should try pumping his stomach.”


Monday, May 31, 2004

The DVDs I ordered arrived yesterday. They weighed a ton! So after working for nine straight hours I decided to just pop one to relax. Got a couple of ice-cold beers and two packs of junk food. Forgot what brand it was, but they were very good. I leave the junk food acquisition to Cess. She’s a connoisseur when it comes to junk food, sadly I can’t say the same when it comes to real food.

I started with FUTURAMA, season1. I kept seeing it when I flipped channels but I don’t really find it interesting to catch my attention. By the end of the first episode, I’M NOW A CERTIFIED FUTURAMA FAN!

I CANT GET ENOUGH! I think its better than the SIMPSONS. I attribute it partly to the fact that I’m also a science fiction fan!

The sad part is that I only ordered season 1& 2. But after writing this I m getting the third season! Anyway. I just finished disc one, no need to get greedy! I’ll just watch it in my own good time, like drinking good wine! You swirl it around not like the 24 or the alias series where you gulp it down in one sitting!


I Submitted the pilot episode budget break down on the net. Funny how one does not need to get out of the house to get things down. I remember when my brother a computer tech, way before the term was fashionable, wont go to his office in IBM and would just send his reports thru the modem.

FLIM: “ How can you send those thick papers thru the phone line? Are you trying to mind fuck me again? “

JUN: “ It goes thru the modem. I can do anything I have to do in the office, right inside the house! I can write my proposals and business plans here, wearing my smelly shorts and naked if I wanted too. I don’t have to dress up and drive thru traffic and pay for bad cafeteria food. I can do everything in the house! Believe me this is the thing of the future.
You can send letters to any part of the world without making the trip to the postal office and being in line with 15 other people so you can buy stamps! And your letters get there as soon as you send them! Technology! “

FLIM: “ So what you’re telling me is that I can have my shoot film footages sent thru your modem and then processed in JAPAN? “

JUN: “ Oh…not that kind. That’s a thing! What I’m talking about is electronic data.’ For that you have to fall in line with those 15 other people and dropped in the traditional way!

Yesterday I was aghast to find out who the winners of the senatorial race where. Imagine TWO ACTORS WHOSE MOTHER AND FATHER ARE ALREADY IN THE SENATE, WON! I can already imagine their breakfast chatter in the morning.

SON SENATOR: “ Mom can you pass the fried rice! “

MOTHER SENATOR: “I’m not talking to you! You were supposed to back me up The liposuction embargo that I’m heading! “

SON SENATOR: “ Mom, I can’t do that. I need one this afternoon. What would happen if the doctor found out! She might take out something that doesn’t grow back! “

MOTHER SENATOR: “ I’m still not talking to you!”

SON SENATOR: “ Mom…come on… don’t be mad.”

MOTHER SENATOR: “ I nearly died when I delivered you. I would walk you to school every day even when my arthritis was killing me. Who SAVED UP ALL HER DAILY EARNINGS SO she can buy you that metal robot that came in 5 different pieces so you can put them all together and make one giant robot, WHO? WHO? “

SON SENATOR: “ ALLRIGHT! YOU HAVE MY VOTE! “
MOTHER SENATOR: “ That’s my son! Here’s your fried rice. And I cooked your favorite adobe along with it! Don’t forget to convince your best friend to join the embargo too. “

SON SENATOR: “ MOM! He has his own mind! He wont be swayed by me! “

MOTHER SENATOR: “ WELL YOU REMIND HIM, HOW MANY TIMES HE SLEPT OVER, HERE WHEN YOU WERE KIDS. ALSO REMIND HIM WHO IS HIS GODMOTHER! IN BIRTH AND IN HIS WEDDING! WHO GAVE HIM THAT BMW Z3? WHO? WHO? WHO? “

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

SAW TROY last week. It was a fun romp. The thing that really cracked me up was when I was leaving the theater. There was this guy in front of me and he saw someone he knew from the long line of people going in for the next showing.

GUY: “ Hey JOJO!

JOJO: “ HEY MAN. Was it good? “

GUY: “ Ye but BRAD PITT DIES! “

JOJO: “ You fuck! You just spoilt the movie for me.”

Hehehehe! These guys should host a local TV show. They’re a riot! Of course BRAD PITT DIES! He is ACHILLES. But then on second thought Jojo might be right. I mean the writer did bastardize the ILLIAD. MENEALUS dies at the hands of PARIS! BRIESES Then stabs AGAMEMMON on the jugular there by robbing CLYMESTRA and her lover of that small bathroom incident and her place in the tragic ridden stories of the ATRUES bloodline.

(A small list of altered plotlines.)

Paris survives and HELEN flees with the Trojan women.

ANDROMMACHE and her son escapes

In fact I was kind of disappointed that BRAD PITT died. If they were going to change the story that much then they should have gone for broke.

ACHILLES instead of trying to find his girlfriend would rescue PRIAM from the psychotic AGAMEMMON (They did share a special moment which was more memorable than the one with the priestess of APOLLO.)

He’ll stab Agamemnon and say “YOU WERE NEVER MY KING, YOU FAT FUCK!MY SWORD NOW SERVES LAWRENCE OF ARBIA

THE SCRIPT WRITER jettisoned the dipping of ACHILLES in the river Styx.So I ask, why still have him die with an arrow thru the heel. WHAT’S THE POINT?

I was never much a fan of WOLFGANG PETERSON. His earlier works like DAS BOOT and NEVERENDING STORY were enjoyable but his latter stuff are…
Well anyway.

I hope they do a sequel, THE TROJAN WOMEN. Ad line goes.


THEY DESTROYED HER CITY!

MURDERED HER HUSBAND!

SLAUGHTERED HER FATHER- IN LAW!

NOW ANDROMACHE IS BACK! WITH AN ARMY OF WIDOWS. ARMED WITH SWORDS AND POISONED JAVELINS, THEY SET SAIL FOR ITHACA, MYCENAE AND SPARTA! ON A PATH OF VENGEANCE!

THE TROJAN WOMEN!

DIRECTED BY PAUL VERHOVEN! “


I brought my latest work and pitched my idea for the TV series to the creative director. It was approved! He told me that he loved the film I showed him and that I should also develop that into a series.

Maybe this is the time to hire more people.


Last Sunday I had an accident. I was visiting a friend’s digital film studio when I slip from the staircase and landed back first on the floor. For a second I viewed the world from that perspective. For a second I didn’t think about the complicated sound dubs and Script revisions that were expected of me. I just lay there. Listening as the world turned on its axis.

Then I groaned in pain. My butt hit the hardest and then the back and then the right arm and then the neck. I remember when I was acting for someone’s film backing college where I will flung myself on a flight of stairs and come back again for another take…Ahh those were the days.


Tuesday, May 04, 2004

The offer was given inside this loud club in the Fort last week Would I like to have my own cable show. With a running time of 40-45 minutes. I have the option of doing anything that I want. Anything! The executive in charge of programming has seen my independent films in competition years back and has total faith in whatever I come up with.

I told him that the last time I directed a television series, I turned a routine sports show into a horror movie and shot a five minute chase scene between a passenger jeep and a hearse.

He asked me why.

I told him that I had to break the monotony of television hosts rappelling and trekking in the mountains with something totally out there.

To my surprise he said that he saw it too. He loved that particular episode.

He said that my style and sensibility are perfect for the new cable channel that they are putting up. The channel’s trust is on being hip and cool.

I thought for a moment. Well I don’t know about being cool. I think I stopped being cool when I got married. Or maybe I wasn’t cool in the first place and had just mere illusions of being cool. Or probably I was cool and am still cool and could be the coolest of cool people I have ever met in my life.

As my thoughts strayed somewhere he asked what I would want to do.
Before committing I wanted to know what the basic terms where. I asked who owns the rights to the show. He said that I would. That they’re end is to market the show and provide the airtime. Sounds interesting.

He told me that I could do anything. And I thought anything! That’s tough. What does one do when given the absolute freedom to do anything? Should I do a teleseries? A fantasy series? A Horror anthology? A variety show? A reality show? How about a biblical epic or a mini series?

“ If you want you can even do a reality show. Knowing you you’ll come up with something really skewered and black.”

Then he went talking about doing the sound in 5.1 surrounds. And that I should submit my sound dubs on this particular disc.

I must confess the concept of doing anything is most intriguing. And the more I thought about it…the more tempting it becomes. I can do anything that I wanted. What a strange feeling.




I saw VAN HELSING the other day and funny enough I loved it. I don’t know why. Walking in I knew it’s going to be tons of predictable one loner and plot situations. The Movie started midway and I went to the john first.

I muttered, “ They’ll probably have a line like, HE’S KILLED THE VAMPIRE!”

Three seconds later I hear over the speakers inside the john. ‘ HE’S KILLED THE VAMPIRE!”

I chuckled to myself. But hey this is a vampire hunter movie so what do you expect.

But when I watched…I was totally swept away. I don’t know. The plot was horrible.
There was some extrapolation on Van Helsings origin when Dracula utters something like, “ NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN GABRIEL. You don’t remember me do you? “

Then there’s a line from Hugh Jackman that he remembers fighting the Romans in MASADA. SO I guess he’s the angel Gabriel. Unfortunately there was no follow-ups to it to make it concrete.

Despite those flaws and the over acting excesses of DRACULA. I loved the movie. It was fun. I expected to leave my brain on the ticket counter when I came in so…
It was fun. Strangely enough I loved this film more than Hellboy, which is even stranger because I love the comic.

But I always have a soft spot for the UNIVERSAL MONSTER MOVIES. I grew up on these when I was a kid. I’m a BORIS KARLOFF, BELA LUGOSI, BASILRATHBONE, LONCHANEY SR AND JR, and JACK PIERCE fan.

I also loved MONSTER SQUAD precisely for the same reason. There’s this scene, which is priceless. A vortex opens up and the kids had to use the blood of a virgin to stop it.They use the elder sister's blood. But the vortex just keeps on comming.

One of the kids turns around and tells the sister.

“ YOU’RE NOT REALLY A VIRGIN ARE YOU? “

“ Well I had this thing with my ex –boyfriend but he doesn’t count.” She replies.

“ DOESN’T COUNT? “ the kid screams back and they all look at each other because they know they’re fucked!

The SPFX here is better than those of HELLBOY. After all it was done by ILM. The opening battle with HYDE is incredible. The design for the creature mirrors a giant midget. This is the ultimate CG Hyde.

I don’t know why there’s a trend for Victorian spfx packages. You had League and then there’s VAN HELSING. But that’s how Hollywood works.

Anyway I love this movie next to the MUMMY this is a great universal horror revival. I HATED MUMMY RETURNS the same way I HATED XMEN 2. Just because the sequel has more action and set pieces doesn’t mean that it gets better.

As much As I like this movie, in my book there is only one actor who is the quintessential VAN HELSING, PETER CUSHING. That’s GOVENOR TARKIN to you philistines!

Every time I see a flick where he has a titanic fight scene with the other quintessential DRACULA, CHRISTOPER LEE I jump on my seat!

The Best Dracula movie I ever saw was the first one CHRIS LEE starred in, THE HORROR OF DRACULA! TOD BROWNING’S 1931 film with BELA LUGOSI is great for the atmospherics but BELA moves too slowly for my taste. He’s more a leering old man in white make up than what I imagined DRACULA to be.

But CHRISTOPER LEE is the ERROL FLYN of DRACULAS. He runs and snarls and wears blood tinted contact lenses!

And PETER CUSHING jumps right in after him! He runs over tables and slides on them to tear the curtains off the windows to reveal…….TA DAH!!!! SUNLIGHT!

Another favorite of mine is DRACULA PRINCE OF DARKNESS. Cushing plays VAN HELSING’s 20 th century progeny. If I remember correctly DRACULA drafted some scientists to come up with a doomsday plague. As if Vampirism isn’t enough.

When I was a kid, my classmates would come in with their hardy boys hard cover. And I would lug along my HORROR in CINEMA hardcover! Most of the time they don’t understand why I was in it. But would always ask me how an effect was done.
I hope they do CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON next.




This is Selina’s new fixation!

Much to Cess’s relief. She’s out grown SOUTH PARK. Because Cess thrashed my copy in the garbage bin. She gave me fair warning prior to that ,that she would throw
the dvd if she ever caught me showing it to SELINA. Well she caught me, fair and square. (Little did she know that I salvaged it in the dead of night. I had to wade thru our black plastic garbage bag when I knew she was asleep.)

Selina then went to a WALT DISNEY PHASE. It lasted for three months.

Then it was SHRECK.I practically memorized the entire film when she would watch it three times a day while I edited beside her!

Yesterday I was cleaning my dvd collection and she took the WALLACE & GROMIT SPECIAL EDITION DVD and played it in her player. And thus begun her BRITISH SENSIBILTY brainwashing SESSIONS.

SELINA: “ MOMEE may I have water perchance? “

CESS: “ That’s more like it! “

Sunday, May 02, 2004

I love reading and collecting books. Problem is, most of the books I want are seldom available here. So when I heard thru the family grapevine that my cousin Jerome was coming back with his family for a quick holiday vacation I emailed him and gave him a list of books that I wanted. The majority of them are hard bound 300-400 page books.
Within two weeks he arrived with the books. And boy do they weigh a ton. Only relatives would go thru the hardship of lugging at least 12 pounds of books from Los Angeles to down town manila.

And to top it all, he even gave me one book as a gift. Thanks a lot Jerome.

Those books were my only companion during the holy week holidays and I had a great time reading them. In fact I’m still going thru them as of now.

As of now I have three book cases and that’s not counting the one We had made under the stairs.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

CESS: “ My vision is flickering. I think I need to see a doctor.

The following day after the doctor’s appointment.

CESS: “ The doctor tells me that my retinas might detach and if they do I have to rush to the doctor ASAP! “

FLIM: “ How would you know if your retinas detached? “

CESS: “ My eye sight would have this flashing white light. If that happens I should rush to the hospital and they might save my sight. The sooner it is treated the bigger the chance I won’t go blind. And no blows to the head. One blow could sever them. ”

FLIM: “ I may be a charming scoundrel and a devil may care, not to mention charismatic Villain but one thing I don’t do is beat you up! “

CESS: ” You gave me one a year ago.”

FLIM: “ WITH THE PILLOW? IN A PILLOW FIGHT? YOU’RE THE ONLY WHO INSTIGATES A PILLOW FIGHT AND YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT GETTING HIT!

CESS: “ Still…”

FLIM: “ My dear…in a pillow fight as in any mock battle you cannot put restrictions on which part you would not be hit! Combat is a random event! Read the ART OF WAR! Strike anywhere! In the heat of battle I don’t run a mental catalogue of your frailty points. On the contraire! Those vulnerabilities would be exploited! Besides in a fight it’s not the logical part of the brain that works it’s the reptilian side…OBDULA OBLONGATA! “

CESS: “ No more pillow fights, then!”

FLIM: “Great…now what to do on Saturday nights! “

I consulted my sister who happens to be, forgive me for boasting, one of the most eminent PATHOLOGIST in the country today what she thought.

DR CESS: “ She’s right any blows to the head could sever them.”

FLIM: “ How about instantaneous braking? Our idiot driver brakes aggressively all the time. “

DR. CESS: “ Hmmmmmm…that too I guess. Just minimize any surface tensions on her head. Her retinas are totally strained as of now. Legally she is blind… with her grade.”

Back in the house.

CESS: “ I think it’s inevitable. I will go blind. How can I take care of the baby? How could I see her grows up?

FLIM: “ You wont go blind! Your eyes are just tired. Just relax.”

CESS: “ If my retinas detached then I have to be within striking distance of a hospital.”

FLIM: “ So that means no more out of town trips. I should carry around an empty plastic cup.”

CESS: “ For what? “

FLIM: “ Well if your eye pops out I’d run after it and pack it in ice! “

CESS: “ The retina detaches not the eyeball! In the doctors clinic there was a man who had his retina severed when he was just scratching his eyelid. And there was another patient who had his detached when he sneezed! “

FLIM: “ Makes you think how frail the human body is!”

CESS: “ What if the baby wants me to read her, fairy tale stories. How am I going to do that? “

FLIM: “ Don’t worry! I can record your voice reading out aloud all her books and when she wants you to read her one, you just pop in a tape! “

CESS: “ What if she wants sleeping beauty and I slip in Cinderella?”

Then we both started laughing. But I really feel sorry for Cess. And I started wondering how is it going to be if she does go…. AH FUCK IT! I’ll just be there, white plastic cup in hand.

CESS: “ Maybe I should start filing the office reports in Braille! “



Sunday, April 11, 2004

Aside from making films and video and whatever lies in between I love to cook as well.
Strangely the people I do know, the good cooks are mostly male. Well in my generation at least. Occasionally I would swap recipes with my actors, or producers. The cameraman would from time to time give me a few pointers on how to make coffee carpenter (karpentero style), which is plenty of sugar and milk. Sometimes I find it baffling that he does not just buy a milk shake but if you go to the latest coffee hangout I have a sneaking suspicion that his recipe for coffee is now a standard mix.

Most of the time when I come home from a shoot, dinner is either cold or whatever is left wouldn’t be much. So I’d whip out my time honored FLIM NUKED RICE. This recipe is only used when you come home late at night and youre stuck with ingredients that are already there!

The ingredients are as followed.

ANYTHING THAT YOU CAN FIND IN THE FRIDGE OR IN THE CUPBOARD WOULD DO!

Next deep-fry olive oil for about 10 minutes over a small fire.

Then chop up some garlic. The more garlic, the better!

Then fry the said garlic till it turns golden brown!

Then follow it up with four balls of onions! Yes! Smell the aroma!

Beautiful isn’t it!

Then take out the refrigerated rice and crushed it with your bare hands. Till they separate into tiny granules! Sprinkle some water to hasten the process

Then you dump it into the olive oil.

I said Olive oil because a lot of people are health nuts but if you want it to be really delicious, use the cooked pork oil that your housemaid used when she deep-fried those pork chops last month!

I tell you that would be truly divine.

Then get a slab of butter and throw it on top of that steaming heap.

We usually stock a lot of Spam and mahling for unwanted visitors. Now if you don’t have that, Vienna sausage would do. Chop it up into tit bits and have a second fire going and fry those suckers yeah!!!! But save the Vienna sausage juice that usually accompanies it …we’ll use that later!

Get your worstecher sauce or if you like the local variant, knorr seasoning and dab your
Fired rice with it while it simmering.

Your fired sausages would be golden brown by now. So dump it and the oil that used into the friend rice!

Now we also have canned mushrooms in the cupboard. If you don’t then you should start lecturing your wife for not having a fully loaded cupboard. You can never tell if an atomic bomb suddenly drops from the sky or a coup happens in the last minute. I don’t see a rationale person running to the supermarket to do some last minute shopping while fifteen pound shells are exploding all over the place.

Anyway back to the mushrooms. Fry it too on the separate frying pan! While that’s happening get four eggs and scramble those! Don’t forget to put some salt into it!

I don’t know about you but I always have a bottle of wine beside the kitchen so I’d put swish of that in! Trust me it adds some exotic flavor to your eggs. I mean how long have you been eating eggs right…this would give you an extra boost from your mundane egg eating days!

Now when your eggs have foamed… drop it on the fried mushrooms. Let it settle for a minute or two and then mash it all over!

Then dump the egg mushroom mix into the second pan! Mix the entire thing! And open a can of beer, you’re set!

It beats eating re heated food anytime. At least you actually cooked it. And the best part is hearing the maids bitching in the morning about the giant mess you left…